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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to tell DH to split his inheritance with his half siblings?

454 replies

hesbelleth · 17/05/2026 18:17

DH lost both of his parents quite young, when he was in his late 20s. His parents were both on their second marriage. He was adopted but only found out on his dad’s death.

His mum had two biological children with her first husband. They are in their late 50s, so much much older than DH. He sees them maybe 2-3 times a year, but growing up he didn’t really see them for a few years at a time. They’re both nice people.

When his mum died, she left his dad all of their property/money. She wanted her half to be split amongst her three children.

When DH’s dad died, he left everything to DH. It’s not an enormous sum but includes a very small flat in Kensington so it’s an estate of £1m+

DH’s siblings have now come to ask if he will be giving them their share of the estate. That is, for the mum’s half, split between them. DH doesn’t want to give them anything as it was left to him. He also says the money is more useful for him than them as they’re retired or about to and own their own houses outright.

OP posts:
Hedgehogbrown · 17/05/2026 22:21

Advocodo · 17/05/2026 22:14

But how can you protect your children?

Leave money to them in the will or given them a sum when she was still alive and when they probably needed it more.

BIossomtoes · 17/05/2026 22:21

If my bloke did this I’d never see him in the same way again.

RedRock41 · 17/05/2026 22:28

Yes. He still gets the lion’s share. His Mum’s wishes not being carried out would be morally bankrupt.

Bumblebeeforever · 17/05/2026 22:35

I wouldn’t share it, he doesn’t have to, and if it’s what his mum wanted then she should have written her will to reflect that. I couldn’t justify giving away money to older relatives when I’ve got children that it would benefit.

My parent gave told me they want their entire estate to go to my brother once they’re dead as he needs it more than I do, but they’re too cheap to pay to have wills written to reflect their wishes, like fuck will I be giving up my share to him once they’re gone.

fabstraction · 17/05/2026 22:39

I would feel too guilty to ignore my mother's dying wish, unless there were some very unusual backstory to take into account. As you say he got on well enough with his mother's biological children and didn't have a problem with either parent, that doesn't seem to be the case. Surely he can honour his mother's wishes and still have enough left over to feel blessed and well provided for by his inheritance. It's his choice, legally, but I'd be morally repulsed if my husband was so selfish when he knows what his mother intended.

I'd also be wondering why his father chose to ignore his wife's wishes. Did he have a problem with his wife's other children?

ArtesianWater · 17/05/2026 22:40

I think a lot will go on IHT before anyone gets anything.

There are too few details to know the right reply to this but at face value, yes, I think he should give each of his half siblings 1/6 of the estate after IHT.

godmum56 · 17/05/2026 22:48

sorry but not your inheritance not your to dispose of...BUT of course this will tell you something about what your OH is like......

InterIgnis · 17/05/2026 23:02

godmum56 · 17/05/2026 22:48

sorry but not your inheritance not your to dispose of...BUT of course this will tell you something about what your OH is like......

That the DH is the type of person that will prioritize the family he has with OP over the half siblings he has little relationship with?

If his mother wanted all of her children to benefit from her share of the estate then she should have put that it her will.

AnneShirleyBlythe · 17/05/2026 23:08

Cheersminesalargeone · 17/05/2026 18:21

This is why everyone should make a will with a solicitor. I think it would only be fair to do as mum asked and split it 3 ways it’s still 300k plus which isn’t to be sneezed at.

If it’s only the mums half then he gets £500K from his dad & £500k from his mum is split 3 ways. OPs DH still gets over £600k( less any IHT due). He should do as his mum wished.

OneFineDay22 · 17/05/2026 23:14

Yes, I think what you’re suggesting is fair. Your DH would still be getting 4/6 of the £1m+ so if we round it to £1.2 for the sake of easier maths, he would get £800k and his siblings would each get £200k. How is that not enough for him of someone else’s money?

Jewel52 · 17/05/2026 23:19

Bumblebeeforever · 17/05/2026 22:35

I wouldn’t share it, he doesn’t have to, and if it’s what his mum wanted then she should have written her will to reflect that. I couldn’t justify giving away money to older relatives when I’ve got children that it would benefit.

My parent gave told me they want their entire estate to go to my brother once they’re dead as he needs it more than I do, but they’re too cheap to pay to have wills written to reflect their wishes, like fuck will I be giving up my share to him once they’re gone.

Can’t imagine why your parents are prioritising your brother over you when you seem like such a delightful person 🙄

WiddlinDiddlin · 17/05/2026 23:21

When you say his mum left 'all her property and money' to his Dad... how much of the estate he's inherited was actually his Mums?

Legally - it was left to your DH, it is his.

Morally - sticking to that could cost him a relationship with his siblings - particularly if Mum was very clear about her wishes, and if a large proportion of the estate originated with her.

Was his Mum the sort to say one thing and mean another? I've met a lot of people who will tell all and sundry they're being left this/that/the other and are simply saying it to manipulate people, curry favour, or because they're too weak willed to be clear about what will happen, and have zero intention of actually doing what they say and leave it all to a partner/spouse in the end.

Bumblebeeforever · 17/05/2026 23:24

Jewel52 · 17/05/2026 23:19

Can’t imagine why your parents are prioritising your brother over you when you seem like such a delightful person 🙄

They’re intelligent, professional
people with the means and ability to access legal advice. If they put their wishes in a legal document like I’ve encouraged them to then they will be followed, if they choose not to then I have to assume they don’t seriously want that to happen.

CuriousKangaroo · 17/05/2026 23:25

So he is willing to ignore his mum’s wishes? What a shitty thing to do.

WeAreNumpties · 17/05/2026 23:26

This is awful. I'd never see him in the same light again, it would give me the serious ick.

Bourneyesterday · 17/05/2026 23:28

Morally, he is stealing if he keeps it all. He could keep his dad's half and split his mum's half between her 3 children.

A million is a massive inheritance!

lornad00m · 17/05/2026 23:36

It’s not an enormous sum but includes a very small flat in Kensington so it’s an estate of £1m+

Clueless? Or humble brag? Either way ... 🙄

twilightermummy · 17/05/2026 23:37

I'm not sure if anyone else has asked as I've not read all of the messages, but am I right in thinking that he was adopted? So, he wasn't his mum or dad's biological child?
I know it doesn't make any difference if so. I still think his dad behaved terribly to let it play out like that.
Your dh should give them 1/6 each. He's very lucky to have inherited, many of us don't/won't. How could he sleep at night otherwise?

fundamentallyauthentic · 17/05/2026 23:38

If she was if sound mind then his mum could easily have made provision for the siblings if she wanted to. I wonder if she secretly favoured her youngest child?

I suspect your DH is thinking it’s not much of a loss in terms of the relationships if he sticks to his guns and doesn’t give his siblings any money as he’s not close to them. I don’t blame him.

Namechangeforthisdilemma1 · 17/05/2026 23:51

Divorce him and take half, then share some with the siblings.

I think it’s ultimately his decision but for him and his dad to go against his mum’s wishes is nasty.

Namechangeforthisdilemma1 · 17/05/2026 23:52

fundamentallyauthentic · 17/05/2026 23:38

If she was if sound mind then his mum could easily have made provision for the siblings if she wanted to. I wonder if she secretly favoured her youngest child?

I suspect your DH is thinking it’s not much of a loss in terms of the relationships if he sticks to his guns and doesn’t give his siblings any money as he’s not close to them. I don’t blame him.

A lot of people don’t realise that a verbal request won’t be listened to by a spouse that supposedly loves and respects them…

Namechangeforthisdilemma1 · 18/05/2026 00:00

P.s. A MILLION POUNDS is not an insignificant sum, are you having us on, OP?

JustABean · 18/05/2026 00:09

My mum was put in a very similar situation but nobody had to ask, once bills,funeral, taxes all paid she split the rest equally between her other 2 half siblings..No drama just nice moral wtg

Peanutbutterkitty · 18/05/2026 00:14

I probably wouldnt unless i loved them! If that was the mums wishes she would have written a will.

WeAreNumpties · 18/05/2026 00:33

All these people saying the mum should have made a will. Some people are really trusting and believe the best of their close relatives, they don't expect them to be moneygrubbing gits who'd go against their wishes and effectively steal money that was never intended for them.

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