AIBU to tell DH to split his inheritance with his half siblings?

[hesbelleth]

DH lost both of his parents quite young, when he was in his late 20s. His parents were both on their second marriage. He was adopted but only found out on his dad’s death.

His mum had two biological children with her first husband. They are in their late 50s, so much much older than DH. He sees them maybe 2-3 times a year, but growing up he didn’t really see them for a few years at a time. They’re both nice people.

When his mum died, she left his dad all of their property/money. She wanted her half to be split amongst her three children.

When DH’s dad died, he left everything to DH. It’s not an enormous sum but includes a very small flat in Kensington so it’s an estate of £1m+

DH’s siblings have now come to ask if he will be giving them their share of the estate. That is, for the mum’s half, split between them. DH doesn’t want to give them anything as it was left to him. He also says the money is more useful for him than them as they’re retired or about to and own their own houses outright.

Exactly this. This is why if you do see a solicitor to prepare a will, they will always ask about this scenario - do you want all your money going to the children of your spouse’s second marriage? Or worse still, your spouse’s stepchildren in the second marriage, who aren’t even related to your children. Your DH’s mum trusted her husband to do the right thing by his step children. He didn’t. Your DH can either perpetuate his father’s refusal to honour his mother’s wishes, or do the right thing.

A trust. Or you don't leave everything to your spouse, hoping he or she will follow your wishes.

True but would the inheritance tax paid now under fathers estate not be higher due to large amount of estate, whereas if mother’s wishes had been followed, there would be less money to tax at this point

I think this all really shows how important it is to make a will, especially when families become more complex

i assume there was less than £322k in mothers estate? As i think (but not sure) that over that amount should’ve been legally split between her children?

He can legally do what he wants.

However I would not want to live with somebody who have these morals.

Read it again please....
His mum should have made a will expressing that, and not left it to her husband to disseminate as he wished. Because at that point- its his Dads money to leave as he wishes-.... and he left it to OP's husband.

Only if she died without a will and her estate wasn’t largely held as joint tenants.

Depends on how much his mum’s estate was - it may have been much less or possibly more.
The current million is entirely his dad’s estate now and his dad’s has made him the sole beneficiary.

Good catch.

Apart from the home because it could have been done where he automatically got the other half upon her death.

Then cash wise the estate would have been under that amount. Obviously if it was even 100k they that’s still a nice little amount to get for a car or holidays. But a huge difference between part of 100k or 300k and wanting some of 1mil.

So grabby siblings who suddenly realised their step dads home was worth over a million maybe 🧐

Houses are usually held as joint tenants and so the spouse will automatically inherit up the other’s death.
Given the lack of a Will, I would be surprised if it was held as tenants in common.

For everything else when you die intestate:
Spouse gets possessions and up to £322k.

Anything over £322k is split - half goes to the spouse and remaining half goes to the children equally.

Hence, why it is not a split or the current £1million estate or even a 3-way split of the mother’s estate.

If mother had left what she wanted left to her children instead of her husband, who then added his own money to it, that could well be true.

Would be very complicated to unravel I expect.

Possibly what the siblings are hoping for however.

Agree - not straightforward at all and shouldn’t necessarily be a moral judgement on the DH.

@DisforDarkChocolate she possibly did what my dad did he had a mirror will with his wife
. step mom to me, which left it to each other then splits between kids when both pass. Except my dad died and my step mom changed her will cutting out his biological children. Maybe similar don’t know

It’s definitely his decision., however, I agree that his mother’s share should be split three ways that he should retain all of his father’s share that was left solely to him. But as I said, if the money in entirety states legally that it’s left to him it is his decision and I don’t think you should get involved.

I agree with you too. I have a stepson who is many years older than our Dd, and has done well with his life and family. Despite this I wanted Dh to leave his share of our assets to his son but he insists it's all going to Dd, and our wills reflect his wishes. This doesn't sit well with me at all and my intention is to hopefully get a deed of variation and make gifts to his grandchildren

This 100%

My DH was left everything, including a sum of money the others didn't know about and gave his siblings a third each. Just because they didn't know about it, (it was compensation money paid to his Dad but in DH's name) didn't mean he shouldn't share... The fact these people know about it and he would deny them is a big mistake... It's a big enough estate to be life changing for anyone that receives a third - it's enough to buy a property. I have to say I would think less of my DH is he had kept it all.

Oh Wow! Yet another story of half and step kids badgering for in-laws money & inheritance.

It’s his money, left to him by his biological parents. The rest of these scroungers can shut the fook up.

if the parents wanted these step kids to have money, they would have made provision in a will. And explained the rationale for leaving kids out. Probably never saw them & realised they were horrible people but didn’t have the guts to tell them the truth without realising it would cause volcanic rage arguments. Better let the next generation down deal with the crapola.

honestly, I think blended family’s should be discussed in school and people’s responsibilities should be discussed at length.

it’s so typical that they are elderly and have all their mortgages paid off but they are still scrounging and begging for cash. Greedy fookers.

You could ask but I find TELLING him is a bit much. Hopefully he will share some but it is his choice.

Obviously it's up to your DH to share or not to share his inheritance but it would be a nice thing to give them a small share.

I know what I'd do in the same circumstances. Once Inheritance tax has been paid plus solicitors and anything else, I would take half of what's left and split one half between his half brothers. That way he has carried out his mother's wishes and will have a large amount to pay whatever he's got to pay, plus no Ill feelings with family members, even if he didn't see them often, they are still family.

Well it's up to him.

That said, I would think carefully about giving them some amount significantly less than they think they deserve.

Because then they will still be pissed off with you just as much, and you won't have the money. In a sense you would be better off giving them nothing at all.

I also think it kind of depends where the money in the family came from. But in the absence of any info on that it is hard to say.

Why are people so bad at writing wills? It’s infuriating. I have written a will myself, it is incredibly simple to say “My estate will go to my husband but I would like to ensure my children from my first marriage get their fair share, how do I do this?” then the solicitor, who’s literal job this is, will tell you how to do this.

My MIL did this. Told us, once diagnosed with cancer, that she didn’t want x child getting any money. We said ‘you have every right to put whatever you want in your will’. A few months pass, she is quite close to death and now says to BIL ‘make sure x doesn’t get my money’. After her death BIL is distressed to find she has no will and therefore x will get her fair share as a legal beneficiary.

BIL actually tried to stop x getting money by being the executor and we had to quite firmly tell him to follow the damn law. (No neither me nor my husband is x)

If you want something to happen after your death PUT IT IN YOUR WILL

If he decides to give them some money, they all need good legal advice. You can’t just give away huge sums of money without tax implications!