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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to tell DH to split his inheritance with his half siblings?

461 replies

hesbelleth · 17/05/2026 18:17

DH lost both of his parents quite young, when he was in his late 20s. His parents were both on their second marriage. He was adopted but only found out on his dad’s death.

His mum had two biological children with her first husband. They are in their late 50s, so much much older than DH. He sees them maybe 2-3 times a year, but growing up he didn’t really see them for a few years at a time. They’re both nice people.

When his mum died, she left his dad all of their property/money. She wanted her half to be split amongst her three children.

When DH’s dad died, he left everything to DH. It’s not an enormous sum but includes a very small flat in Kensington so it’s an estate of £1m+

DH’s siblings have now come to ask if he will be giving them their share of the estate. That is, for the mum’s half, split between them. DH doesn’t want to give them anything as it was left to him. He also says the money is more useful for him than them as they’re retired or about to and own their own houses outright.

OP posts:
merryhouse · 17/05/2026 21:23

InstantlyBella · 17/05/2026 21:22

In what world is 1 million an enormous sum? I had more than that in my trust fund and I am not exaclty the most well off within my social circle.

In the world where people don't have trust funds.

HTH, HAND

hahabahbag · 17/05/2026 21:25

Really he should be giving them 1/6 each, it’s unfortunate his mum didn’t ring fence the money in her will.

NigellaWannabe1 · 17/05/2026 21:25

And by the way, saying that kind of money is of no use to someone in their 59s is mind boggling. It can be absolutely life-changing. You could pay off your mortgage perhaps, which means being able to choose to retire early, etc, etc. Fir all ye knows, his siblings might really need the money.

Legally, he doesn’t have to do anything. Morally, he absolutely should. Could he even enjoy his inheritance knowing he’s denied his siblings their rightful share? I wouldn’t be able to.

MsFogi · 17/05/2026 21:26

I hope everyone reading this thread is thinking about updating their will - the vast majority of people have mirror wills with everything going to the other if they die. Whilst great from a tax perspective it does mean that there is a significant chance that children get disinherited/end up with very little (particularly if the surviving partner marries again at some point in the future). At the very least anyone with teenagers/young adults should update their will - you cannot rely on 'wishes' being followed at some point in the future (eg here it would have needed the lady's husband or her son to implement her wishes and clearly the former didn't see fit to do so and the latter isn't keen either - shows you how people work once money is involved. I'd certainly prefer a portion to got to the taxman in order to ensure my dcs get their fair share rather than nothing to the taxman but potentially nothing to my dcs either.

Tableforjoan · 17/05/2026 21:28

It’s a very valid point some have raised.

How do you know it was the mums wishes. What proof is there? Clearly no will, which is the only legal way to ensure one’s wishes.

Has one sibling by change chance suddenly become in financial need or got a new partner.

Also again how long ago did mum die. Then dad die for it to now be an issue.

BurnoutGP · 17/05/2026 21:29

Why didn't his dad honour his mother's wishes. What an arse. Its not truly about the money is it. Its about being erased from someones life like they didn't matter. It would bother me if someone I loved behaved like that.

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/05/2026 21:31

InstantlyBella · 17/05/2026 21:22

In what world is 1 million an enormous sum? I had more than that in my trust fund and I am not exaclty the most well off within my social circle.

I think you need your hearing checked.

BurnoutGP · 17/05/2026 21:34

InstantlyBella · 17/05/2026 21:22

In what world is 1 million an enormous sum? I had more than that in my trust fund and I am not exaclty the most well off within my social circle.

Seriously? Are you stupid? Blind?

TakeMe2Insanity · 17/05/2026 21:35

Does he want a relationship with them? This is unfortunately the price he’ll have to pay (literally) to keep the relationship or not give them anything and that will be the end of the relationship. I agree with you though.

FancyBiscuitsLevel · 17/05/2026 21:35

So many questions OP!

a) when did this all happen? If it’s still quite recent rather different from a decade ago.

b) did the siblings know he was adopted and also kept it from him?

c) how do you know his mum wanted her share split 3 ways? If she left it all to her dh, it sort of suggests she didn’t.

ExecutorAttorneyAdvicePlease · 17/05/2026 21:35

MsFogi · 17/05/2026 21:26

I hope everyone reading this thread is thinking about updating their will - the vast majority of people have mirror wills with everything going to the other if they die. Whilst great from a tax perspective it does mean that there is a significant chance that children get disinherited/end up with very little (particularly if the surviving partner marries again at some point in the future). At the very least anyone with teenagers/young adults should update their will - you cannot rely on 'wishes' being followed at some point in the future (eg here it would have needed the lady's husband or her son to implement her wishes and clearly the former didn't see fit to do so and the latter isn't keen either - shows you how people work once money is involved. I'd certainly prefer a portion to got to the taxman in order to ensure my dcs get their fair share rather than nothing to the taxman but potentially nothing to my dcs either.

If you have a property together you can write it into your Will that your share will go to your children upon your death - into a trust if they are minors or a specified age (max 25y I think). Requires a severance of the joint tenancy.

brunettenorthern91 · 17/05/2026 21:37

Legally, no obligation to share.

Morally, I’d need to know more than others and have several comments.

  1. How long were mum and dad married? I assume until they passed in his late 20s.
  2. if the siblings are 20+ years older, they were likely moved out the nest by the time their mum re-married his dad. He will probably, quite rightly, feel that his dads assets have no sentiment to them and are his. Were they close growing up as a family? Maybe he feels that if they didn’t bother with his parents or him, it’s quite entitled to show up with their hands out now. Perhaps it’s not the case!
  3. Did his parents buy the Kensington flat together or did one of them inherit it or own it first ? If it were mums flat for example, that should the divided by three. If dad brought it into the marriage or inherited it, then personally - not one to share.

I think it’s complicated and comes a lot down to family dynamics. If they were older, absent siblings (to the whole family) who have a father they may inherit from, why shouldn’t he benefit from his one parent to inherit from? Very complex and not a great situation

em2026 · 17/05/2026 21:40

My step dad went through this, but the opposite way round. His dad left xyz, but the wife’s kids wouldn’t hand over his share (that was actually in his will) until a lawyer was brought in. Diabolical behaviour when the majority of the money came from his Dad in the first place and the step kids wanted it for themselves.
he should hand over half for them to split ‘morally’, and I’m sure if he doesn’t this will cause a hugeeee row.
legally he can probably do as he wants but it’s quite unfair isn’t it. How would he feel if it was the other way round? 🤷🏻‍♀️

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 17/05/2026 21:41

Presumably his mum trusted his dad with her wishes, and believed he would honour them. I know a couple of people who have lost out in inheritance in similar situations, and it’s pretty shitty. Of course his mum should have written her will differently, but maybe she had her reasons for doing what she did (maybe it was complicated by property and wanting FIL and DH to keep their family home) or she just trusted her husband. Either way, if DH knows it’s what she would have wanted, I would want him to do the right thing by them and not be selfish.

OVienna · 17/05/2026 21:43

I voted YABU but you aren't, sorry.

Booboobagins · 17/05/2026 21:44

Oh that's a bit of a mess isn't it? His mum should have been more explicit in her will, but nonetheless, I agree with you, it's more appropriate he susses out how much of it is his mums and then splits that 3 ways. One third plus the rest is his. It'll still make you both much more comfortable and honestly it'll keep things wweet with his brothers - you ever know when you might need them.

If you can help him work out how much is theirs, he'll see at worst he'll retain £666.66k, his brothers will receive £166.66k each (assuming in total it's a million post taxes etc).

PyongyangKipperbang · 17/05/2026 21:54

InstantlyBella · 17/05/2026 21:22

In what world is 1 million an enormous sum? I had more than that in my trust fund and I am not exaclty the most well off within my social circle.

So you are a member of the travelling community with a trust fund worth several million?

Okaaaaay

DurinsBane · 17/05/2026 21:56

Legally he doesn’t have to. Morally, different story. If he splits the estate in half, so into ‘mums share’ and ‘Dads share’, as his dad’s only child he keeps all of dad’s share. Mum’s share, he should split 3 ways as his mum wanted, so he still gets a 3rd of that. So let’s say the estate is worth 1m, he still gets 666k himself!

10DegreesNorth · 17/05/2026 21:57

Even if they had mirror wills it's not bullet proof.

My parents in law had identical wills, leaving fair percentages to their various children. FIL died first and MIL then changed her will to cut out her step children. On her death my DH and BIL wanted to honour FIL's wishes and see the inheritance split fairly. My SIL (MIL's biological child) wanted to keep a greater share because that was MIL's wish. She relented but I thought it was outrageous that she would try and selfishly keep money which, morally, should have gone to her half siblings. I lost respect her which I've not regained. I'd think very poorly of your DH.

BananaPeels · 17/05/2026 21:58

i think he could argue that his mother’s share should be valued at the moment she died, not the value today. That is the point the liability was established. So you need to see how much it was worth then and divide that into 3. The rest is his dad’s share. I would definitely give them some of it.

Oriunda · 17/05/2026 22:11

MsFogi · 17/05/2026 21:26

I hope everyone reading this thread is thinking about updating their will - the vast majority of people have mirror wills with everything going to the other if they die. Whilst great from a tax perspective it does mean that there is a significant chance that children get disinherited/end up with very little (particularly if the surviving partner marries again at some point in the future). At the very least anyone with teenagers/young adults should update their will - you cannot rely on 'wishes' being followed at some point in the future (eg here it would have needed the lady's husband or her son to implement her wishes and clearly the former didn't see fit to do so and the latter isn't keen either - shows you how people work once money is involved. I'd certainly prefer a portion to got to the taxman in order to ensure my dcs get their fair share rather than nothing to the taxman but potentially nothing to my dcs either.

This. I come on here every time to say this. All this ‘trusting OH to do the right thing’ bollocks. No mirror wills. Just proper wills, naming the children. You want your DC to inherit? Write them into the will.

OP, I absolutely feel for your husband’s siblings by adoption. How awful for them.

Advocodo · 17/05/2026 22:14

ParmaVioletTea · 17/05/2026 19:20

Agree with you. Your DH’s mother should have protected all her children, his father did the wrong thing, and your DH is being quite mean.

But how can you protect your children?

Pistachiocake · 17/05/2026 22:16

CeciliaMars · 17/05/2026 18:21

I think it’s his decision. It really boils down to how much he values their relationship. I don’t agree that £1m is ‘not an enormous sum’ though!

Yes exactly. Round here, you could buy 3 houses for that. Or give up working! Probably not in London, though.

Papster · 17/05/2026 22:16

Friend of my mothers was in slightly analogous position. Her wealthy mother remarried. Made husband 2 heir with ‘understanding’ her d would get £ when he died. She predeceased husband 2. Husband 2 married his much younger cleaner. He dies shortly after. Cleaner scoops lot. Daughter gets zero.

Hedgehogbrown · 17/05/2026 22:19

These fucking selfish parents who remarry and leave everything to their new partner. What did she think would happen? That her husband would leave half his house to two kids he's not related to? These people make me annoyed