AIBU to tell DH to split his inheritance with his half siblings?

[hesbelleth]

DH lost both of his parents quite young, when he was in his late 20s. His parents were both on their second marriage. He was adopted but only found out on his dad’s death.

His mum had two biological children with her first husband. They are in their late 50s, so much much older than DH. He sees them maybe 2-3 times a year, but growing up he didn’t really see them for a few years at a time. They’re both nice people.

When his mum died, she left his dad all of their property/money. She wanted her half to be split amongst her three children.

When DH’s dad died, he left everything to DH. It’s not an enormous sum but includes a very small flat in Kensington so it’s an estate of £1m+

DH’s siblings have now come to ask if he will be giving them their share of the estate. That is, for the mum’s half, split between them. DH doesn’t want to give them anything as it was left to him. He also says the money is more useful for him than them as they’re retired or about to and own their own houses outright.

No I didn’t. My dad was never mentioned it was just the living children. Then before the ill was read my aunt died. So my cousins automatically got her share. It’s been 19 years and makes me so angry.

I don’t think I could see my DH in the same light if he did this to his siblings, his poor mother.

Nor me. It would be a deal breaker for me.

No, your grandmother did that. She could easily have said in her will that if any of her children predecease her such child's share passes to their children. It's a standard provision.

Seen your update. It's still your grandmother who is responsible. She could have included you in her will.

You should have challenged that. I’m sorry your family did that. Your gran sounds like a nasty piece of work to have cut you out like that, acting like her son never existed.

Yes - the Will can be written with the children as beneficiaries and if any of them die then their share of the estate is split between their issues (i.e. the grandchildren of the benefactor).

If the Will didn’t state that, then the money legally goes to the living children.
Not sure why your aunt’s children inherited - perhaps it was the time frame between the two deaths? 30 days comes to mind but that maybe wrong.
Or your grandma’s Will was written after your dad died stating living children and your aunt was alive at the time of her death.

Morally, it should probably still remain with the living children otherwise they are going against your grandmother’s wishes - whatever her reasons were for that may be. Sorry, I don’t know the back story (obviously) but it’s clearly a horrible situation for you to be in.

Certain as I am that the OP isn't coming back..

We have no idea if:

• The siblings have invented this and their Mother said nothing of the sort
• Mothers input into the estate amounted to 50p.
• Mother said a lot of things to them, but to her husband said 'don't give them a penny they're greedy little shits'
• Mother said this once in 1972, subsequently both siblings were vile to her and she decided not to make a will leaving anything to them at all.
• She didn't remember saying it but decided by the time she was on her way out that they did not need any inheritance as they were well set up.

And many many other possible things could have happened or been said or not happened or not been said...

Yes, indeed and I asked and said similar at various point in this thread.
It’s naive, at best, to immediately assume that the DH is in the wrong to keep the money based on the limited information that OP provided.

Nonetheless, hopefully it has highlighted the importance of having a correctly written Will, explicitly stating your wishes in various scenarios and the potential implications for family members after you are gone.

"...and if any of them die then their share of the estate is split between their issues (i.e. the grandchildren of the benefactor).

If the Will didn’t state that, then the money legally goes to the living children."

I would disagree with you here, the situation in the UK is the opposite of what you say.

Unless a will specifically says that a child beneficiary must survive the parent in order to inherit then a deceased child's inheritance in a will passes to their children (ie the grandchildren).

Section 33, Wills Act 1837:

(1)Where—
(a) a will contains a devise or bequest to a child or remoter descendant of the testator; and
(b) the intended beneficiary dies before the testator, leaving issue; and
(c) issue of the intended beneficiary are living at the testator’s death,

then, unless a contrary intention appears by the will, the devise or bequest shall take effect as a devise or bequest to the issue living at the testator’s death.

[emphasis added]

I'm sorry, but this really is very basic stuff indeed.

I would disagree with you here, the situation in the UK is the opposite of what you say

Scotland and N. Ireland have their own legal systems. You are referring to what happens in England and Wales - not the UK.

For per stripes to apply in Scotland the will should stipulate per stripes. Representation can apply to legal rights claims but legal rights claims are limited to a proportion of moveable estate only.

Per stripes applies on intestacy. Northern Ireland seems to follow Scotland.

I'm sorry, but not knowing that family and succession law is different in the constituent parts of the UK really is very basic stuff indeed

This is a decision for your dh. It has to be his choice.

I know what I'd do but I haven't been left £1m

The Wills Act 1837 specifically does not extend to Scotland and is not necessarily in the form in which it has effect in Northern Ireland, so talking about "UK" law in the context of inheritance is just wrong.

Sorry, you're right, I made a mistake. I should have said England & Wales rather than UK.

What I was trying to say was that if the son had died prior to the mother’s will being written and she stated that her estate goes to her living children then it wouldn’t go to his issue.
I think I edited that post a few times, as I realised the aunt had died too, and it got messed up. I can ask MNHQ to delete it if it is causing confusion.

That said, most Wills in E&W will include a survivorship clause for avoidance of doubt or to prevent challenges from siblings of the deceased beneficiary.

I think he should, but at the end of the day legally it's his. It's a lot of money by most peoples standards, don't know what world you live in. He should give his brothers some if he wants to continue to have a relationship with them in the future.

If his half siblings are retired, and lost his mother in his 20s, its likely that his mother was of the generation where many women left all financial matters in the hands of their husband.

I do hate how so many judgements on here are "very unattractive" or "gives me the ick." Such a weird way to think about moral quandries.

So maybe shouldnt have been so high and mighty in your final line?

When my DM made her will she wanted to leave her estate to me, her only child. But she also wanted to leave my DH enough to buy a nice car, because she said he'd always been good to her.

My DM's solicitor advised against specifying an amount but rather told her to tell me what I should do when I inherited her estate. I told him to buy a new car, and he bought a totally impractical Morgan kit car.

I think the idea was if DM had spent all her money on care home fees I would still inherit something and wouldn't have to give DH money to spend on a car.

But if you inherit over £1m it seems very sh*tty not to give your half siblings the money they'd been promised.

Why has this only come up now, it must be years since his dad died.

If your DH thought anything of his Mum he'd do as above. I'd be put off of a dh who kept it all to himself.

Cuckoos. Push out from the nest biological kids to their deaths and steal all the food.

I misread the post, forgot he was adopted. Blood is thicker than water, so he should give money to his mum’s biological kids.

biological kids rank above stepkids, half kids, step kids in my book.

also, the OP, like all OPs, frame their post to make them look the best and to illicit validation from mumsnetters.

when I read he said the Kensington property was £1m I thought “and the rest”. He’s been left a sizeable chunk of cash, so leaving his mum’s biological kids money would be the right thing to do.

in the animal kingdom when kids from another male turn up, they are murdered, so that explains why the father who inherited the wife’s estate ignored some other man’s kids.

because there are so many blended families now, parents really need to make a will and give copies to potential beneficiaries to make sure on their death, the surviving spouse doesn’t rip up their will leaving potential beneficiaries with nothing.

Nope. I’d be supporting him to keep it. He hardly knows them.

Way to miss the point - they’re his mum’s children as much as he is and he’s going against her wishes. It wouldn’t matter if he’d never met them.

His mum is dead. If his mum wanted things done differently that was for her to sort out when she was alive or for her to ensure her husband honoured. Her husband chose not to. As OPs husband doesn’t have much of a relationship with them, he owes them nothing.