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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to tell DH to split his inheritance with his half siblings?

454 replies

hesbelleth · 17/05/2026 18:17

DH lost both of his parents quite young, when he was in his late 20s. His parents were both on their second marriage. He was adopted but only found out on his dad’s death.

His mum had two biological children with her first husband. They are in their late 50s, so much much older than DH. He sees them maybe 2-3 times a year, but growing up he didn’t really see them for a few years at a time. They’re both nice people.

When his mum died, she left his dad all of their property/money. She wanted her half to be split amongst her three children.

When DH’s dad died, he left everything to DH. It’s not an enormous sum but includes a very small flat in Kensington so it’s an estate of £1m+

DH’s siblings have now come to ask if he will be giving them their share of the estate. That is, for the mum’s half, split between them. DH doesn’t want to give them anything as it was left to him. He also says the money is more useful for him than them as they’re retired or about to and own their own houses outright.

OP posts:
Edamcheese · 18/05/2026 19:58

A million pounds is a life changer for most average people .But there are many multimillionaires and to them it’s a drop in the ocean. But a million pounds is certainly not a small amount even for these days especially if it’s just dropped in your lap.

ExecutorAttorneyAdvicePlease · 18/05/2026 20:00

southcoastsammy · 18/05/2026 19:58

I’m going on what OP
said! And OP said the mother wanted that and why would she not????

You can’t really think of any reason why the DM may not?
Why do you think Wills exist in the first place?

Catwomancat · 18/05/2026 20:00

Would DH have to sell the flat he inherited to share the money? Maybe he has plans for the flat and that is putting him off.

JHound · 18/05/2026 20:01

ExecutorAttorneyAdvicePlease · 18/05/2026 19:56

Why? All you know is that someone said that the DM’s wishes were for her estate to be shared with the children. There is no legal basis.

Why not. She has written for advice. I am providing that advice based on what OP has stated as her husband’s reasons.

I see no point in basing advice on hypotheticals not mentioned. You are free to do so but you can cease harassing others to follow suit.

JHound · 18/05/2026 20:01

ExecutorAttorneyAdvicePlease · 18/05/2026 19:56

Why? All you know is that someone said that the DM’s wishes were for her estate to be shared with the children. There is no legal basis.

Why not. She has written for advice. I am providing that advice based on what OP has stated as her husband’s reasons.

I see no point in basing advice on hypotheticals not mentioned. You are free to do so but you can cease harassing others to follow suit.

Haveanopinion · 18/05/2026 20:01

lunar1 · 17/05/2026 18:32

It’s just awful when parents in a blended family are relying on someone else to do the right thing. Inheritance should never be left to the whims of a step parent.

Having been on the receiving end of this (my dad passed away before my stepmom) I totally agree. My dad thought he could trust her to keep their mirrored wills but, having inherited all of his share she chose to leave a very small token to me and my kids

Another2Cats · 18/05/2026 20:01

diddl · 18/05/2026 19:47

So essentially his mum left nothing to any of her children & his dad left it all to his only child?

"...his dad left it all to his only child?"

No, you clearly misunderstand the OP.

The person who was left the money was the adopted son of these two people. He was totally unrelated to them or the children of the adoptive mother.

"He was adopted but only found out on his dad’s death."

Neither of his adoptive parents bothered to let him know that he had been adopted.

Tableforjoan · 18/05/2026 20:05

Another2Cats · 18/05/2026 20:01

"...his dad left it all to his only child?"

No, you clearly misunderstand the OP.

The person who was left the money was the adopted son of these two people. He was totally unrelated to them or the children of the adoptive mother.

"He was adopted but only found out on his dad’s death."

Neither of his adoptive parents bothered to let him know that he had been adopted.

The adoption made him his child. The man’s only child as the mothers children where his step children.

Unrelated biological but legally his only child.

His mother and father clearly didn’t want him to know he was adopted so very much their shared child.

LoyalMember · 18/05/2026 20:05

What an awful state of affairs. Of course he should share it with them. When my stepdad died my sister and I received about £11,000 each. Out of my share I gave my late brother's ex wife, whom he divorced years earlier, a couple of grand because, as a Council Home Help, but in her own time, she'd helped me with my stepdad at the very end when he was very infirm, and I was grateful for the help she gave.
Some of the money your hubby inherited is morally his stepbrothers money as well. Urge him to do the right thing.

Tableforjoan · 18/05/2026 20:06

Haveanopinion · 18/05/2026 20:01

Having been on the receiving end of this (my dad passed away before my stepmom) I totally agree. My dad thought he could trust her to keep their mirrored wills but, having inherited all of his share she chose to leave a very small token to me and my kids

Never trust a step parent to put your child on equal level to their own.

Very rarely will it pay off.

Another2Cats · 18/05/2026 20:07

Tableforjoan · 18/05/2026 20:05

The adoption made him his child. The man’s only child as the mothers children where his step children.

Unrelated biological but legally his only child.

His mother and father clearly didn’t want him to know he was adopted so very much their shared child.

Ok, yes, a fair point.

PeoplesNet · 18/05/2026 20:09

ExecutorAttorneyAdvicePlease · 18/05/2026 19:09

But it doesn’t change the sentiment of the person who’s Will it was.

By redistributing your share estate of the estate to those intentionally left out of the Will you are also disrepecting this wishes of the deceased. Of course, once the money is given to the beneficiary it is up to them what to do with it.

Hey, I wasn't commenting on the OP's post with that, I was replying to someone else's situation which was a bit different.

Sausageplait · 18/05/2026 20:09

It would be morally wrong of him not to share his mother's half of the money. It doesnt matter how old his siblings are . They are entitled to that money and may well have need of it.
I would never look at my husband in the same way again if he behaved in such a disgusting manner.

PhaedraTwo · 18/05/2026 20:11

ExecutorAttorneyAdvicePlease · 18/05/2026 14:26

Houses are usually held as joint tenants and so the spouse will automatically inherit up the other’s death.
Given the lack of a Will, I would be surprised if it was held as tenants in common.

For everything else when you die intestate:
Spouse gets possessions and up to £322k.

Anything over £322k is split - half goes to the spouse and remaining half goes to the children equally.

Hence, why it is not a split or the current £1million estate or even a 3-way split of the mother’s estate.

Edited

Houses are usually held as joint tenants and so the spouse will automatically inherit up the other’s death.

If you are in England and Wales. In Scotland, that's not the case. We have no concept of "joint tenants" where property is owned, not rented. There might be a survivorship destination but it's not always the case.

Marieb19 · 18/05/2026 20:11

If he knows his mother wanted her half to be split 3 ways i think he does have an obligation to respect her wishes. Your DH would still have 3/5 of the estate and a good relationship with his brothers. The alternative could be a costly court case.

Minnie798 · 18/05/2026 20:19

Yes, mums share should be split between the three of them. It sounds like you know that was her wish. I'd judge my dp heavily if he kept all the money, knowing that wasn't what his mum wanted. Not the type of person I'd respect.

Yepbeentherebefore · 18/05/2026 20:19

As someone whose been on the wrong side of a similar situation, I absolutely think he should share his mothers part of the money. Karma has a funny way of paying back, it certainly did to the person in my situation and from my point of view, it really wasn’t worth it.

ExecutorAttorneyAdvicePlease · 18/05/2026 20:20

JHound · 18/05/2026 20:01

Why not. She has written for advice. I am providing that advice based on what OP has stated as her husband’s reasons.

I see no point in basing advice on hypotheticals not mentioned. You are free to do so but you can cease harassing others to follow suit.

The whole thing is hypothetical, including what OP said.
THAT is the ridiculousness of the whole situation. But you are happy to give advice without considering why the DH should think twice before doing so. Ok sure.

diddl · 18/05/2026 20:21

"...his dad left it all to his only child?"
No, you clearly misunderstand the OP.

No I didn't!

Adoption made him his father's child!

PhaedraTwo · 18/05/2026 20:23

Tulipsriver · 18/05/2026 18:27

His mum left her share to his dad in good faith. I would lose all respect for him if he didn't share it voluntarily.

His dad has already betrayed his mum. Now he wants to do the same thing.

I'm sure this scenario is entirely fictional but sorry that post and indeed many others are just nonsense.

Ma left her whole estate to her husband - it's his. He could spend the whole lot. It's up to husband.

Talking about "mother's wishes" is emotional nonsense. There are several ways her children could have been protected under her will. It's absurd to leave money or house to person A on the condition Person A can't sell, squander it or give it away.

Tableforjoan · 18/05/2026 20:25

Exactly Dad could of blown it all on hookers and coke if he wanted 😅

Doubt they would be arguing over an old sofa and some clothes.

ExecutorAttorneyAdvicePlease · 18/05/2026 20:25

PhaedraTwo · 18/05/2026 20:11

Houses are usually held as joint tenants and so the spouse will automatically inherit up the other’s death.

If you are in England and Wales. In Scotland, that's not the case. We have no concept of "joint tenants" where property is owned, not rented. There might be a survivorship destination but it's not always the case.

No Common Property law or have I misinterpreted that?

southcoastsammy · 18/05/2026 20:27

Marieb19 · 18/05/2026 20:11

If he knows his mother wanted her half to be split 3 ways i think he does have an obligation to respect her wishes. Your DH would still have 3/5 of the estate and a good relationship with his brothers. The alternative could be a costly court case.

Or you staying with a man who has the morals of an alley cat.

Tableforjoan · 18/05/2026 20:28

southcoastsammy · 18/05/2026 20:27

Or you staying with a man who has the morals of an alley cat.

Is he blowing his money on hookers and coke?

Because ally cats is more fucking around rather than hoarding cash 😅

SonnyHoney · 18/05/2026 20:29

1 million is a life changing amount of money.
I think there would be a small part in all of this why we thought hey let's keep this money. However your moral sense kicks in, and you actually realise that that is an awful selfish thing to do!!! I don't think I could be with someone who treated others this way.