AIBU to tell DH to split his inheritance with his half siblings?

[hesbelleth]

DH lost both of his parents quite young, when he was in his late 20s. His parents were both on their second marriage. He was adopted but only found out on his dad’s death.

His mum had two biological children with her first husband. They are in their late 50s, so much much older than DH. He sees them maybe 2-3 times a year, but growing up he didn’t really see them for a few years at a time. They’re both nice people.

When his mum died, she left his dad all of their property/money. She wanted her half to be split amongst her three children.

When DH’s dad died, he left everything to DH. It’s not an enormous sum but includes a very small flat in Kensington so it’s an estate of £1m+

DH’s siblings have now come to ask if he will be giving them their share of the estate. That is, for the mum’s half, split between them. DH doesn’t want to give them anything as it was left to him. He also says the money is more useful for him than them as they’re retired or about to and own their own houses outright.

Exactly! Why does the OP think she can 'tell' her OH what to do about anything? Maybe in the circumstances she can try to influence him but she certainly can't 'tell' him what to do! Imagine the furore on MN were a husband to 'tell' his wife what to do with her inheritance!

If he knows it's what his mother wanted he should do it.

His mum left her share to his dad in good faith. I would lose all respect for him if he didn't share it voluntarily.

His dad has already betrayed his mum. Now he wants to do the same thing.

Is this a reverse?

If honouring the M’s wishes:

1. your husband receives 1/2 from his father and (third of 1/2) from his M. 4/6 altogether ie 2/3 of the total.
2. the half siblings each receive 1/3 of 1/2 (from their mother) ie 1/6 each.

Why wouldn't he just give them their share?. I imagine he would be furious if the shoe was on the other foot. Well l certainly would not want a partner who is greedy, not a nice thing to be...Hope he does the right thing, money isn't everything, but it does bring out the worst in people, just like your dh

Whatever his mother's share was, could be split between the 3x of them, but no more than that.

Like father like son. They both know what their wife/mother wanted, and are both selfish arses.

When his mum died, she left his dad all of their property/money. She wanted her half to be split amongst her three children.

This is ambiguous. How and/or why did she leave everything to her husband if she wanted ‘her half’ to be split between her three children?

At least you now know what type of man he is.

You can be sure in a divorce he’ll happily try and screw you over financially.

in my family, my grandad died before my Nan and left everything to her but he wanted his biological kids included in the will when my Nan died. My nan ensured that all the kids inherited as he had wanted. Before my mum knew that’s what the will said, she was very clear that her and her brother would split with their half sisters if they weren’t included in the will. It’s a shame your DH doesn’t respect his mother’s wishes.

You are asking for opinions, so here it is. It's none of your business at all and he has no legal or moral reason to share his money with essentially strangers.

That's the end of it. However, to elaborate: I don't understand why the mother left her husband everything if she really wanted her biological children to have money too. That's odd. Have you read her will? Even if you read her will and she left her money to her husband instead of her children, with a note explaining why: it then became her husband's money when she died. He had every right to make his own decision about what to do with his money on his death. And if you try to convince your husband to go against his father's will, you're saying you are prioritising the wishes of the already dead mother, over the recently deceased father. Why? His wishes are just as important. He will have had his reasons for leaving that money to your husband.

To me, it sounds like virtue signalling or cowardice to give in to these random people who are coming out of the woodwork to ask for money they didn't earn and are not entitled to. It's weird. If it were justified, okay, but I haven't heard where it is.

This is important. People can be really impacted emotionally / mentally by what you leave them in a will as it shows what you 'really' thought of them. Whether true or not, people see it as 'who was loved more', not 'who needed it more' so I love your idea.

I’m trying to understand the timescales here. It seems like DH lost his parents a while ago so why is it only now that the half siblings are asking about inheritance?

Regardless, if she wanted her share split between her three children then even if that wasn’t stated in her legal will it was a wish he knew about and so he really should honour it. Going against her express wishes isn’t something to be done lightly.

But it doesn’t change the sentiment of the person who’s Will it was.

By redistributing your share estate of the estate to those intentionally left out of the Will you are also disrepecting this wishes of the deceased. Of course, once the money is given to the beneficiary it is up to them what to do with it.

"...so why is it only now that the half siblings are asking about inheritance?"

They are not even half siblings. But I do agree with you that the very late claim doesn't do them any favours.

From the OP, it appears that they are the biological children of his adoptive mother. The mother (and also father) that didn't ever tell him that he was adopted.

I'm not sure it is that much. Mum's half of 1m....£500,000 divided by 3.

This.

his mum half split 3 ways is 1/6 to each brother let’s say it is 600,000 - he still gets £400000 and it’s the right thing to do

Have you read her will? .... And if you try to convince your husband to go against his father's will...

There is nothing to indicate that either of them made a will. Both of them may have died intestate.

If the mother wanted her older children to inherit a share of her estate, either after her death or after her husband's death, she could have ensured that by making a will.

If the first will is drawn up properly, the children can't be disinherited by the surviving spouse making a later will.

As often said on MN - inheritance is not a right (beyond what is written in law, whether that be the rules of intestacy or through a Will).
If you want your wishes to be truly followed then write a Will. There is nothing moral beyond following the wishes of the deceased.

Who knows whether the mother truly wanted to leave anything to her biological children.
She may have said that outwardly to keep the peace but then told her husband to give everything to their adopted son. He may have been honouring her true wishes.

This is exactly what my mom did.

My dad has children from his previous marriage. But the house he and my mom own together, she wanted to ensure that my brother and I got that, because it was our family home and nothing to do with our half siblings. (We barely have a relationship with them - their choice. And they have a mother with a house that can be left to them).

So she severed the joint tenancy to be tenants in common instead, so that she would have 50% of the house that she could specifically ring fence in her will for my brother and I. My Dads will leaves his half of the house to my mother first, and then to us if my mother has passed.

If you have express wishes you want fulfilled, then you need to make a will that reflects that. Don’t just rely on someone else to do that for you.

He should share. I would say he keeps 50 percent as his fathers share and the. Split the other 50 3 ways for his mother's share.

Its his choice. However, if my husband did this to siblings I would judge him and question how I still felt about the man that I married.

The mum left everything to the dad. Who clearly didn’t respect her wishes.

This is why you should never write a will that doesn't explicitly set out your wishes, as otherwise you're relying on someone's good will to carry them out.
I don't think they have a legal claim but morally yes he should share it.

I totally agree with you. And I wouldn’t be happy with my dh if he didn’t give his siblings their fair share. He will still get way more! It’s sad really that he prefers money to helping his family.