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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I really want to go home. I really really want to go home.

293 replies

JacknDiane · 17/05/2026 17:15

But my home isn't there. The council have got someone else there. My parents lived there 50 odd years, then mum moved to sheltered housing. But the family home with the nice garden is what I miss. And mum pottering in the garden. Dad is dead so long I struggle to remember what he did. But mum comes back easier, shes dead nearly 15 years. I was a late baby, my siblings are so distant from me, I was always really an only child.
My kids now are grown and moved away. Not near me at all now. Im happy for them,they are leading a young 20 somethings life. As it should be. They were here today for 2 days but both gone back now. I haven't got any family apart from them and dh. Dh is good but he doesn't understand how I feel. His siblings are in this city, although he doesn't see them much, they are still here.
When my dcs leave I dont know when I'll see them again, they both have lots going on. Im glad for them. But I feel so bereft when they go. Ive had a lump in my throat all day. I mostly stayed home when they were small or worked around them. That's unpopular on here but it was what we all wanted. Ive got friends, a job, I keep busy. Im not sat here waiting for someone to knock on my door, I plan things and keep occupied.

But when the dcs have been here then they go, I just want to go home, to the house I grew up, with my mum and dad there. Them just pottering, watching telly, going a walk. Nothing exciting, just the foundation of my childhood and young adulthood. I just want mum to say its ok, you'll miss them but you'll see them soon. Just reassure me all is well. I know it is, but I haven't been reassured by my parents in at least 20 years. I looked after mum after dad died. I became her mum. Its just what happened.

I just want to go home and sit with them. And drink tea. Then come back here and get on with my life.

But I can't and its overwhelming sometimes.

OP posts:
Mumtobabyhavoc · 17/05/2026 20:23

I know. 💐

ETA
"Hold on to 16 as long as you can."
Some of the best advice, ever.

Sarahpainting · 17/05/2026 20:24

I was very lucky to be loved and adored. Even as an adult my parents face lit up when they saw me. I didn’t realise how lovely that was until I lost them both. There’s no one loves you quite like your mum and dad ❤️

AJLOAL · 17/05/2026 20:25

You have brought a year to my eye.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 17/05/2026 20:26

wheredidtheteago · 17/05/2026 17:35

We have a word in Welsh, ‘Hiraeth’ which translates to the feeling of longing for a time or place that doesn’t exist anymore. You’re not alone lovely. Xx

Beautiful.
You are definitely not alone. I often have to longing for my mother’s home, it’s been gone since 2023.

Piknik · 17/05/2026 20:26

OP I feel exactly the same.

My mum died around 8 years ago and my dad 10. Sometimes it feels like a hundred years ago and sometimes it feels like yesterday. I am an only child with no family except DH and my 2 x adult DC, and sometimes the urge to 'go home' to that time and just slip back into the fabric and simplicity of that life is overwhelming.

My mum had dementia towards the end of her life. She would regularly insist that she wanted to 'go home' despite the fact that she was in the family home we'd all lived in for 30 years. I learned in time that 'home' was a feeling. She wanted to feel safe, loved, secure and reassured. She wanted to feel the simplicity of childhood. that was 'home' I think.

I completely understand everything you've said.

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 17/05/2026 20:27

Thank you to everyone who's told me how to pronounce hiraeth.

myinlawsareshittytoo · 17/05/2026 20:28

Oh @JacknDianeyour post made me cry. I know exactly how you feel. I’m only in my early forties and my little one is still in primary school but I lost my mum 2 years ago and I’m estranged from my father and he lives in the family home. All I want to do is go over and walk in the door, have a nose in the kitchen and see if there is anything nice to eat, talk to my mum while she leans on the island half concentrating on whatever she’s cooking and have her tell me it will all be ok. I miss her so much.
Like you, I have a full and busy life, a lovely DH, a beautiful son, a job(which I work around my son) a lovely home, friends etc… but God I just want to go home and see my mammy. It takes my breath away that she has gone. And that we got left with him to deal with.
sending you so much love.

Sleepybear1234 · 17/05/2026 20:31

Sending you lots of love ❤️ I have just lost my dad and have been feeling like this ever since it's an awful feeling take care of yourself xx

Robynxoxo · 17/05/2026 20:31

Oh my heart breaks for you. Homesickness is very real. Youre yearning for a place that is no longer yours. Xxx

MrsCarmelaSoprano · 17/05/2026 20:33

I still dream about being in my grandparents house ,I know exactly what you mean OP x

choccytime · 17/05/2026 20:35

I get you OP . My Dad died just before my son was born , and then I lost my Mum two years later when my new baby was six weeks old . I was heartbroken obviously but I also missed the home that I was born in and grew up in and my Mother died there . I still have dreams about that house that I go back , sometimes Mum is there , sometimes she isn't x

Dancingsquirrels · 17/05/2026 20:36

Every few years, I look at my first childhood home on Goigle Maps. We moved away when I was 8. These memories are very powerful

Papster · 17/05/2026 20:38

I’m really surprised by the 17% unreasonable.
You’re not clinging to your kids or guilt tripping them.
You’re mourning a different time and a different you.
Mary Chapin Carpenter has a great song, ‘It’s ok to be sad’ . Find it on Spotify etc.

hypnovic · 17/05/2026 20:38

This made me just want to give you a hug. I know its not going to compensate for what you really want but your system is asking for comfort saftey familiarity. When I need to self soothe through something I have a heated throw blanket I wrap round my shoulders my favourite mug (it has a puppy on it) i fill with hot chocolate including cream minimarsh mallows n sprinkles, and read my favourite childhood books (c.s lewis) and maybe make a simple comfort meal ..my nan used to make doorstep bread cheese on toast. Maybe you can pull in a few comforts as I say I fully understand its not gunna fix the feelings but maybe it will soften the edges a little

Aspirex · 17/05/2026 20:39

I sometimes miss a time i was not even in.

smurfette1818 · 17/05/2026 20:42

I'd like to thank you @JacknDiane for writing this thread. I have this exact feeling come and go for many years, but always think of it as unreasonable and I never tell anyone about it. This thread really helped me.

WearyAuldWumman · 17/05/2026 20:42

Same. I keep dreaming that I'm back in my childhood home.

Movinandgroovin · 17/05/2026 20:44

I know it won't help you op but I read your craving for the past and feel I missed out on so much not having parents like yours. I would have loved that even for a day. Sending hugs xx

JayJayEl · 17/05/2026 20:44

Aspirex · 17/05/2026 20:39

I sometimes miss a time i was not even in.

A perfect example of how the word 'hiraeth' doesn't just mean 'nostalgic'. :)

JayJayEl · 17/05/2026 20:45

Caniweartheseones · 17/05/2026 19:23

I sometimes feel alone in my grief for the life I used to have, in my country. Here, I pass as local, but I am not and I wish I could go home. That place doesn’t exist anymore. There was a war and political skirmishes. Sorry you miss them. It is very sad. Thanks for being here though.

I can't imagine how difficult this form of longing must be. Sending you love. ❤️

Lifeomars · 17/05/2026 20:51

I was doing some clearing out the other day and came across my mum's handbag which i kept after her death. She has been gone for over 20 years now and her bag with her glasses, pen, cheque book (that shows how long ago it was), tissues, a shopping list and her pen still moves me to tears.

LBFseBrom · 17/05/2026 20:56

Aw bless you. You are having one of those days, it happens. However you will be fine and remember you have created your own home that your children like to visit.

You will feel better tomorrow. Look after yourself. x

redcosmeticbag · 17/05/2026 20:57

I felt every word of your post OP. Sometimes the past is so close I feel I can almost touch it. Home life for me wasn't great but I loved school and I loved the house I had when I was married which was just a few streets away. I dream about school often and oddly I dream about the library I fequented several times a week. I wish I could go back and take some different decisions. I miss where I grew up so much it hurts.

cobrakaieaglefang · 17/05/2026 20:59

When I dream its always in my childhood home. Even if the characters in the dream are contemporary. I occasionally drive past but it was 'modernised' years ago so doesn't look the same.
The car park nearby which we played in as kids is rammed with cars and looks so small compared to how I remember it.
I have a great deal of nostalgia for the mid 70s,for me a carefree and trouble free existence. I often wish there was time travel.

Vtm · 17/05/2026 21:00

I dont usually post but I wanted to tell you something that might help. Make a tea or whatever you like, sit at a comfy place, a sofa, an armchair or bed, have a nice balnket put on the music you used to listen when you were a child. It somehow takes me back down the memory lane to the time as it was and gives that feeling of being home. Music and scent are two things that helps me make time travel. If you dont have any specific music, may be cook something that your mum used to cook for you or watch a movie of that time.