I really want to go home. I really really want to go home.

[JacknDiane]

But my home isn't there. The council have got someone else there. My parents lived there 50 odd years, then mum moved to sheltered housing. But the family home with the nice garden is what I miss. And mum pottering in the garden. Dad is dead so long I struggle to remember what he did. But mum comes back easier, shes dead nearly 15 years. I was a late baby, my siblings are so distant from me, I was always really an only child.
My kids now are grown and moved away. Not near me at all now. Im happy for them,they are leading a young 20 somethings life. As it should be. They were here today for 2 days but both gone back now. I haven't got any family apart from them and dh. Dh is good but he doesn't understand how I feel. His siblings are in this city, although he doesn't see them much, they are still here.
When my dcs leave I dont know when I'll see them again, they both have lots going on. Im glad for them. But I feel so bereft when they go. Ive had a lump in my throat all day. I mostly stayed home when they were small or worked around them. That's unpopular on here but it was what we all wanted. Ive got friends, a job, I keep busy. Im not sat here waiting for someone to knock on my door, I plan things and keep occupied.

But when the dcs have been here then they go, I just want to go home, to the house I grew up, with my mum and dad there. Them just pottering, watching telly, going a walk. Nothing exciting, just the foundation of my childhood and young adulthood. I just want mum to say its ok, you'll miss them but you'll see them soon. Just reassure me all is well. I know it is, but I haven't been reassured by my parents in at least 20 years. I looked after mum after dad died. I became her mum. Its just what happened.

I just want to go home and sit with them. And drink tea. Then come back here and get on with my life.

But I can't and its overwhelming sometimes.

You're grieving for the past which doesn't exist.

Can you access some private counselling for grief?

And also try to find new hobbies, meet people, become a volunteer and find new interests.

Sitting at home and longing to be a child again in your parents home is not good.

Maybe you need to try it again.

It's only you who can change your thoughts and talking to a counsellor can help.

That's lovely. Cherish the memories.

I am literally right now flying around in Google Earth around place I grew up in. Looking at my house, school, nursery school. Remembering how it was when I lived there.
Its not about people, I still have my parents and see them more then I like. But I get the longing for the times long gone.

As someone has already mentioned @JacknDiane HIRAETH. ❤

I hear ya. I really do. And I think a lot of others do......... Sometimes, in my heart, I have a deep aching for the past, when I was a child/teen and had 25-ish family members within 15 minutes walk of me. Parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and my brother, (and also lots of friends, and all our dogs!)

Just enjoying my childhood, cycling around the houses and the little roads, and exploring the countryside - that was a 10 minute bike ride from my house, playing hide and seek, and hopskotch, and skipping, and playing ball games. Used to be quite a decent sized pool (2 to 4 feet deep,) in the local park 7-8 minutes walk away from my house,) too that us kids would go and jump into, and swim in during the hot days... (That was taken away in the 1990s because of health and safety, even though NO-ONE ever came to harm in the bloody pool in the 25 years it was there!) 🙄

Ahhhh, good times! 😃

.

Keeping busy to avoid your thoughts doesn't work either. Sometimes you just have to let yourself feel.

I understand. Same here.

Sending you a hug. ❤️

I know what you mean. My dad died a couple of years ago and my mum is in the throws of dementia and a long, drawn out end. I miss being able to ring them up and tell them what I’ve been up to. I miss my childhood home and the freedom and the knowledge that they would always be there. Transitioning to older age is painful.

Hi OP, I completely understand , “ I want to go home too “ I’m an only child mum died a few years ago , she was a single Mum avd I miss her every day . I just want to sit in the kitchen and drink tea and for someone to tell me it’s going to be ok. I too only have my DH and young DC. I miss picking up the phone and hearing her voice. Her phone company have re allocated her number I used to text her in heaven , crazy I know …. Send her pics of the kids on birthdays and Christmas. All my close family are dead now and it’s hard . I put up her Christmas cards at Christmas and birthday cards from her on my birthday . I’m glad I kept some. I use her tea pot every day ! No advice just solidarity. Sending a hug ❤️

You lost your home, it’s such a hard thing. I lost my grandparents and while it’s different, losing a huge part of your identity and family is so hard to mentally adjust to. Just know what you’re feeling is normal and it’s ok to crave that.

That's made me quite emotional! You're not alone in that 'homesickness for another time', what a lovely phrase. Saudade and hiraeth are great words as well.

I have lovely memories of my GPs house, playing in the garden, staying over, my grandma singing to me. I still miss her, she's been dead 30 years.

When my Ddad died, my DSis and I looked around our area where we grew up, it was a great comfort. Although our family home was really run down, which was so depressing. My DDad kept it so nicely and it's been rented out and really gone downhill.

I hope you can find some comfort tonight. Sounds like you had a lovely childhood.

I do know how you feel. It aches. It gets worse the older I get. I never really saw it coming.

Home sick,for a time that no longer exists. X

I totally relate to this! Selling my parents home felt like selling my entire childhood. I feel totally lost without them, like my entire foundation has gone. Grief is being homesick for a person/people.

💔💔💔

Could you write something - perhaps a book of memories or letters to your parents.

It does sound like you’re grieving but I think it’s more than that.

I think your kids getting older is making you reflect on life.
Your kids were your purpose in life and so the only 2 things you really know is how to be a mum or to be a child - you feel your kids don’t need you as much and so you’re automatically wanting to go back to the only other life you know.

No matter how sad it is you can’t go back.
You need to focus on the best things about your life now and what you’re looking forward to.

What do you want your new identity to be?
In the future, you can be an amazing grandmother - perhaps now is the time to be selfish or travel or do things that you may not have been able to do whilst your DC were young and you may not want to do when you have grandchildren.

Sending a hug. You aren’t alone in this feeling.

You're being unreasonable in that your longing to go home isn't coming from a place of reason (you know it's impossible) but a place of deep emotional need. And that's quite understandable. I'd love to go on a day trip to the suburb where I grew up, in that strange far-off land known as the 1960s and 70s. Most of all, I'd love to see my parents again, young and fit and strong, and I'd love to hear their voices and hold them and be held. I'd like to go to all the old shops - buy a copy of Jackie and a quarter of sherbet lemons at the newsagent and browse the records in Our Price. I'd love a cuddle with my family dog, the one who died when I was 15 leaving me bereft. Sigh.

I’m at the point in my life where I consider the number of years I might have left when making decisions like adopting a new pet, making a big purchase and so on. I also look back on my life and the gatherings with parents, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandma. They’re all gone now except for one cousin. It can be very sad at times.

I dreamt about my grandfather yesterday, and his allotment. My parents are dead but weren’t a safe space, but my grandparents were, and I know exactly what you mean. I can hear my grandfather whistling while gardening yet, and he died 30 years ago. I was safe there
I feel this with you

I very much know what you mean. I feel very nostalgic for the past, it’s like a physical pain.

I wonder will, will my own children look back on the 2010s and 2020s the same way? I suppose they will because it’s human nature, but I can’t help feeling like we’ve all lost something.

I remember sitting in my grandparents house so well, I almost feel like I could go back there if I wish it hard enough.

Thank you again for all these replies.

I'll be ok tomorrow, its just my kids are away and want to jump in the car and go and see mum and dad. But I can't. And my siblings would be utterly amazed i feel as i do, not that id tell them. They were never a support in any way.

Absolutely clueless and totally lacking in empathy 🙄

I read there is a theory that when you die there is a final room theory you go back to a room in your life where you felt the most happy and safe . I think mine would be when DS was little and when my parents were still alive . I do know sometimes people see their dead relatives when they go so perhaps we all do go home in the end .

This is a good description. I never want to go back to my childhood but I'd love to go back to my son's childhood, I miss that time.