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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I really want to go home. I really really want to go home.

293 replies

JacknDiane · 17/05/2026 17:15

But my home isn't there. The council have got someone else there. My parents lived there 50 odd years, then mum moved to sheltered housing. But the family home with the nice garden is what I miss. And mum pottering in the garden. Dad is dead so long I struggle to remember what he did. But mum comes back easier, shes dead nearly 15 years. I was a late baby, my siblings are so distant from me, I was always really an only child.
My kids now are grown and moved away. Not near me at all now. Im happy for them,they are leading a young 20 somethings life. As it should be. They were here today for 2 days but both gone back now. I haven't got any family apart from them and dh. Dh is good but he doesn't understand how I feel. His siblings are in this city, although he doesn't see them much, they are still here.
When my dcs leave I dont know when I'll see them again, they both have lots going on. Im glad for them. But I feel so bereft when they go. Ive had a lump in my throat all day. I mostly stayed home when they were small or worked around them. That's unpopular on here but it was what we all wanted. Ive got friends, a job, I keep busy. Im not sat here waiting for someone to knock on my door, I plan things and keep occupied.

But when the dcs have been here then they go, I just want to go home, to the house I grew up, with my mum and dad there. Them just pottering, watching telly, going a walk. Nothing exciting, just the foundation of my childhood and young adulthood. I just want mum to say its ok, you'll miss them but you'll see them soon. Just reassure me all is well. I know it is, but I haven't been reassured by my parents in at least 20 years. I looked after mum after dad died. I became her mum. Its just what happened.

I just want to go home and sit with them. And drink tea. Then come back here and get on with my life.

But I can't and its overwhelming sometimes.

OP posts:
ThankYouNigel · 17/05/2026 20:07

Bless you OP, how you are feeling sounds really tough. I am so sorry 💐 time and life can feel so difficult, people no longer with us and times passed that we would so love to return too. Please do contact Cruse Bereavement if you’d like to explore your feelings further with a sensitive listener. Take care, sending a big hug.

Mum2Fergus · 17/05/2026 20:08

Hugs to you OP. I drove past what I still regard as my family home in January (only time I’ve been back since clearing house after DM/DF passing.

Your post made me think of this sketch…

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

https://youtu.be/7hwaLaBkjtQ?si=cOiPHB6v24s3SF-1

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 17/05/2026 20:08

Can anyone tell me how to pronounce the word "Hiraeth" please?

Bufftailed · 17/05/2026 20:09

Aww OP. The older we get the more we want to go back. These feelings come and go. Can’t do much, other than carry on

hotsoap · 17/05/2026 20:10

This is may be not the past knocking on the door, but the eternal home ...

ThriveAT · 17/05/2026 20:10

I hear you. I have sometimes had dreams of my original family and that childhood feeling of coming out of your room and having a chat with your parent. I have woken ip with a feeling of intense longing for the past. These dreams fon't happen often though.

Perhaps you shoukd speak with a professional. It sounds like you are grieving the changes in yiur life.

Morepositivemum · 17/05/2026 20:10

I get this sometimes when I come home to my mum and brother, my mum has aged so much and my brother seems lonely. I picture us all (six of us) watching midsomer murders or sitting around chatting and it makes me ache. Huge huge huge huge hugs op x

Zov · 17/05/2026 20:11

Thecows · 17/05/2026 20:04

Absolutely clueless and totally lacking in empathy 🙄

Yes, that was a pretty insensitive post by @Boomer55 I have to say.

A rather unusual case where the first post DOESN'T nail it. 😆

xino · 17/05/2026 20:11

I hear you OP. Nostalgia can be physically painful sometimes.

Zov · 17/05/2026 20:12

MovedlikeHarlowinMonteCarlo · 17/05/2026 20:08

Can anyone tell me how to pronounce the word "Hiraeth" please?

Heer-aythe I think. Hopefully some lovely Welsh person will be along soon to confirm if I'm right or not! (Apologies if I'm not!) 😬

.

NotAtMyAge · 17/05/2026 20:15

Boomer55 · 17/05/2026 17:17

The past has gone. Onwards and upwards to the future. 😊

For most of us on this thread we have far less future to look forward to than past to remember. Our past, for good or ill, has made us who we are and if we were fortunate in our family and childhood, remembering those people and that time is something we have no real control over. The memories come unbidden, as do the emotions they stir up. I've just had my 80th birthday and have been without my much-loved parents for well over 40 years, yet I still miss them, especially when there are family happenings they would have loved to hear about or share. I still have fond memories of the only set of grandparents I knew - my mother's parents - who lived next-door to us almost all my childhood. These memories are an essential part of me and I treasure them.

Latenightreader · 17/05/2026 20:15

There is definitely something in the air this weekend. I was in the kitchen earlier and I suddenly missed my Nan so much it physically hurt and I had to fight not to cry. Nan died in 1995, but people we love remain with us in some way.

Leavelingeringbreath · 17/05/2026 20:15

We do have a word for this in English too...

... Nostalgia

This is literally what nostalgia is

JayJayEl · 17/05/2026 20:17

ColdTofuSandwich · 17/05/2026 17:17

That’s made me cry. I know exactly what you mean - homesick for another time.

Have you ever heard of the Welsh word 'Hiraeth'? Pronounced he-rye-th. It doesn't translate well in to English, but it means a type of longing/homesickness for a past time.
@JacknDiane It doesn't help you stop feeling what you're feeling, but have a look in to the word. Being able to name what you feel, and knowing that others often feel the same, may help you find some comfort. ❤️

Edited as pressed send too soon!

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 17/05/2026 20:17

No advice for you OP but so much understanding. I live in the house I lived in with my parents from the age of 17. When my DS was two we bought the house from them and they moved into the granny annex. DF died 14 years ago, DM 2 years ago. The funny thing is I miss them most when there is good news I know would make them happy. When there's anything anxiety inducing I am glad to cope with it on my own but I so wish I could share the good times with them. My DC are all grown up and gone - one of them still lives locally - and DH and I have a lovely quiet life but when anything good happens I wish I could turn the clock back and involve my mum and dad.

MintyPig1989 · 17/05/2026 20:19

I get you. I miss my hometown and when my dad was alive. I'm 3 hours away but what gets me though is once or twice a year,I visit my old haunts and remenisc.

DoctorMarten · 17/05/2026 20:19

Oh my. I so relate. Sending you empathy, OP.

AprilMizzel · 17/05/2026 20:20

I recently had reason to look up sure start and libaray and council nursury building on Google Street View. I spent so much time in when the kids were young.

It's now gone and it left me feeling upset and strangely old oddly more so than village I grew up in which is weird being very similar and different at same time. Yet I don't expect areas to stay the same.

JayJayEl · 17/05/2026 20:20

Zov · 17/05/2026 20:12

Heer-aythe I think. Hopefully some lovely Welsh person will be along soon to confirm if I'm right or not! (Apologies if I'm not!) 😬

.

Edited

Oh - silly me to think no one had mentioned this yet! 😅
It's pronounced he-rye-th ('th' as in 'thin'. :)

eatreadsleeprepeat · 17/05/2026 20:20

It is a strange time in your life, you are grieving several past yous. The child in a secure home, the daughter who looked after parents, the mother who dedicated years to her children. You are doing it right, you let them go, that is how they learn to fly and one day will maybe come back. But you now have to find the you of today. You can’t go back but can you identify the things you loved about the garden in your parents house and maybe do something similar with your own garden. Are there things you have wanted to do but hadn’t time, now you have time so maybe time to take up something new? I have a few things from my parents house which are in everyday use. It is quietly satisfying to feel a connection.

fluffydoglove · 17/05/2026 20:20

I totally feel you op I’m exactly the same it’s scary how quick time flies and that longing to be in that life we lived that doesn’t exist anymore

ToffeeCrabApple · 17/05/2026 20:20

It sounds like you are nostalgic for the feeling of someone else "being the adult", reassuring you etc.

Are you having a particularly stressed/unhappy time at the moment? The only time ive ever felt like that as an adult was when my own baby daughter was seriously ill in hospital, I sort of felt like I'd failed her & thus failed at being an adult, and wanted my mum to come & "fix it". With hindsight it was a sign I was cracking a bit mentally with the worry and was symptomatic of my feeling out of control.

getupdostuffgotobed · 17/05/2026 20:21

I can see where you are coming from.

My Mum has dementia and is a care home. By complete coincidence it's at the top of the road where we lived as children.

On a good day I'll take her out in a wheelchair and have been through the park down to our old house. She can't remember it at all but I can.

I'd love to go in it again. I've not been there for 44 years when my parents moved away.

JayJayEl · 17/05/2026 20:22

Leavelingeringbreath · 17/05/2026 20:15

We do have a word for this in English too...

... Nostalgia

This is literally what nostalgia is

Not quite! Hiraeth doesn't quite translate properly, but I would say that 'nostalgia' is the closest English word.

Gwenhwyfar · 17/05/2026 20:22

Zov · 17/05/2026 20:12

Heer-aythe I think. Hopefully some lovely Welsh person will be along soon to confirm if I'm right or not! (Apologies if I'm not!) 😬

.

Edited

I don't believe Welsh words can be written in English, but you're pretty close.
I would explain like this:

h as in hotel
i as in sin (so a short i, not an 'ee' sound)
r like a Spanish rolled r
ae - is a dipthong difficult to explain in English, maybe close to the word eye
th as in thistle and not 'the'

[hɪraɨ̯θ, hiːrai̯θ])

Listen here: Discover the Meaning of Hiraeth | Welsh Word of the Day | TikTok