I really want to go home. I really really want to go home.

[JacknDiane]

But my home isn't there. The council have got someone else there. My parents lived there 50 odd years, then mum moved to sheltered housing. But the family home with the nice garden is what I miss. And mum pottering in the garden. Dad is dead so long I struggle to remember what he did. But mum comes back easier, shes dead nearly 15 years. I was a late baby, my siblings are so distant from me, I was always really an only child.
My kids now are grown and moved away. Not near me at all now. Im happy for them,they are leading a young 20 somethings life. As it should be. They were here today for 2 days but both gone back now. I haven't got any family apart from them and dh. Dh is good but he doesn't understand how I feel. His siblings are in this city, although he doesn't see them much, they are still here.
When my dcs leave I dont know when I'll see them again, they both have lots going on. Im glad for them. But I feel so bereft when they go. Ive had a lump in my throat all day. I mostly stayed home when they were small or worked around them. That's unpopular on here but it was what we all wanted. Ive got friends, a job, I keep busy. Im not sat here waiting for someone to knock on my door, I plan things and keep occupied.

But when the dcs have been here then they go, I just want to go home, to the house I grew up, with my mum and dad there. Them just pottering, watching telly, going a walk. Nothing exciting, just the foundation of my childhood and young adulthood. I just want mum to say its ok, you'll miss them but you'll see them soon. Just reassure me all is well. I know it is, but I haven't been reassured by my parents in at least 20 years. I looked after mum after dad died. I became her mum. Its just what happened.

I just want to go home and sit with them. And drink tea. Then come back here and get on with my life.

But I can't and its overwhelming sometimes.

It got me too, people say men are not supposed to show emotion but I just give my teenage DS a big hug when I read this.

A PP said about eating food you had during childhood I did just that the other day, we often didn't have much growing up but we had the occasional jumbo sausage and chips from the chippy every few months, I, went to the chippy opposite the cemetery where my mum and dad are buried, and spend almost 2 hours talking about happy memories during my childhood.

I can relate OP. It's so hard. That Portuguese word seems to hit the nail straight on the head!

Your post resonated with me so much OP.

I lost my Mum suddenly a few years ago, then my Dad last year. Both now gone and my family childhood home sold, another family now residing there and making memories.

I long to go home so much sometimes. I wish I could turn the clock back and go home, with my children young, as they were then, and stay with my parents for the week.

I wish I could pull up outside the house to see my Mother flinging the door open and seeing that huge smile on her face. To be greeted by her bear hugs and the usual questions of 'How was the journey?' and 'Do you want a cuppa?'

I wish I could hear my Dad's silly jokes, and see him pottering around in the garden. I wish I could watch my parents interreacting with their grandchildren with huge smiles on their faces.

I wish I could taste my Mum's cooking, and hear her laughing. I wish I could go into town with her to shop, people watch and have lunch.

I would give anything to go back and have those times again. Sometimes I can close my eyes and I am back there, with her. My beautiful Mother.

I miss those times so much sometimes that it physically hurts.

So I am with you. I hear you. I feel this too sometimes.

Life is different now. My parents are gone, my children have flown the nest and lead their own busy wonderful lives and I am grateful for that.

But I think its normal to feel nostalgic. To look back and remember when times felt more simple and when things seemed easier.

I have to remind myself that life is the here and now. Its what we do from this day on and the new memories we make. I think about all the wonderful things that I could still have to come, and to experience, and it excites me. My children possibly marrying? Travel? Grandchildren? New experiences? Any of those things may well come my way and I look forward to my future.

By all means reminisce, but just don't try to stay there too long. xx

Something in my eye now.

Was battered sausage and chips for me, after we'd been swimming.

Im sorry if this has upset some of you, i know I can't be alone in my feelings. Its definitely been something I've experienced since my kids left home. Ive lived in this house nearly 30 years but I want to go home. Where I grew up isn't far, but there's nothing there now. No one there either. I have a friend there i haven't seen for years, but she still has her mum and lots of extended family in the same place. Somehow that makes me feel worse, although im happy for her.
Its a strange time a Sunday evening, isn't it. I can recall being at home so vividly..even though I left home 41 years ago. The feelings are still there.

I hear you OP ❤️
I too am “homesick for another time” (what fantastic description by the way. My life is completely fine but kids are growing up, live a long long way away and getting on with their lives. Increasing, as I age, I long for the simple uncomplicated times of my childhood. I too miss my physical childhood home/village. I occasionally do go back to the village and that is quite soothing
I am grateful, though, that I had a happy childhood to reminisce about - so many people I know had rotten childhoods and sad/painful memories. I try to take comfort in that.

I had bereavement counselling. It didn't help. It is what it is.

Same OP. Homesick for my dad and all my aunts and uncles. I’m homesick for the sound of their voices and watching them laugh.

OP at the risk of minimising your problems the only thing that works for me is to walk it off. Or to dance it out.
I can’t go back. They’ve all gone. So I need to change the subject and push the thoughts out.

Thank you for all the replies . I'd like to give us all a hug. Your stories are comforting. Thank you.

Made me cry too. Bereaved 16 months. So miss DH and my old life.

Life is quite simply a series of losses ........ sadly that's the way it is.

I try and look at the things I miss in a positive light - at least I had them to look back on ... and I try and look back with joy. The years of romance with my now dead OH, the baby years, the school years, conducting choirs and sharing music - all the fun we had. These are my foundation.

The last thing I would want to do is go back to my childhood home and re-experience the rows and silences between my parents. Well rid of that!

I am so glad that you have happy memories of your childhood home - hang on tho those and just enjoy ...

We have to treasure our memories but go on making more.

Oh OP I'm so glad that so many others have replied and understood. Sending hugs. I feel like this lately. Be gentle with yourself. These replies are lovely 😊 I hope reading them is helping.

This. You have a DH in a successful marriage from the sounds of it, adult DC who come to see you. In the nicest way you need to stop infantilising yourself and hankering after the past and in the process wasting the present.

Me too - I miss my dear parents more and more with each passing year. I often wish I was living in that lovely house and garden with them - chatting about work, eating my mother's delicious food, laughing with my father. I miss it all so very much.

OP, I know exactly how you feel - we are lucky to have such lovely memories though.

I had this just today, on hearing a little fact about Douglas Jardine of all people (IYKYN!) and wanting to tell my dad, who would have been interested.

Sometimes I close my eyes and imagine the slam of the back door as we went to my grandparents’ house on a Sunday afternoon. They would be back from church, Songs of Praise on the telly, my grandmother in the kitchen cooking. My grandfather would get yp to give me a hug against his homemade v-neck jumper (shirt and tie underneath) and my grandmother’s tights would swish as she came out of the kitchen in her apron, “Hello dear.”

I’m making myself cry. We are so lucky to have known that love, OP.

I hope this doesn’t sound trite, but how lucky you are to have had such a wonderful childhood, and loving parents, who loved you and who you loved in return. No matter how sad you are for the past being in the past, no one can ever take those memories away from you ❤️

I feel this way sometimes. I want to get back from school to my mum, with her making me a cup of tea and a toasted tea cake. It makes me cry sometimes, how much I want that. Especially when I’m particularly ground down with life.

Aww I’m sorry. I know what you mean. When my mum became over 90 she became very sad and kept saying she wanted to go home, all she spoke about were her parents and siblings.When I asked her what she ment she couldn’t really explain the feeling but I’ve thought about it a lot since she passed and I now get it.
I hope you feel better tomorrow

I love your words OP but i am envious of them too.

My childhood wasn't innocent, free of worry or calmly safe. Taking myself back there is a very anxiety inducing. I say this not to make you feel guilty or anything malicious but because you are lucky to have that solid foundation to build your life on. I hope there is comfort in the calm walks, tea, chats that you have.

All the best OP.

I’ve felt like this occasionally. Interestingly it’s stronger when I think of my Grandparents’ house. It was the only one they lived in, whereas my parents moved house when I was 10 and 20. I lived with my Gran for a year when I first worked. I can see every room very clearly.

Me too. I feel you.

Resonates so much. No advice to offer. But I totally understand.

I feel for you OP. And it’s lovely you have those memories. It’s hard to get older and lose people and places and times.
But I am a very optimistic person and can quickly frame it to creating those times now for my DC as that’s my role now. I am the one making home feel like home. Bringing the family together and helping them feel loved and secure.
Yours are at the age where you don’t want them to need you. And it’s great that they don’t. Time to start a new life where you enjoy what you want to do and think about the past fondly instead of wistfully.

We moved house a few times when I was growing up.
However a particular village was my favourite place to live.
Sometimes I go onto street map and walk virtually around the village, have a look at the school, our house, my friends house and the playground where we played on summer days. It makes me homesick though.