AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

[Bluedeep]

Am I justified or overreacting?
My DS is 4 and starting school in September. My ex is married with a 1 year old DS and has our son Thursday morning until Sunday morning every week. My DS SM is due to end her maternity in a few weeks.

I have just picked him up and he was telling me they went to Drayton Manor for the weekend to meet Thomas and stayed in a Thomas themed room at the hotel. I asked my ex about it and he said they did and had a great time. They left on Thursday morning and stayed in the hotel Thursday and Friday night as a little treat for DS and his sister before his wife goes back to work.
Drayton Manor is about 3 and a half hours drive from where we live.

I was so angry at my ex, telling him he should not be taking my DS away overnight without asking permission first. My ex did not agree and has said as his dad he is free to make plans on his days.

I just don’t agree and think he should be asking me before doing anything like driving so far away. I had a similar reaction a year ago when I found out he had driven to Cadbury World for the day and didn’t tell me.

Am I in the right or am I overreacting?

OP you need to watch yourself - yes you are being completely ridiculous unless ex has a history of being drunk, irresponsible , dangerous driver etc

Handled badly.

This must be a reverse.

If not - obviously your ex doesn’t have to run an itinerary past you for his weekends and he’s entitled to do what he wants with your son. Unless there was some sort of safeguarding concern like he had a room on his own or was left in the hotel by himself then you need to get a grip. Your son had a fab weekend with his dad and that’s all that matters. Jealousy playing part here I think!

Yabvu

It’s very weird that you’re reacting so violently to your son being taken to Drayton Manor but you’re actually willing to only see your son before and after school for four days a week and Sunday afternoons… no wonder you’re not taking your son anywhere because you don’t even see him at all during the day!

I'm always astounded by how harsh (some of) the women on MN are when they respond. I totally get why you'd feel how you're feeling. I think I would prefer to be told if my child is going away overnight. It's not about 'permission' as people on here keep harping on about, it's just nice to know, and I presume you would do the same the other way round when you take him away.

There's no such thing as a "main parent". You are both parents. And at 4 your son is not too young for trips away. That is ridiculous.

Too young for overnight trips but can sleep elsewhere 3 nights a week ??
why don’t you go to work?
Have you realised YABU after all the replies ?

He doesn't need to tell you, you can't say no to where he takes him on his time - unless it's a safeguarding issue
On the other hand, I always asked my ex to tell me where our son was - as I did in return - mainly due to my own anxieties and needing to know which area and hospitals to contact if I don't hear from them for a significant amount of time or they don't return home when expected, it was respected and understood I that it wasnt for control, it was to ease my worries and know a starting point on where they may be (or the route taken) so I can begin a search in an emergency.

You get every weekend relaxing with your partner, don’t work and get child maintenance!

But you’re not happy, that the child’s father has taken him for a fabulous trip away, that’s completely child centric!

You must be on a wind up?

However, as the main parent
We could discus the meaning of 'Main' parent for the rest of the day. But will that help you to be less possessive and less controlling.
Are there any specific health probs with your DC?

Are you being serious? It's a night away with his parent. Are you saying you've never taken him on holiday as he's too young?

He won't be able to stay with her, weekends are for relaxing with her partner. Would expect none of the family to go I'd imagine!

OP why don't you work even part time if you only have your son half of the week?

People are being harsh, as you put it, because OP claims she is the “main”
parent, when she very clearly isn’t, as if that gives her special priveliges over her ex.

Do you drive?

Just wondering if your reluctance to this is because you don’t drive and it would be harder for you to get there in an emergency? IE Cadbury world?

Or because you don’t drive and don’t do over nights because of this as it’s harder to travel there and back so are feeling some sort of jealousy?

In 99.9% sure this is a reverse 🙄

I think the responses are totally justified, not harsh at all!

Doesn't work
Gets every weekend relaxing with her partner
Decent DF for her child
More or less 50/50 child care
Maintenance

And she also does expect permission, as she said very clearly in her first post!

I was so angry at my ex, telling him he should not be taking my DS away overnight without asking permission

And I’m a woman and that has no bearing in anyway to my thinking that I need to agree with OP, She is totally unreasonable!

Not all woman need to agree with other ones, some of us can see right from wrong.

Annnnnnddddd that's why he won't tell you even as a courtesy because, frankly, that's bonkers. You're not the 'main' parent; you're one of 2 and he has his child as much as you've allowed him I suspect. And he's not 'too young for overnight trips' with his own parent ffs.

Tell you they would be away sure, just in case of emergency. Ask your permission, no. He can take his child away for the weekend on his time, it's not like he left the country

She literally said she’s angry because he didn’t ask permission.

You do realise he is no longer a toddler right? Routine can flex at this age 🙄

You are being completely unreasonable and I imagine your XH will continue to ignore you.

They only went away for 2 nights, not even the whole weekend, thius must either be a reverse or a wind up. Few parents would even think this level of control is healthy.

Yabu. Your ex is the child's dad and has equal parenting staus as you. Your child is not your possession. If your ex isn't suitable to hold parental responsibility then that will need to be an application to a court for a ruling on that. Without that, he is as capable as you of deciding what to do on he days he has DC - presumably you don't ask his permission for anything you do with DC on your days? But you do each need permission from each other to take DC out of the country.

If this seems unacceptable, appoint a solicitor to move to remove parental responsibility from him

I’d say if anyone was the main parent then it’s dad. His time is spent either working to provide for him and pay cms or with him giving him great experiences. He has zero down time or days off where as you seen to have ample.