AIBU to expect my ex to tell me about overnight trips?

[Bluedeep]

Am I justified or overreacting?
My DS is 4 and starting school in September. My ex is married with a 1 year old DS and has our son Thursday morning until Sunday morning every week. My DS SM is due to end her maternity in a few weeks.

I have just picked him up and he was telling me they went to Drayton Manor for the weekend to meet Thomas and stayed in a Thomas themed room at the hotel. I asked my ex about it and he said they did and had a great time. They left on Thursday morning and stayed in the hotel Thursday and Friday night as a little treat for DS and his sister before his wife goes back to work.
Drayton Manor is about 3 and a half hours drive from where we live.

I was so angry at my ex, telling him he should not be taking my DS away overnight without asking permission first. My ex did not agree and has said as his dad he is free to make plans on his days.

I just don’t agree and think he should be asking me before doing anything like driving so far away. I had a similar reaction a year ago when I found out he had driven to Cadbury World for the day and didn’t tell me.

Am I in the right or am I overreacting?

Relax from what? You don’t work? Most of us single parents work and care for our kids.

Maybe get a job and stay out of your ex’s parenting when he isn’t doing anything wrong.

You aren’t the main parent, you are parenting 50/50 if he has him from Thursday-Sunday. And 4 isn’t too young at all for an overnight trip. My DD had done plenty of holidays and trips by the time she was 4. It is cheaper to be able to go away in term time before they start school for a start.

You just sound jealous.

He sounds like a great dad. You are not the main parent.

There’s no way this is genuine. Stop feeding it.

You are being absolutely ridiculous. He can do what he wants on his own time. He does not need anyone’s permission, least of all yours, to take his own son away in the uk! And I don’t give a shit that you wont agree, it’s the truth though. You need to get a grip!

I really hope this is a wind up.

If it’s real OP, can I suggest you get a job and allow your son fun times with his dad. When he gets older he is likely going to want to be with dad more if you don’t provide him stimulation.

what do you do with him in your time?

Is the new step mother the other woman? You scream jealous to me.

Could the days change once he’s at school so you get some weekend time too? I would hate to never spend weekends with my son.

So his Dad actually sees him more than you do if DS is at school the 3 days you actually have him.

You sound off your rocker, OP. Could you be peri?

I would also like to add that he sounds like the main parent. He has every weekend. He’s in school during the week which means you only see him before and after. His dad has him a lot more hours than you do.
Enjoy relaxing with your partner, whilst you don’t work!

My kids been on holidays and weekends away from being 3 months old. He’s definitely old enough for a little holiday or weekend away. I mean this in the nicest way possible but is it more the issue you may struggle to afford something like this. Sometimes it’s hard to see the other parent do nice things.

What a ridiculous thing to say. They are never too young for overnight trips. The younger you take them the better because it gets them used to staying away from home. Life’s too short short to ponder stuff like this. Your son would have got more out of the trip than their one year old. Drayton Manor is a great theme park for children of your son’s age. Thomas land is fab you sound a bit jealous he had a fun weekend with them. Do you never do anything fun with him?

This does not excuse your unreasonable, controlling behaviour.

So… if your ex had told you about the trip, you wouldn’t have ‘allowed’ it anyway?

Sorry, you’re being unreasonable. Your ex has him practically half of the week. You don’t get to dictate what he does with that time.

Yes, it would have been good for him to tell you… but I can see why he hasn’t @Bluedeep

Your being completely unreasonable
causing unnecessary friction
your following the quickest path to damage co parenting

change your attitude your son has 2 parents not one your completely wrong to thing it’s all down to you and you have your grant permission

to be blunt if I were him i’d tell you as little as possible and think I’d persue 50/50

Og for goodness sake.
Get a bloody grip.

How are you the main parent if he’s with his dad Thursday to Sunday. And he doesn’t need permission to do as he wants when your DS is with him. Just because you haven’t done any nights away doesn’t mean he can’t

He sounds like a great dad as that day out was for your DS benefit not the new baby.

I think over time you will regret this arrangements of having no weekends with your son. Your son when he’s older will have the amazing memories of trips away at weekends with your ex, and you’ll lose that as you’ll just have before/after school, which will be getting ready for school, eating and doing homework. Could you reconsider this custody arrangement so that you don’t risk having a lesser bond with your son than your ex?

Yeah, I actually think this is a wind up. While I know shit like this goes on, I don't think anyone's dumb enough to ask advice about it. 😆

You sound very controlling and overbearing. I'm glad that your DS has a parent who actually does nice things with him.

You will get loads of the dads are great brigade on here. But I would be absolutely fuming if this happened. Of course it is your business and you need to know if he is round the corner or four hours away! What if something had happened.

And so what if it had?? He’s the parent too! What if something happens if the op took him away?? Would that be ok because she’s the mum? Don’t be so stupid

I wonder if the op reports where she is off gallivanting with her partner every weekend? Because he needs to know if she isn’t just around the corner by that logic!

After your last post about relaxing with your partner and not working, I expect this is a joke post.

but on the outside chance it’s not…

I would seriously advise you get a job. Not for the money at all. But because you clearly have so much time on your hands at the moment with nothing to do except think and worry, that you do that, and your current attitude is potentially very very damaging to your child.

to not go for an overnight with a 4 year old is denying them of wonderful experiences and memories. If you have the money, I would go as far to say it’s extremely neglectful parenting as you are not building any resilience, ability to learn how to deal in different situations.

we are currently living in a society where a growing number of our young people are unable to function. On your parenting, your son would be heading that way, so thank goodness he has his father.

Quite frankly you shouldn't be getting any maintenance payments - you have, more or less, a shared care arrangement and as such you should not be entitled to maintenance.

She doesn’t even have the legal right to know the dad’s home address, you realise that?

He is with his dad. She doesn’t need to be told or give permission for anything, unless leaving the country.

I’m also split from my kid’s dad, so we co-parent and they go to his and do things with him. I don’t need to be told about it or give my permission. But I’m not a nut job, so he does mostly let me know. He wouldn’t if I was going to behave the way OP does.