I’ve been discussing with friends what people think is a reasonable timeframe for support from a former partner after such a long relationship, especially when the breakup involved so much dishonesty and ambiguity.
Me (45) and my ex-boyfriend (45) were together for 15 years. He travelled a lot for work, and by then things were already not great between us. (no kids)
During Covid he went to Spain and kept saying he couldn’t come back yet, but was “coming next week.” He did visit a few times.
At one point I had to move flats. He said he was happy to help and, again, was “coming next week.” I even suggested maybe I should look for a flatshare or studio instead, because I wasn’t sure I could afford our place alone.
After the move, 8 months after we signed the new lease, he finally arrived. As a joke, I asked:
“Did you get married?”
“No.”
“Do you have a child?”
“Yes.”
The child was already two years old, meaning he had hidden the pregnancy and birth from me for around three years. He had visited me several times during that period, even shortly before the baby was born, and never said anything.
Hence I dont feel guilty for taking any money.
He claimed he wasn’t really in a relationship, and ask if maybe I could eventually move to Spain.
Meanwhile, we continued financially as if we were still a couple. He earned more than five times my salary and paid his share of the rent, plus a little extra at first. My salary alone would barely cover the rent, let alone the bills. I’ve tried to find better-paid work, unsuccessfully so far.
Should I ask for more time, some sort of support (I suggested reduction, I am not a leach)? AIBNU
Or We not longer live in the '50s? AIBU
If we were married would that affect judgment on this?