I’m destroying my perfect life

[Worriedmummy1244]

I’ve got the most amazing life, we’ve had our difficulties but overall I’m extremely lucky and I have an amazing husband and 2 beautiful kids 2 and 6.

Every month 4-5 days before my period I get so so angry, I feel horrific, tired, angry, irritable and very depressed

i really struggle with the kids, I don’t tolerate my husband at all. Yesterday I was trying to do some chores and the kids were arguing, my husband was in the garden and I flew into a rage with him. I can shout and cry and it’s like something overtakes my body and I can’t fix it. I am not this person at any other time. I never shout.

I don’t know what to do, it feels like it’s getting worse and my husband is getting really frustrated as it feels like he has to put up with a lot every month. I don’t know how to fix it, sometimes in these days I feel they’d be better off without me.

I feel like a huge failure, how can I stop doing this?

Yep been on sertraline for it for years never looked back, was awful before that

Sorry You’re going through this. I was the same at the stage. I did speak to GP who gave me anti anxiety meds. They didn’t really help.

A year or so in my periods changed really suddenly (frequency, etc.) then stopped. Spoke to GP who did some bloods. I was on HRT the following week as my FSH levels were 150. I was 36. I’d obviously been going through that super early. This was before HRT was fashionable and menopause wasn’t spoken about - certainly not in your 30s.

Might not seem like it OP but im sure this thread has shown you that PMDD is treatable and can be overcome.

the key thing is to get a good GP who takes you seriously (easier said than done!) so I’d start making a list of symptoms in writing. Just a note book with the date, the day of your cycle (day 1 is first day of your period) and how you feel on that day.

Ive recently found AI very useful in ordering my thoughts on what to say to NHS doctor so I’m listened to the first time not on the third visit. They want to know what you’ve done to help, yourself, an accurate record of symptoms and how long for. You could go I. With a diary of what’s been happening so they don’t send you away to do one.
A 2 week urgent referral for me last October took 3 doctors visits, 4 more months to see consultant then 6 weeks for treatment and a month for feedback.
Wishing you well with getting the right treatment.

I agree take a diary with you with a written record of the date, the day of your cycle (first day of period is day 1) your symptoms and how it’s affected your daily life.

Also take your husband with you and get him to back you up everything you say.

Eg you say “the last week of my cycle I’m consumed with rage and cannot function” then he immediately says “yes, this is true, before her period is unbearable for her mental health and x cannot do normal jobs and care for the kids”.

You also might need to try a few different things, so don’t give up hope.

An immediate step is to calculate when you’re next going to feel like this and communicate with your husband. Clear your diary and make sure you’re prepared eg you have done a big shop and have some frozen meals in. Don’t attempt to do anything at all during this period of time except the absolute basics of life. Recruit your husband to do as many jobs as he possibly can during that time period, so you can rest and sleep.

Id also get some phenergen which is over the counter drowsy anti histamine. Take it early and you’ll be asleep early. Sleep as much as humanly possible. Drink as much water as you can and eat throughout the day. No doing anything daft like tough exercise or dieting.

What can you do? You're female. Happens to me too.

Almost certainly PMDD. I'm nearly 60 and well into menopause so don't have these symptoms that blighted my life for decades and were so poorly understood.

My DD has unfortunately followed in my footsteps. However, it's so much better understood now. Due to her hormonal profile, she can't take the pill. Instead, she's prescribed 'rescue meds' by the GP to take as and when. She's also very careful with her diet, doesn't eat much processed food, lots of protein, measured with the carbs. She also sees a herbalist and that's been super stabilising. I think the biggest change she made early on was giving up all caffeine because that amplified all her symptoms.

It's distressing though. I remember feeling as if I had split personality disorder and something was really wrong with me. Obviously, when I spotted the same issue with my DD I could offer reassurance and think about getting her help.

My mum was like this but she wouldn't get help, she just got worse.
She was horrible to us all walking on eggshells constantly.
My step dad left as he couldn't put up with her and her outbursts, and we soon left home as soon as we could.

Op you need to tell your husband about it and you are going to get help.

I can't believe this post as I am going through the exactly same. It has taken me a very very long time to associate the dark periods with my menstrual cycle. I recently saw the GP who gave me this-

https://www.rcog.org.uk/for-the-public/browse-our-patient-information/managing-premenstrual-syndrome-pms/

About 4 days ago I started taking an anti depressant which I will only take during my luteal phase, I.e. from day 14 to period I think. I have no idea if this will help, but I've started feeling really scared of the days before my period. I, like you, become furious with my husband and intolerant of kids. Very sensitive. Very low and anxious. Im so hopwful this medication works. Like you, im fine the rest of the time. I believe the condition gets worse as you get older so maybe thats what's happened, but I think I've always had this to a degree. Im.sure my mum had it too.

I think its amazing you've recognised it and hope you get some help and feel better soon. Xx

Also, show your DH this thread. Not to excuse any of your behaviours. Instead, to demonstrate that you need medical help and his support to address this.

I was like this but sad instead of angry. I was genuinely suicidal for a week a month, and put myself in some alarming situations and took a few minor overdoses in the years before I worked out what was going on.

Mirina coil solved everything.

When it was licenced for 5 years at a time, it was great, 100% solved my issue. Now the licence is longer it's trickier, as I find my suicidal ideation and intentions does come back after around 6 years in (presumably the hormones are gently waining by then...), but not as bad as before. I can remind myself through it that it happens every month and will pass soon if I just don't kill myself, which used to be impossible. One nice GP let me swap it early due to the positive effects above only contraception for me...

Honestly, go to the GP asap. It could be life changing.

Oh for heaven’s sake. This isn’t about ‘being female’- this is an actual medical condition. Go do some learning.

What age are you? I am 43 and have started to get this. I've alway had pms but not like this. I literally hit rock bottom and then go back to being fine when my period starts. It's pmdd maybe due to peri. Antidepressants or the pill are or both are the answer.

I saw a great piece on our local news about ladies who’d started their own PMDD charity to support each other. Might be worth a look?
https://thepmddproject.org/

I used Cerazette for years. No periods and settled my hormonal facial spots and moods.

I used to be like this - though not always pmt time, it was worst then - and the anti-depressant sertaline has been transformative. I hope to never stop taking it. The peace it has granted me is wonderful.

The contraceptive implant rid me of my PMT (and my periods). It’s in for 5 years but you can have it removed early.

I have PMS and tbf I’ve been with DH since I was 17 so he knows the ropes. Those saying “being female is no excuse” I’m sorry but you don’t know what you’re talking about. It’s not a mood swing, it’s not being a bitch because you’re in pain, it’s a hormonal condition. You absolutely need to see your GP, but some GPs just don’t get it, so if yours is shit then go private.

General things that helped me: cutting down on sugar, lots of natural food, iron supplements, B vitamins, extra sleep if possible - the before my period DH gets up with the kids and goes into work an hour later. We are very lucky he can actually do this but it genuinely is what makes the most difference for me. The extra hour in the morning works better than going to bed earlier. No idea why. Also journaling. I thought it was bullshit but genuinely it is actually really helpful.

I haven’t RTFT because as soon as I started reading your post OP, it was like reading about myself 4-5 years ago when my son was a toddler and I felt like I was destroying everything 2 weeks out of 4. I’d always suffered with PMDD but had no idea what it was, and always just been told it was PMS, normal, and to ‘cope’, but I got a diagnosis (of sorts, more of a working one due to lack of definitive diagnostic tests for PMDD and waits to see gynaecology!) 3 years ago and finally got some effective intervention, 20 years after it all started 😂
I’m also neurodivergent (AuDHD), and the PMDD has a huge negative impact on those symptoms too.
I now take the contraceptive pill (Eloine) continuously with only one break a year to help stabilise my hormones, alongside my ADHD medication, and it’s loads better. It’s prescribed like this for endometriosis apparently, so even though not ‘usual’, definitely possible!
Annoyingly perimenopause is now joining the party which will mean a change of treatment, likely HRT, but it’ll be a lot easier to manage now I know what it is I’m dealing with.

Don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself with your GP. You know yourself, and you deserve not to live in fear of your own emotions / hormones!! Good luck x

See the GP

Angus castus aka chasteberry. It's really good for exactly what you describe and will help. I know how awful it is when you feel like that and this does help and without side effects.

I went to see the GP about this as it came on age 38 after 2 kids. PMDD for me. I have SSRIs which I only take in the 5 days before my period. Tried the implant first but that made me worse.

I have had PMDD for many years, till natural aging substantively mitigated it. At one point I had a diagnosing of bipolar disorder, which felt like absolute madness when the darkness ended the moment I started to bleed. It is, apparently, a common misdiagnosis for women.

Unbelievable, but don't let yourself be fobbed off. You have a hormone condition and it is treatable.

PMDD for sure. Go and see your GP, but what can help is lots of exercise as it clears the excess oestrogen, extra sleep, clearing your calendar and it sounds weird but being more of a bitch the rest of the month - so you don't explode when you are feeling less tolerant. By which I mean, looking after yourself, speaking up.

I used to take Agnus cactus for similar symptoms and I think it made a huge difference.
As with any herbal treatments you should still check with doctors it’s safe for you to take and doesn’t interfere with any other medication. Also you cannot take whilst pregnant or breast feeding.