I’m destroying my perfect life

[Worriedmummy1244]

I’ve got the most amazing life, we’ve had our difficulties but overall I’m extremely lucky and I have an amazing husband and 2 beautiful kids 2 and 6.

Every month 4-5 days before my period I get so so angry, I feel horrific, tired, angry, irritable and very depressed

i really struggle with the kids, I don’t tolerate my husband at all. Yesterday I was trying to do some chores and the kids were arguing, my husband was in the garden and I flew into a rage with him. I can shout and cry and it’s like something overtakes my body and I can’t fix it. I am not this person at any other time. I never shout.

I don’t know what to do, it feels like it’s getting worse and my husband is getting really frustrated as it feels like he has to put up with a lot every month. I don’t know how to fix it, sometimes in these days I feel they’d be better off without me.

I feel like a huge failure, how can I stop doing this?

Have you told your husband what you’ve said here?

I have PMDD I posted the other day about how I have to go away to my mums or a hotel for 5-7 days every month. I literally have to be alone it’s horrendous

Have to agree to disagree 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP indicates she doesnt want to be like this and is worried shes destroying her life...

My post didnt call her a witch or condemn her for having feelings. I gave her 2 practical suggestions (GP and removing yourself from the situation) which based on my own mental healtg experiences I found helpful ( I was diagnosed with pstd following a traumatic 2nd birth)

My 2 yo and husband witnessing my outbursts created a lot of additonal negative emotions for me (similar to op actually) so I would generally aim to take myself off

Someone telling me I was fine as I was and emotions are normal wouldnt have been particularly helpful.

I take progesterone for it (mini pill) and at various times I have taken sertraline for anxiety too - I take it high dose all month when I need it, but you can also take it just around your period if that’s all you need.

This is really tough and hard to recognise, it took me years to realise what was going on. Hopefully with a bit of support and knowledge you’ll feel much better xx

Please don’t feel like a failure OP, this unfortunately comes with being a woman! Firstly, be honest with your husband about it, he will understand. I often have this, albeit not as bad but my husband often says he knows the exact point of the month when I’m going to divorce him!! I just have rage and it’s like walking on egg shells around me. Trust me when I say you have options, please go to the GP, especially if you don’t want anymore children you can take contraceptives which will help xx

Its PMDD, there are meds you can take. Its gonna be ok. I used to have it. Drinking alcohol made it 1000 times worse btw

Hi OP, I completely and utterly know what you’re feeling. I’ve had this for years - and the rage and despair are so so destructive aren’t they. It definitely brought my relationship to the brink. As others have said, it sounds like PMDD and your GP can help. I found that taking Ashwaghanda 600mg daily really helped me - take it for 6 weeks on, 3 weeks off (as you have to cycle it with your body as it builds up a tolerance to it). There is light at the end of the tunnel because this is about getting your hormones settled and that is definitely possible (don’t want to suggest too much more because it’s different for each person!). Please don’t hesitate to get help for this, you deserve to not just keep suffering with it.

I’m not sure what exactly causes it but it’s something to do with how some people’s body reacts to progesterone and the up and down of it in the week leading up to your period.

Omg this is exactly me! Following to read later

Go to the doctor, go to therapy etc.

Hi OP. Do you manage to control your behaviour when you're in work, when you're around your friends, etc?

Or is it something specific about your family that means you take it out on them?

Sounds like peri?

Listen to your body, our needs change dramatically from the follicular phase to the luteal phase. Most of the diet information comes from men who have consistent hormones and aim for consistency. We are cyclical and our diet, fasting and exercise needs are cyclical too.

There are lots of small things you can do to help balance your hormones and lessen symptoms. I'd really recommend 'the fifth vital sign' by Lisa Hendrickson, it goes in depth on everything related to menstrual cycles and the common issues such as pmdd, endometriosis, pcos etc.

I had this for years. I was suicidal every month.
I completely changed my diet. The thing that made the most difference was giving up gluten. I started taking a daily probiotic. I also stopped eating highly processed foods, limit sugar and do not drink alcohol. Extreme but effective.

My mum had that too, it was horrendous. She did a no sugar anti-inflammatory diet in the end and it made a massive difference, you have to be very strict with it but it really helps so worth a try. Supplements like agnus castus, b vits can help support.

PMDD definitely. Get to your GP ASAP and talk to your husband. You need support and kindness.

It is pmdd if you can afford it go and see a specialist privately I have just started and it is making a difference

This sounds like a good idea. However, please don't assume that medication alone can 'fix' this. It might! But there are a few other questions coming to mind for me:

• do you feel you get enough practical support from your DH with the kids? (I mention this because whilst you say your life is otherwise 'perfect', I have noticed a few women who seem to put up with an inordinate amount of rubbish from their husbands 95 percent of the time and only speak it like it is when they are on their period, at which time they get branded crazy / hormonal etc).
• do these emotions come out of nowhere / go from 0 to 100 just like that, or are there 'early warning signs?' If the latter, can you develop a strategy with your husband to reduce the chances of escalation, eg a way for him to give you a break? If he's not around, is there a type of activity with the kids that helps you to feel a bit more soothed, or a way to keep them safely entertained for long enough for you to do something you need to do to care for yourself in that moment?
• have you looked at any self-soothing strategies? There are some techniques around using the senses to change up our physical state and around 'surfing urges' that I've found incredibly helpful, although obviously everyone is different and has to find what works for them!
• do you behave in this way when other people are around or only when alone with your kids / DH? Your answer to that might provide you with some useful information to understand what is happening for you here and what might help. (I'm not trying to make this about the whole 'if you can control it with others you can control it with them' thing, as we all know that the people closest to us can inadvertently get to us like no one else can. It just might be useful to know).

I had this. I didn’t realise it was a thing or had a name, but I can remember the rage and despair, and then when my period started I was sweetness and light again. I thought it was linked to the premenstual lack of sleep and chocolate cravings, and was ‘normal’. Going on the hormonal coil for contraception stopped my periods and the emotional rollercoaster that went with them. I hope you get it sorted, OP. It’s a horrible place to be.

And don't let a GP fob you off !
I had this, & it wasn't until I returned & saw a female GP that it was cured.

I used to have a brief era like this in my 30s. It was so horrific and I’m glad I fixed it.

It’s very likely hormonal. You just need to find the hormone mix that works for you. For me it was a coil although previously I had not got on with contraception well.

Also don’t underestimate the impact of an excellent diet - it has a bigger impact on mental health than we think. If you have any physical symptoms as well, such as heavy or irregular bleeding, swelling, weight gain, skin issues etc, that should help resolve it. It tends to be all connected.

Going to your GP is the start.

That sounds like the thing vicky Pattinson was diagnosed with, maybe speak to your GP and push about how its impacting your mental health and relationship

Hormones build real living babies, they are powerful, never underestimate what hormones can do!

I voted YABU, because you are blaming yourself for destroying your life when that is not true. You are not destroying anything. You are clearly setting very high expectations on your yourself.

A woman needs to slow down before and during her period. I have read that in muslim culture its common for MIL to take on the duties while mother is on period so that she can rest. You cant keep exhausting yourself. In my experience it really does help to slow down when your body needs it. Take care of yourself. We are not programmed to fungction at 150% all the time.

Definitely sounds likes PMDD.

I had other pre menstrual symptoms. I went on the mini pill. It’s got rid of my periods and the symptoms before it!