To hate parties and mingling and networking and schmoozing

[CurdinHenry]

I invariably come away feeling like people can always tell I'm a freak (no specific reasons for it, I make polite and interested small talk and express gentle enthusiasm for other people's stuff, my energy is just off, I think).

I am in my mid 40s and will always be bothered by this a bit but thank God I'm over the hump of being young and feeling the need to find my way.

I wonder what it's like to just go to events and not feel fear about it beforehand. It must be nice.

Could it be peri, OP? x

I hate it too, always have done. I hide it well I think.
As an example my husband has a friend, newish they’ve been friends a couple of years, the friend has recently got engaged, for some reason the friend and his fiancé now expect me to come on there meet ups… All day drinking,activities, restaurants and I just haven’t got it in me anymore to put myself into these situations. I hate small talk, meeting new people and having to spend the entire day pretending I don’t want to go home. I’ve told my husband I’m not doing it anymore.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣😐

Solidarity. It makes me feel so shit and inadequate and I honestly don't think I'm bad company yet repeated evidence suggests I must be. Ugh. The torturous part is I do enjoy the company of people.

I've always felt like this. You're not alone. I don't fight this now, I live my life how I want and find happiness not doing things I feel forced into!

The torturous part is I do enjoy the company of people.

Maybe just not the ones your husband hangs out with?

You are not joined at the hip OP. Just go out, make those opportunities to find your own tribe.

I hate it. I can't even hide it well unless I get drunk, but them I risk tipping into being too drunk and embarrassing myself. I can't do small talk, my mind just goes blank. I can't really smile, it just looks like I'm showing my teeth rather than an actual smile. I think I'd actually love a party if I didn't have the awkwardness around socialising.

Yep, me too. I think of myself as a sociable introvert. Like people, have lots of friends but don’t even think of asking me to spend a whole day or (horrors!) a weekend with people who are not my husband, kids or best pal.

I socialise with who I want too!
im done with feeling “I have too” socialise with people I don’t want too and avoid work do’s like the plague! I’m always “busy” 😂

I know what you mean but sometimes it's nice to support people for stuff that's not about my enjoyment per se. Yet everyone else seems to be fine with it :(

Well not the people on this thread - feeling warm pro people introvert solidarity rn

My new leadership role (which I’m enjoying) has all this type of extra crap attached to it. So this week I am on a strategy away day
followed by a technical advanced training the day the following day. They’re not even my working days, was told they were compulsory and had to beg for lieu time to make up for the days.

it’s a day of networking and schmoozing and sucking up to big wigs who I really don’t give a shit about. THEN a rooftop evening of sycophancy followed by the regional director organising for us to go clubbing.

I am so close to handing my
notice in.

I always thought I was the only one that felt like this but now I seem to meet lots of people who say the same!

Looks like all that "socialisation" that school supposedly gave us didn't have nearly the affect they seem to think it does! On the contrary, it had the opposite! Perhaps it was the years of forced socialisation when we were kids that caused this!

I'm fine with people I know and get along with, it's meeting and mixing with strangers that wrecks my head as it's bloody hard work! Like being a guest at a wedding, not part of the immediate family so stuck on a big table with a load of strangers, not much in common with any of them, and none of us care either, we all bullshit talk to keep the silences at bay, and we all forget about each other that night or next day. So tiring and what a waste of time.

I'm getting a lot older now, and avoid such situations as much as I can without becoming a recluse!

Hell is other people.

Clubbing???????

8 genuinely would have done. Absolutely not ok

I've never been a party animal at all. Always hated them and as a child I used to dread birthday parties.

I'm somewhat introverted though I wouldn't say I'm particularly shy. I just prefer my own company. When I worked I would avoid work events like the plague if I possibly could. I'd certainly have run a mile rather than be railroaded into going clubbing with directors. That would be my idea of hell on earth.

I really think we need to find a way to band together irl to rebel against these things

Perhaps a badge or bracelet

Same here. I'm actually quite an extrovert but hate parties or work events. Would never ever go away with anyone other than my husband and kids, I know id be desperate to get away after a few hours.
We have quite a few awards things at work and people are desperate to be nominated so they can go and schmooze with a load of strangers. Not that I'd ever expect a nomination, but I've made it clear if that were to ever happen, I'd not be going! Luckily my husband is very similar. We're both very antisocial and getting worse the older we get!

How often do you have to endure this exhausting ordeal OP?

I guess the need to make an excuse comes up a few times a month and an unavoidable thing maybe once a quarter

I am very lucky I know, some people have to do this sort of thing very regularly for work

I quite enjoy it, despite being an utter introvert. People can be interestingly mad.

I’d call a few times a month quite regular. You have my sympathy honestly.

I want to enjoy it but the micro rejections bother me so much

I’m like this. My personal life is sorted: my friends know me v well and will invite me to parties with “I know you don’t do parties and not expecting you to come but you are welcome if you do want to.”

Work is another matter. I am expected to schmooze at dinner with the directors / bigwigs a few times a year and I hate it. I’m good at it, and can make conversation and make people feel included but it’s bloody hard work. So draining. I can’t understand why other people seem to want to.

Yeah I am sick for at least the next day after stuff like this (I usually just leave at the first possible opportunity - once I ran away and leapt on the nearest bus)