To hate parties and mingling and networking and schmoozing

[CurdinHenry]

I invariably come away feeling like people can always tell I'm a freak (no specific reasons for it, I make polite and interested small talk and express gentle enthusiasm for other people's stuff, my energy is just off, I think).

I am in my mid 40s and will always be bothered by this a bit but thank God I'm over the hump of being young and feeling the need to find my way.

I wonder what it's like to just go to events and not feel fear about it beforehand. It must be nice.

As for senior leaders being able to opt out, not really. It's all about "visibility".

Your lucky your not married to my dh who thrives on socialising, small talk and networking. Like you I can’t be bothered, but am finding as I get older that when I do make an effort and find a connection with someone as a result, it can be rewarding and life enhancing.

Because we don't all work in that kind of job.

I'm a dog walker so nothing about my life requires me to behave formally or look presentable. Even when I'm meeting clients, I go dressed in leggings and hoodies and prepared to be jumped all over by their dogs, lol.

I am, and always have been, dreadful at this. Luckily for me it's not a core part of the job, but I really dread this aspect of training and conferences a few times a year. I just wish it was socially acceptable to spend breaks in a corner sat reading my book with an "it's not you, it's me" label round my neck.

In a room of 100 people attending these god awful seminars etc. I wonder how many of them enjoy it.

Surely most

Although maybe like the end of WFH they're mostly just bullied into it

Most senior leaders I know learn how to work the room very efficiently and visibly. And then sneak out early without being noticed.

@CurdinHenry yes. I’m sure most of us won’t end up going. Everyone has been told no negativity allowed. Everyone must join. Some people have been told to organise the pre drinks and bar/club afterwards. although there’s already a rooftop drinks and buffet.

I’m taking milk thistle, soluble paracetamol and electrolytes.

No negativity allowed??

How many of them do this effectively though?

I've been on the receiving end of it and it can be very disconcerting - someone performatively going through the motions of social connection but more conscious of their own internal timer that says "move on to the next person" than anything you're saying. I'm bad at it because I fear coming across like that too much. But actually coming across like that isn't any better.

God why do extroverts insist on making life so wretched for everyone else!

I don't think it has anything to do with extroversion, even in the sense of the usual Mn misunderstanding of the term as involving 'bubbliness', loud voices and terror of being alone, Just some employers, in some industries, think this kind of compulsory 'fun' is 'team-building'.

Just like some companies think it makes them terribly hip and improves staff morale if there are pingpong tables and a smoothie bar in HQ and you can slide down a slide between floors instead of taking the stairs.

God yes, absolutely hate it. I'm ok socially, especially now we have kids and although it's not always the most thrilling topic of conversation it's usually enough of an ice breaker with other parents. But I was horribly shy and introverted through school, convinced no one wanted to speak to me, or that I was boring, and it took a long time to get over it.

Professionally, I would rather die than network. In my role I don't have to do it often, but there's usually one conference week a year where I am constantly meeting people and feigning interest in what they do while hoping against hope they don't realise I don't understand or care about 90% of what they are saying. Weirdly I'm very good at public speaking and often MC events, which I think gives people the idea I like talking to others. Couldn't be further from the truth, having a prepared MC script is very different to free-flow networking chit chat.

It has got worse as I've got older. I hate hanging around making small talk. Nothing to do with peri/menopause, either. Once an introvert, always an introvert!

God, this reminds me of a company that I worked for (very short lived!) that delivered IT training. I was in HR and the sales guys ruled the roost. There were constant games, team building days, competitions and you were pulled up short if you didn’t get involved and do it with a great big smile on your face. My lowest point came, when I had to take part in a version of I’m a celebrity and eat crickets 🦗 whilst the sales team shouted and jeered - this was a great team building active apparently… I gave my notice in after that, I’d only been there 7 weeks.