AIBU to feel envious of her?

[GlowieGlow]

I follow someone on social media who always seems really nice and down to earth, and she has what looks like a lovely husband. I only recently realised she already had children when they met, and he’s completely taken them on as his own even though he doesn’t have children himself. They’ve been married for years and genuinely seem very happy.

I know social media only shows the good bits, but I can’t stop feeling envious of her life and what she’s found. Not just the relationship itself, but that someone loved her enough to fully embrace her children too. It feels incredibly lucky.

I think what’s upset me is realising how much I wanted that for myself. I wish I’d met someone kind who loved me properly and accepted my children as part of the package, and built a happy family life with us. Instead I’ve been single for years and haven’t had even the slightest bit of interest from anyone in such a long time. Seeing her life has really brought home the fact that it just never happened for me, and that it probably never will.

I feel mean even admitting I’m jealous because she’s obviously done nothing wrong, but seeing it has really got to me. AIBU to feel like this?

Your feelings are your feelings and there's nothing unreasonable about them. I'd say it's more envy as you don't sound remotely ugly in your attitude towards her.

I am a naturally upbeat positive person but after spending years on my own I did find myself feeling sad about it, wondering why everyone else seemed able to find someone etc.

I'll point out that obvious bits; it's not her but what her presence has shone a light on which is bothering you.

Are you open to looking for a partner?

i think it’s normal to grieve the life you wanted but didn’t have. Give yourself permission to have these feelings, but remember, social media only shows the nice bits. The dp may be terrible at leaving smelly pants everywhere, and the children really messy and untidy. Years ago, people would say the camera never lies, but it certainly does today.

OP, you don't happen to be one of those women who refuses to date men with children despite having children yourself?

You’ve totally missed the point.

Not unreasonable at all. I know people will come on here and say it probably isn't like that behind the camera, but it might be. Some people just have lucky, charmed lives and others don't.
However, i don't think social media is really good for anyone, and especially telling is that you compare yourself and feel worse about your own life for it.
May be a good idea to step away for a bit? Periodically? Just for a break and a reality check.

It might be why you're having issues finding a partner?

Some mothers are just lucky at finding a man without kids, but the older we get, the more unlikely that scenario is.

YANBU to wish to have met a good partner.

YABU to assume what’s on social media is real.

Posting SM stuff about family fun, partners and especially DC seems unwise, at best.

If what she posts IS real and she has a great H and family life, lucky them and YANBU to want similar. She’s still silly to do SM.

Im not concerned about whether a man has children or not thats not what my post is about, my point is it is possible to find a man without children who will date a single mum and doesnt have or want any of his own as I’ve seen people say before that this isn’t possible and if a man doesnt have children who won’t date a woman with children or he will want his own which isn’t true as they’ve been together for 10 years

How do you know this guy isn’t infertile? Or wants children with her but she’s done?

How do you know he’s not an arsehole who frequently reminds her she’s lucky to have him?

Fakebook is not real life.

I always try to see it the other way, he's v lucky she let him join the family and into her kids lives.

Yeah sadly most don’t agree with that though

It’s fairly obvious who you are referring to, and it’s also fairly obvious that that person is not who they are presented as. A lot of work goes into that carefully curated image and it’s mainly all false.

And who is that exactly?

Stacey Solomon

lol how strange, no it isn’t and her partner does have a child!

Oh, you’re talking about Z list celebrities? Rather than just someone you know slightly and follow, from the school run, locally, an ‘influencer’ type or whatever.

As if you would admit it

They have kids together as well I believe, not sure where you got that one from.

The first line of my post was “I follow someone on social media”

From the details of your post, I knew you would not have the grace to say if it was correct from your strategic use of the word “exactly” in your previous post

Focus time and love on your children.
Their childhood will go fast.
Noone will love them as much you can.

The more people that children have who love them the better

They exist yes, my new partner accepted that I had two dc. He knows I don’t want any more and he does not want to have children of his own so it works for us. This was all discussed very early days!

It would be lovely if you found that happy ever after. I hope you get it.

The person you follow on sm shows she has it with photo's and video snippets. She could be as miserable as sin, could be an abusive relationship that she has no idea how to escape. Hopefully not