AIBU to feel envious of her?

[GlowieGlow]

I follow someone on social media who always seems really nice and down to earth, and she has what looks like a lovely husband. I only recently realised she already had children when they met, and he’s completely taken them on as his own even though he doesn’t have children himself. They’ve been married for years and genuinely seem very happy.

I know social media only shows the good bits, but I can’t stop feeling envious of her life and what she’s found. Not just the relationship itself, but that someone loved her enough to fully embrace her children too. It feels incredibly lucky.

I think what’s upset me is realising how much I wanted that for myself. I wish I’d met someone kind who loved me properly and accepted my children as part of the package, and built a happy family life with us. Instead I’ve been single for years and haven’t had even the slightest bit of interest from anyone in such a long time. Seeing her life has really brought home the fact that it just never happened for me, and that it probably never will.

I feel mean even admitting I’m jealous because she’s obviously done nothing wrong, but seeing it has really got to me. AIBU to feel like this?

How old are her kids? It’s very common for step dads to love their step kids when they’re little but the wheels fall off when teenagerdom hits- especially boys. My ex went from wanting to adopt my son when he was 10 to threatening to report him to the police at 16 (allegedly for smoking weed in the house- never happened)z

Why is it too late?

She hit the jackpot- most men aren't too fussed about their own children, let alone someone else's. Don't compare yourself to this, even if they are showing the full picture (unlikely TBH) this guy is very much the exception.

Teens/ young adults but they’ve been together for 10 years

Because my kids are older now

Yes it sounds that way, he really does seem like a lovely guy though

Katie Price?

Sorry, I'll get my coat 😁

Sarah and Xavier?

Yeah you got me, it’s Katie price 🤪🤣

It’s all a bit circumstancial, maybe you’ve just had bad luck. I’ve never had issues with a lack of people wanting to be with me despite having a child, and have many examples similar around me. My manager remarried a woman with 5 children, for example.

I do think the older the children, the more challenging it becomes. I was never like that but my brother was wildly territorial about my mother and had this idea that he was “the man of the house” (ugh).

It's fine to feel envy, as long as it's fleeting. Comparing other people's lives should hold just a short attention span to stay healthy.

Most of us btw probably wish for something different, even if not a little bit. There's going to be someone out there who would probably love to have your life. Anyway, I hope you get what you'd like OP and you're happy.

I see what you mean. That would not necessarily discourage me though. Anyway, I hope that good things will come to you in future.

Hmm, I think you may be a tad unreasonable because you can’t truly know what’s happening in someone’s life from social media. If you look at my XH’s new wife’s social media, you’d see a loving, supportive H and step Dad, who stepped up to help parent his step kids because their Dad isn’t very involved. What you don’t see if that he’s ignored his own DC for almost a year! I assume he’s a better step Dad than father but it’s very hurtful to DC.
Assuming it’s a true representation- this woman is obviously fortunate to have met someone. There are men out there who step up to parent step kids. There are some who cause more harm than good. Single mums have to be very selective about who they bring into their DCs lives. All you can do is the best you can with what you have.

I chose not to date sorry I should have said. I chose to stay single but now regret it. But if a great guy came into my life I wouldn’t have said no but no one did but I didn’t go seeking it.

OP, why don’t you create the nice life that you see she has for yourself. You don’t need a man to live that life you see on FB and envy.

When I was single for a long time, by choice after I split with DDs father, I worked hard and studied, had a beautiful house, did nice things with my DD at weekends and holidays.

I don’t do FB or anything like that but from the outside, I had that life. And then when DD was 14 met my now DH.

My DH has no DC. His choice.

He is though a super step-dad to my now adult DD and a supper DGD.

And that's the cause of your misery.

I did the same for a long time. I happened to eventually meet someone but looking back yes, I regret it and do not recommend. I’m not saying to immediately bring strangers into the family home or anything, but I also think it’s not good to put your life on hold indefinitely.

How many kids do you have op whats their age.

Social media is curated. It can be easy to forget that sometimes.

“he does not want to have children of his own” - what are his reasons? Surely he’s said?

Absolute nonsense

Your desperation to find a man to raise your children with you is going to make them more vulnerable to bad faith actors in my opinion. I really hope you are not one of those women who overlooks blatant red flags because you want your perfect little nuclear family just like the influencer you are envious of.

Clearly I wasn’t desperate as I stayed alone and didn’t date, I now regret it

Thanks for replying x

I think choosing not to date was a valid decision and I would probably do the same.

You may have missed out on one great guy, possibly, but you protected your kids from god knows how many predatory or deadbeat men.

I chose not to date, for 11 years. Family members told me I was wrong and tried to set me up with guys.

When my DD was 14 and I changed careers, she warned me “don’t meet any one”.
I did, and he is the best stepdad to “our” now adult DD.

I have no regrets about not dating while I brought my DD up alone. For us both it was a very special time and she appreciates, what I sacrificed, I guess.

I consciously chose not to have a relationship. I have a very close relationship with my DD, I have wonderful DGC, and a lovely DH.

I am in my late 50s now, in good health, my DH has health issues, but it was all worth it.

There is only one guarantee in life.

Try not to regret, you can’t get that time back. But you can make new and good times.