AIBU to feel envious of her?

[GlowieGlow]

I follow someone on social media who always seems really nice and down to earth, and she has what looks like a lovely husband. I only recently realised she already had children when they met, and he’s completely taken them on as his own even though he doesn’t have children himself. They’ve been married for years and genuinely seem very happy.

I know social media only shows the good bits, but I can’t stop feeling envious of her life and what she’s found. Not just the relationship itself, but that someone loved her enough to fully embrace her children too. It feels incredibly lucky.

I think what’s upset me is realising how much I wanted that for myself. I wish I’d met someone kind who loved me properly and accepted my children as part of the package, and built a happy family life with us. Instead I’ve been single for years and haven’t had even the slightest bit of interest from anyone in such a long time. Seeing her life has really brought home the fact that it just never happened for me, and that it probably never will.

I feel mean even admitting I’m jealous because she’s obviously done nothing wrong, but seeing it has really got to me. AIBU to feel like this?

It's never too late you know if that's what you want for the future. I stayed single for 8 years, but I met someone who was a friend for a year or so before we got together. Am no spring chicken.
And my auntie is now 81, she still goes on dates and has found someone lovely and fun to spent time with. I've seen pics and he's a bit of a looker too, lol.

I have two children and haven’t had a partner for nine years. I hear what you’re saying, OP. I’ve come to terms with it being incredibly unlikely that I’ll ever have another relationship. I’m in my early 50s.

Yanbu but you have to work for what you want in life. If you want to date and find somebody you might need to go on 50 dates before you find the right one!

Channel the jealousy into seeking out your soul mate. It’s never too late .

Its not a mans responsibility to look after your kids and have a father figure and theres nothing stopping you dating now,.social media isnt real, if it was then katie price wouldnt be on husband no. 174

Tell that to all the other single mums who remarried?

It’s beautiful when it happens! I have a friend who found a guy like you described and treated her two daughters like his own. He is such an amazing partner! It make sense to feel sad about it but you know what it’s never too late! Good luck finding that man for you!

Maybe the reason you haven’t got what this other woman has is because you’re not actually a very nice person.

👍

Yes it is, it’s a shame people are so negative, and the right man can absolutely enhance your life and your children’s

My husband is not my children’s birth father, but he is their dad. He doesn’t have children other than them. It’s not just about loving me. We are fortunate that our needs and wants align to the other persons. My husband adores our children and wanted to raise kids, but he has a condition which he worries about passing on. It happens, but I think it is rare.

The details don’t fit. He already had a child.

And they have kids together. which I definitely don’t want anymore.

Im not against dating a man with kids but I absolutely would not date a man with children younger than teens, and I don’t care if that’s unreasonable, mine aren’t young and I don’t want to date someone with young kids. I guess im just in awe at the fact he has no kids of his own and they have none together but yet has taken on her children. That definitely seems rare.

I don't know about anyone else but if I have a camera in my face and I know 1000s will be watching it. I would suddenly become a very different person.

So you don’t think there are any nice men or good marriages?

Absolutely their is im in a relationship with one
but i don't believe anyone has a perfect life or a perfect relationship. Relationships take a lot of work and a lot of give and take. I certainly don't feel jealous of anyone else's relationships. Life isn't a fairytale.

@GlowieGlow, my husband did it. He had a bad marriage and decided not to complicate it by having children. Eventually divorced. Met me, my DD, teenager, now adult. We have DGC. He adores his step daughter and there is nothing “step” about DGC.

Don’t give up on your dream, good men do exist.
Live it into reality. Look after yourself, your DC, your work - whatever you do. And also, a bit of a strange one, don’t have a type. Be open!

My DP is 30, he doesn't have or want children himself but he was not bothered by me having two kids. He has a stepdad-type role (though we don't live together). He is happy to be around them, we go out to dinner, he helps with homework. So it definitely does happen, and I guess as he doesn't want kids of his own, and I don't want any more, we do match in that respect, and I think he perhaps surprised himself that he can get on with children.

They have kids together and he also has a kid from a previous relationship, so that doesn’t fit with anything the OP has said at all?

No one will ever love children as much as their (stable) biological parents. Hope you find happiness and peace. Your children will grow up. Maybe you will meet someone then. Speaking from experience, it’s best not to bring a partner into children’s’ lives.

Well sadly their father didnt love them at all. You don’t feel a step parent can love a child as much? My dad loved my sister as much as me (and she wasn’t his)

I used to say the same as you. It was really hard as I watched my female friends with kids all find lovely men, and there was me, alone. Then, I found him (online dating). Hes wonderful, loving and treats my children so kindly. It'll happen x

Oh nice I will have to sign up to online dating

I met my partner on Tinder, I wasn’t really looking for anything serious as had decided it was too much like hard work dating while being a single parent. I had two children and he had none and didn’t want any. He has accepted me and my children and his family have done the same. I think my children have been incredibly lucky and I just wanted to say, it can happen! I didn’t introduce them to him for almost six months but told him about them almost immediately- within the first few messages. He is a great step dad and we’ll never have our own children together, we don’t want to and I love that my children have stayed as the number one priority.

For me, online dating wasnt the way I wanted to do it, but like you, my children were not in sports, so I'd not meet a man that way. And workplace dating was not allowed. Its a nice way to dip your toe in, hopefully gain some confidence.

I think step parents can love their stepchildren but I’m not sure if it’s the same unconditional love that good parents have for their bio children. There are good men out there and someone not truly loving their step children doesn’t make them a bad person but it’s just a natural thing that can’t be forced.