AIBU to feel envious of her?

[GlowieGlow]

I follow someone on social media who always seems really nice and down to earth, and she has what looks like a lovely husband. I only recently realised she already had children when they met, and he’s completely taken them on as his own even though he doesn’t have children himself. They’ve been married for years and genuinely seem very happy.

I know social media only shows the good bits, but I can’t stop feeling envious of her life and what she’s found. Not just the relationship itself, but that someone loved her enough to fully embrace her children too. It feels incredibly lucky.

I think what’s upset me is realising how much I wanted that for myself. I wish I’d met someone kind who loved me properly and accepted my children as part of the package, and built a happy family life with us. Instead I’ve been single for years and haven’t had even the slightest bit of interest from anyone in such a long time. Seeing her life has really brought home the fact that it just never happened for me, and that it probably never will.

I feel mean even admitting I’m jealous because she’s obviously done nothing wrong, but seeing it has really got to me. AIBU to feel like this?

Yeah sure but I don’t subscribe to everyone is unhappy plenty have just found that happy ending and not all men are bad

It’s not SS as both her and her partner had children prior to meeting and they have children together. Anyway OP I don’t think it is unreasonable to be envious but it does sound like you have absorbed some messaging around what single mothers should expect and surely she shows that those limitations are not necessarily true so in a way it is positive for you!

Im just going to ignore that poster she seems a bit strange

Well, they won't love them like you as a mother can.
Perhaps you need to stop spending time on social media looking for a 'dream man' and remember what your priorities are.

One aspect of things going right doesn't mean everything is charmed. My DD was in an abusive relationship, then a controlling relationship. She's lucky to have met her fiance and he's embraced her children fully. But she has health issues, gastro and endocrine issues, that are invisible. Her Dad died when she was in primary school.

@GlowieGlow it makes a difference if children have good emotional support and later on financial, the more they have, the better their outcomes. The love from a good Mum is enough, love wise. Step parent relationship can completely break down during the teen/young adult stages. This is about learning to accept the hand we are dealt.

lol shouldn’t you be doing the same then as you are on SM right now

Yes but it would have still been nice, children crave a father figure and as much as people say teachers etc that just isnt the same

And hankering after the false lifestyle of a social media personality is not strange? Okay, take care

That poster hasn’t posted about being envious of someone on SM though…

If I feel envious of someone else, I try to react to it as a positive emotion. It's a clue to what really matters to me. Use it as a start point for taking action. You want to be really loved. Cliche but true - start by really treating yourself as the most loveable woman in the world. Behave to yourself as you want someone else to treat you. Really take care of yourself physically: work out, update wardrobe and hairstyle etc. Be very compassionate to yourself as this builds a relaxed and positive energy which is attractive. And once these habits are established, get out there with high standards, and start meeting people. OLD, social meet ups, friends of friends etc. Let the world know you are up for dating.

You are right you have no idea what her real life is like. But it is highly unlikely to be 24/7 edited highlights of perfection. I always suspect that the more someone needs public affirmation from social media for their day-to-day life, the more troubled it is below the surface. And even if they are happy, that doesn't mean life is plain sailing for them. I always remember feeling jealous of a woman with a stunning figure, who could do advanced yoga poses with such grace. I was behind her in class, fat and clumsy and almost in tears at the difference between us, wishing I had her body. Then I heard the teacher ask quietly about the woman's serious illness and realised that my dumpy little body was in very good health and hers wasn't. I ddn't want to swap after that.

No one's life is perfect. But that envy tells you what you want to go after in life, so go after it.

I don’t care? Dont like my thread dont post on it.

It's hard to watch these perfect lives but it really can and does happen. I had my boys when I met me now husband and he had no children. He genuinely treats them no differently from the child we share and adores them.

Aww thats lovely, yes I believe it can happen and don’t believe everyone is miserable. Too late for me now but it’s nice that it happened for others

Based on how you’re now replying it might be that your attitude, not your children, is why you haven’t yet found a lovely husband. HTH.

You are right they are not the same. But they can be good influences. And not every real dad is a good influence. You could keep an eye out for trustworthy male role models in teachers, sports coaches, other social clubs, church etc who could act as mentors. They can make a huge difference in children's lives.

DS1 has a lovely dad but he has learned massivley from positive male role models outside our home from a young age. He has great self discipline, which no-one in our family has. I asked him where it came from and he said his martial arts teacher from when he was at primary school!

It's not necessarily too late for you, is it? Even if your DC are older, if you met someone lovely who took an active part in their lives, they would benefit.

My kids aren’t sporty sadly so the only real male role models have been teachers but that just isn’t the same. We are not religious.

It is too late now mine are much older kids. I mean I wish I had met a lovely man when they were younger rather than struggling and bringing them up on my own.

Because maybe my children have grown up.
Or perhaps I don't have children.

Why do you wish you’d found a man who would take on your children as your own?

Why wouldn’t you wish you’d had children with a good man and stayed with him?

what happened with the children’s dad?

Genuinely not meaning to be rude or inflammatory, I just find it a strange thing to be envious of / wish for.

Notwithstanding that, you are envious of her, and I’d say most people are jealous of somebody. Maybe her life is as good as it looks and maybe it isn’t. Either way, you just need to try not to let it get to you.
There are plenty of people I am envious of as well.

I’m a content creator. Trust me. It’s all fake 🙈😂

Yes I suppose but I mean if I had my time again and they were little again I would have tried to find that. I chose not to date.

People only show what they want to on social media. YABU if you think that this is an accurate depiction of what her life is like. Her husband could be a complete arsehole for all you know. If you want to be content, don't compare yourself to strangers on the internet!

Also ive said that before to people wish I had had kids with a better man and people have said not to wish that as then you wouldnt have the kids you have, so yes I don’t wish the change that so wouldnt wish I hadn’t met my ex as then I wouldn’t have my children and I don’t wish to have different kids.

She’s not the only one there plenty of people like her. I guess her situation seems most similar to mine which is why I mentioned her specifically.