Help me settle a bedroom disagreement with my and husband.

[CatsandSun]

We had an argument about this last night and again this morning.
He has sleep apnea, diagnosed and he has a machine that stops his snoring, it only works if he lays on his side, on his back he still snores.
He only got diagnosed with this after years of me complaining about the lack of sleep i was getting because of the snoring.
A family holiday abroad made him realise how bad it was, because of the layout his teen daughter also told him how horrific it was.
We both work and have to be out of the door by 6.50am Monday-Friday. I work 30 hours but my office is a 10 minute walk, he works 40 hours but commutes an hour each way.
I have insomnia, I take pills have done since I was 18, now 44.
To fall asleep I need a dark and quiet room. I like to be in bed ready to sleep by 10.30.
My husband likes to stay up, until gone midnight some nights but normally 11.30ish.
He has started listening to podcasts, this is the issue.
He’ll come to bed at 10 with me but doesn’t see why I can’t stand him laying next to me, on his back with headphones in listening to podcasts.
My issue is, the light from his phone, I can still hear it regardless of headphones and he tends to doze and start snoring, last night nudged him awake to be told.. Fine, I’ll put my mask on but I’m still listening to it.
He kept dozing off, snoring starts because he’s on his back, it was so frustrating to lay next to while I’m trying to sleep.
I eventually got up and said.. Fuck this. I’ll sleep in the spare room from now on and you can come and get me when you actually want to go to sleep.
His argument is that number 1 he has less spare time than me to chill out listening to podcasts. And 2 that he already made a compromise by strapping a mask to his face every night.
He thinks I should learn to tolerate a little phone light and noise in return, who is being unreasonable here?

Your friend is a jerk. Why isn’t she supportive of him wearing his essential health device? So she’d rather he’d potentially die early than see him wearing his mask? She’d rather be woken by snoring? What do you mean that the machine is bad enough? They’re super quiet. Barely noticeable. Certainly a fuckload quieter than snoring all night.

Spare room
The second DD goes to Uni that will be me.
I've had years of it. My only consolation is that I seem to have now inherited my mums terrible snoring, which wakes him up. I don't give a hoot having put up with him for 30 years.

Make the spare room ‘your room’ sleep in there

It’s emotional blackmail for HIM to say you’re holding the spare room over him. Sleep is precious to you, you deserve a space where you are not tortured by lights and noise

A nasal mask isn’t “better”. It’s better for your DH. Doesn’t mean that it is for everyone. I had one initially. Hated it. I pretty much panicked while wearing it because if my mouth opened even slightly all of the air would rush out of my mouth. I naturally sleep with my mouth open for at least part of the night. A chin strap made me freak out more. I changed to a full face mask. So much better for me. Doesn’t matter if my mouth is open or shut because either way the pressurised air is going into my body and keeping my airways open.

I would put in an offer today if it was remotely in the right area. Love the practical layout and the lack of knocking through and extensions. Beautiful living room and garden. Maybe it is overpriced, I don't know the area.

Sleep apnea is disruptive. My husband had a CPap machine, but I used soft silicone ear plugs to blot out the noise he and the machine made.

Its obvious! You need separate rooms.
You're lucky you have a spare a spare one. Sleep is too important to be messing about like this.

Moving to the spare room sounds ideal for both of you, you get a good nights sleep and he gets to relax with his podcast (though I can't understand why he hasn't just turned down the brightness on his phone screen to help with that aspect of the issue).

Just sleep in a spare bedroom. Chronic lack of sleep associated with up to 30 percent higher risk of developing dementia. Prioritise your sleep over any man.

Move into your own room asap you won’t regret it!

We sleep separately - it's amazing. DH snores like a freight train. I need to sleep - as does everyone. Just move into a different room because you'll feel much better for it.

I think people who snore have no idea of the stress they cause to others. I remember feeling like I hated my husband, when night after night he was sleeping soundly, snoring and grunting in his sleep, and I was lay there desperate for sleep, unable to relax, and feeling murderous towards him.

Like I said, spare bedrooms worked for us, and I would never go back.

On holiday, where we have to share a bed, oddly enough, his snoring has decreased so much over the years (he stopped smoking a decade ago) it isn't now a problem.

Unfathomable to me why you've put up with this for so long! And why you are even asking about sleeping in a different room.

Another vote for own room and sign up for a revolutionary sleep app called Lululight - game changer !

Update.. He come up last night, I was in the spare room and apologised. He agreed he was being a knob (tired apparently, go figure) anyhow he has agreed, no phones in the bedroom while I’m trying to sleep. He’ll only come to bed when he wants to go to sleep within 30 minutes, fine by me, I can live with that.
The snoring isn’t an issue once he has his apnea machine on.

I have sleep apnea too and use a cpap machine but the discomfort of the mask means I can only use it for a few hours and only lightly sleep during that time. I will sometimes wake up to find my husband has moved in to the spare room. If its such a problem for you, move, make the spare room your regular room, only use his room for intimacy or necessity if you have guests in the spare room. This is not a big deal. Many couples especially older ones have separate rooms. We all have different sleep cycles and needs for our best sleep.

I don’t want to move to the spare room. I’ve said, the machine stops the snoring and he has agreed to not stay on his phone while I’m trying to sleep within, problem solved.

He’ll only come to bed when he wants to go to sleep within 30 minutes

What's he doing for those 30 minutes in bed before he goes to sleep if he's not on his phone?

I’m glad he apologised @CatsandSun. I hope he sticks to no phone use in the bedroom.

Trying to get spontaneous!

Likewise me & DH sleep separately I see no issues with it.