to find menopausal weight management mentally exhausting and restrictive?

[caretoshare]

I genuinely did not understand before how much mental energy it can take. You spend years being told to “eat healthy”, “move more”, “it’s just calories in versus calories out”, and then suddenly your body seems to change the rules without informing you. You can eat what feels like practically nothing and still gain weight from one takeaway, one dessert, one slightly normal weekend. Meanwhile people around you are saying “just be in a calorie deficit” as if you have not already reduced everything enjoyable.

It is not even vanity for many women. It is the exhausting feeling that maintaining your weight now requires permanent restriction and hypervigilance. You start mentally calculating every handful of nuts, every spoon of oil, every piece of bread, because the margin for error feels tiny.

What makes it worse is how invisible it is. Menopause is discussed in terms of hot flushes and periods stopping, but less about the sheer frustration of feeling your metabolism and body composition shift while being expected to behave as though nothing has changed.

Yes I exercise and I do weight training as well.

I know weight gain is not the worst thing in the world, but the constant mental negotiation around food can become draining. Sometimes it feels like menopause means your body now demands lifelong restraint just to stay the same size.

I know it is not like this for ALL women.

Do you feel that way about the women who are taking WLIs?

@ThemeNights I definitely wouldn't go on the WLI's. If I had to lose weight I'd personally opt for the safer alternatives.

HRT, lots of exercise (incl. weight bearing) / movement and a (mainly) good diet with a few treats.

For me the only thing that really works is low carb, high protein. Boring but it works.

But Tbh, most the time I can't actually be arsed doing it

I haven’t really experienced this with the menopause.
I own a scale but can go months without using it.
I’m holding steady at around 60kg without much effort based on doctors that weigh me fully clothed & shoes on.

My worry is that I am losing bone density and replacing it with fat. The #kg doesn’t mean much to me, it’s how healthy I am inside that worries me. I can’t take HRT and am jealous of my friends who can.

Exactly the same for me, I lost a couple of stone and my bmi was at 22 but my waist measurement is in the unhealthy zone and got told by the gp I need to reduce it. I was eating 1300 calories a day - no treat foods no alcohol at all - I’m 5’10” tall and 56 yo, how the hell can target just my stomach fat? It’s impossible and just makes me feel like a failure despite barely eating. I can’t imagine a man my height managing in 1300 calories or being told to reduce it even more.

I'll show my workings, so to speak. I've put on a stone, and my bmi is just over 25 (I'm on the short side) I'm carrying my extra weight on my belly and boobs, so definitely not the healthiest. I'm trying to model a healthy attitude towards food to my DD8, whilst being aware that the extra weight round the middle isn't great. I find it a hard balance to strike.

When I posed the question, my take was I wouldn't want my daughter to feel hungry and so perhaps accept being a bigger size. I wouldn't want her to use WLIs unless her health was at risk, so I follow my own advice. But we've all got different values.

I also hear how desperate other people feel about how their bodies are changing, and I definitely don't judge them for the actions they choose. We're all trying our best.

I guess if you think that you have tried everything and nothing works, what do you do then?

These people are eating sensibly, it’s just that their metabolism has fallen off a cliff in menopause. Do keep up.

To be honest I have had my arse handed to me as I thought that it was just to continue doing what I was doing which is watch what I eat, making sure I eat healthily and have regular exercise incorporating strength training. Well it’s not. I have gained a stone in the past year just continuing to do exactly that.

The issue has become worse as now I am pulling out the summer clothes and suddenly dresses don’t fit and tops look wrong as I now have boobs for the first time ever.

I guess I will have to cut even more calories from my diet just to get into them or go and buy a whole new summer wardrobe.

I'm through menopause (on HRT), my bmi is 20 and I still have a waist, my cholesterol, blood pressure and hbA1c are always good, and I've never counted a calorie. I'm sure some of how we gain or don't gain is genetic, but - I know this will sound counterintuitive and goes against the current orthodoxy - I wonder if some of you would do better to deprive yourselves less but eat more frequently? If maybe some of the starving does end up messing up peoples' metabolisms?

We have dinner on the later side (usually around 8) and I tend to not eat again until 11 or 12 the next day, although I have a tea with milk and a coffee with creatine and full fat milk and splash of cream, so I'm not actually fasting. I rarely have a real lunch, although I make a lot of homemade soup and will often have a small bowl of that, but otherwise kind of snack on olives, nuts, cheese, leftovers from dinner, chicken, cooked chickpeas, full fat greek yoghurt, fruit, vegetables, rye crackers, hard boiled eggs, bran flakes, roasted sunflower and pumpkin seeds, etc. I do eat carbs but try to be mindful of too many empty ones. And then for dinner I have what the rest of the family is eating, including pasta, rice, spelt, barley, and potatoes, but I'm not starving so it's not a problem to have a small portion. I almost always have something sweet at some point and I will have a glass of wine or a cocktail on the weekend or if we're out during the week.

I do exercise, but probably a lot less than some of you. I do a combination of weights and pilates 3 days a week and most weeks run 5-10k twice. The other days I'm good about getting in my steps, walking the dog, but rarely do any formal exercise.

I completely get not wanting to be very overweight for both health and vanity, but life's too short to be miserable over food. If you're really struggling, maybe try eating small amounts more often?

You’d think we’d be used to it.
Seeing as how the real cliff edge in metabolism is during childhood.

My favourite thing is when people who don't have this issue tell me how simple it is just to eat sensibly and get enough exercise. It's a lifestyle! Aaaaaargh!

I do have an underactive thyroid only diagnosed in my late 40s and have battled with my weight all my life. Now even with thyroid meds my metabolism is just very low. It's depressing and exhausting and I'm SO BORED of managing it. Losing weight over a long period is really hard work then you hit menopause and even that level of deprivation is not enough to just stay the same. Cut more calories, add another couple of exercise sessions...

I thought I would have time for hobbies once my kids didn't need me but no! All my time is spent exercising then cooking then feeling knackered. I want a hobby that doesn't need a change of clothes and sweating! Gutted.

It is really disheartening. I was slim and active until my late 30's and then gained weight due to medications and the peri menopause. Hrt helped with many things but I gained weight particularly once I went onto continuous Hrt. Cue pre diabetes and heart disease. I eat far less than my son and husband but the scales seem to stick. I have also been tee total since 2023. I'm not sure what else to give up, although chocolate has to be an absolute no I think.

I have been weaning off the HRT over 8 weeks, made some very strict dietary changes and have finally lost five pounds. It is such hard work though!

I've had friends telling me it is all about calorie counting and then well you aren't eating enough calories. I do wonder if I have completely messed up my metabolism. I am working on anti inflammatory foods currently.

By skipping meals

I eat twice a day most days, once maybe twice a week

When I do eat I make sure every calorie is worth it, no added calories from using jars and ready meals, I cook from scratch

I fill up on fibre and protein, Carbs are from veggies rather then white carbs

I really have to be careful. Mum died recently and obviously cooking and eating went by the by. I was eating less then ever - and gained 4lb in a month - because I was using convience food more and grabbing sandwiches or eating out

It is a contstant struggle. Not in that I feel hungry , I do get hunger pains , but normal ones when coming up to meal times, not walking around hungry all day. Its the saying no in my head all the time , no I cant have a biscuit, cant have a slice of cake , seriously look at what Ive consumed all week before deciding that a take out on a Saturday night or Sunday lunch is going to be worth it

I see this comment frequently.

The statement is shorthand for 'the density of lean muscle means that it takes up less space than the same mass of adipose tissue'. So if you have two people of the same size, the one with a greater proportion of lean muscle will have a greater mass than the one with more body fat. It's why the generic professional rugby player will have a BMI that can be in the obese range when they actually have significantly less body fat than is the norm at that ratio of height to mass.

I started MJ a week ago even though I couldn’t see how it would work. So far I’ve lost 4lbs and not all watt as my rings can still feel some fluid retention in my fingers.

YANBU. Keeping my weight where I want it requires constant effort. Weights, cardio, steps, tracking calories and macros. Yes, it’s possible to lose weight and maintain, but it’s like a second job.

I’m fortunate that I enjoy exercise and at the moment I don’t have any health conditions that restrict me from doing it. It would be nice to be able to relax a bit though!

Same for me too. Was always slim and looked good before mid 40s when my stomach and boobs literally grew overnight - and kept going. Nothing else had changed. It’s depressing. Seriously considering WLI now as I’ve tipped over to BMI being overweight though would prefer to be able to manage / get back to a normal weight / size without it. It’s v dispiriting

muscle is a denser tissue, so by volume…

As someone who's battled their weight all their life and its got 10x harder in peri, ti think you have a point. Restriction doesnt get me anywhere, im now trying to eat when hungry or ideally, prevent myself being hungry. I might have 4/5 snacky 'meals' a day, but my weight actually stabilises when i do this and if i push for more protein, i will lose.

Trouble is, the world is just full of carbs and if you havent got time to meal plan and prep and fall off the waggon....

Well I’m waiting for a gallbladder operation and am so terrified of having another biliary attack, that I am sticking to the rules so fear is definitely helping me - I look awesome at the moment 🙄

it’s also made me realise how many calories fat does actually add to a diet if I’m honest, I used to merrily fry everything.

“Move more, eat less, we all know that’s what we need to do”, said younger me.

I exercise (run, walk, exercises classes). Yet for the first time ever I have a sweet tooth. I also snack more because I’m hungry.
I’ve tried drinking more water, then adding electrolytes, eating fruit as a hkeagheir option to crisps or choc, and I watch what I eat for a few weeks, weigh myself and I’ve lost 1lb!.

I have lost my waist entirely it seems. Part of me thinks, I’m in my 50’s so embrace this new stage. But extra weight doesn’t suit me, plus I don’t want to be bigger, or risk being unhealthy.

When I used to diet years ago, I could lose a few lbs the first week, yes probably water, but it kicked started me. Now I’d be thrilled to lose 1lb a week and I exercise way more now than I did then.

I want to enjoy my food and not pub 1lb on because I happened to have a slice of cake occasionally.

I skip breakfast everyday so on two meals a day. I tried eating once a day but it made me feel faint.

Fibre and protein are big parts of my diet.

I often say no to take out of going out to eat because it will mean inevitable weight gain. Premenopausally I would eat less for a day or two and any weight would disappear now it hangs around.

oh op :( I can’t imagine giving my weight or size this much mental energy. You could be dead tomorrow ffs, what a waste of a life living and feeling the way you have described ! Are you healthy?
I exercise regularly, feel strong and flexible, , I’m overweight but I’m not humongous and my cholesterol and Blood sugars are fine. I love food and cooking and (butter) and I love clothes and dress to suit my body shape even though I’m no catwalk model.
Is there any way you’d consider therapy to try and put this in perspective ? It all sounds rather miserable for you.