to find menopausal weight management mentally exhausting and restrictive?

[caretoshare]

I genuinely did not understand before how much mental energy it can take. You spend years being told to “eat healthy”, “move more”, “it’s just calories in versus calories out”, and then suddenly your body seems to change the rules without informing you. You can eat what feels like practically nothing and still gain weight from one takeaway, one dessert, one slightly normal weekend. Meanwhile people around you are saying “just be in a calorie deficit” as if you have not already reduced everything enjoyable.

It is not even vanity for many women. It is the exhausting feeling that maintaining your weight now requires permanent restriction and hypervigilance. You start mentally calculating every handful of nuts, every spoon of oil, every piece of bread, because the margin for error feels tiny.

What makes it worse is how invisible it is. Menopause is discussed in terms of hot flushes and periods stopping, but less about the sheer frustration of feeling your metabolism and body composition shift while being expected to behave as though nothing has changed.

Yes I exercise and I do weight training as well.

I know weight gain is not the worst thing in the world, but the constant mental negotiation around food can become draining. Sometimes it feels like menopause means your body now demands lifelong restraint just to stay the same size.

I know it is not like this for ALL women.

Since 50 I’ve gone from 5’7 and size 8-10 to size 12. I do more exercise now than before and I’m vegan. Had an ED as a young woman and calorie count so not over eating.
turning into an Apple with a middle section I can’t shift, and soft fat creeping onto my arms and thighs.

What bmi are you? I notice that women who were always very slim (lower end of bmi) struggle to accept even a tiny bit of weight gain (say going from bmi 19 to 19.5) like my slim runner friends who complain about having a “belly” but I cannot even see what they mean

or are you talking about actually becoming overweight?

i do know what you mean about being watchful and calculating, just been on holiday at did not much exercise and ate what I wanted and drank alcohol and immediately put on 4 pounds and as bloated belly

it feels that even looking vaguely in shape in your fifties requires hard work

I am in the overweight category and have a bad family history of chronic diseases and have been advised to lower my weight. Not overweight enough for WLI.

I wish I could enjoy food without analysing it but if I do the weight piles on even more.

I don't think I need therapy. I am just battling against my menopausal body like many women are.

Nope; it’s the other way round Muscle is significantly denser than fat. This means muscle occupies much less physical space in your body, which is why losing fat while gaining muscle can make you leaner and smaller/ drop dress sizes even if the scale doesn't budge.
of course nobody here is stupid enough to think a lb of muscle weighs more than a lb of fat - literally nobody was saying that. That would be the same as saying a ton of bricks weighs more than a ton of feathers!

It just feels so out of control doesn't it? I have wobbly arms and a waist that keeps expanding.

In that case have you had your bloods done? If You’re in the overweight category you can still be perfectly healthy if you eat and exercise well and have good biomarkers.
I heard an interesting thing from a doctor on a podcast last week that said genetic risk factors accounts for only 20% of health outcomes - the rest is pure lifestyle. That may put your mind at ease if you have a good lifestyle.

re wobbly arms - boxing circuits have made a massive difference for me, highly recommend it. And more importantly it’s super fun and great for stress 😬

But sometimes it’s pure aesthetics. At least I can speak for myself. I know I’m perfectly healthy but I don’t like the way I look.

I don’t eat carbs and haven’t put any weight on. I had a recent comprehensive blood test that showed I was coming to the end of menopause and I didn’t even realise I’d started. It isn’t inevitable you put weight on. You just have to eat right

That’s what I meant to say. I really need to proof read before,posting! 🙈

But it doesn’t, 1lb of muscle weighs exactly the same as 1lb of fat. Muscle is denser and more compact and takes up less space than fat which is why your body composition changes!
it’s the same as 1lb of feathers will weigh the exact same as 1lb of bricks, but the weight will look completely different x

To me not eating carbs is mentally exhausting and restrictive though.

Ive also had success limiting carbs but every meal I have to make sure there are lots of carbs for my sporty teens plus a carb alternative for me (like cauli rice so two pans). i have to think can afford things as carbs are very cheap. I find a sandwich really convenient for lunch at work as it transports and isnt messy and is quick to prepare - so im forever thinking what else works for where im going.

Sorry if this has been mentioned, but has anyone else had a kind of fat redistribution? I've noticed that my thighs are quite a bit thinner (no bad thing) but I've massively gained weight on my stomach and bust. Ironically, I was very flat chested in my teens and twenties, when I would have minded the curves. Now it has all just headed south!

It really does. I’ve been reading up and apparently stress and lack of sleep also contribute to menopausal belly fat, both of which I can’t control. Also have mild hypothyroidism which is well controlled to be fair. It’s definitely a nature thing though.

My breast size increased 4 cups (but thanks to HRT)

It is not just about eating right. I do eat right but my body is different post menopause like many other women are experiencing.

Meno belly is a bastard to shift. The plank exercise is a good one but takes some doing.

Ah that would be it then, I've just come off of HRT after seven years.

This is why I don't believe some celebs who deny they're on the jabs. 50 plus women suddenly becoming skeletal and we are meant to believe that's achieved through the traditional route. Yeah right.

Completely agree with this. It's ridiculous for anyone to say we just have to eat right. I was stick thin from childhood to 40s and always ate well due to health issues. I hadn't done anything differently when the weight suddenly piled on. I was a size 6/8 in 2023 and I'm now a 14. My eating habits hadn't changed but now I'm desperately trying to lose weight. No idea how as I feel hungry a lot and my diet is already limited. Like another poster it makes me want to cry. I look awful for my height and my face looks horrendous with more fat.

Yes my breasts have gone up two sizes. I don't mind that all as I was fairly small, but I want rid of the belly fat.

I hear you, I dog walk everyday, I do weights, a HiT class, zumba or clubbercise in the week and swim 50-60 length’s on a sat. I eat well, lots of greens/ fruits etc, I am in calorie deficit most days - just to maintain a size 16. And I am miserable, I miss chocolate, cheese, cake - I am hungry and pissed off!

I won’t do the injections too many friends have had awful side effects or put the weight straight back on after stopping.

Apologies I have skim read your replies but have you had some bloods done recently? If not it might be worth digging in to this and seeing if there is an underlying cause that hasn't been identified. Also, are you doing or would be open to any hormone therapy? It maybe you are low in something that might make a difference? It is maddening to work so hard and not get the results!

I lost 3 stone over last 14 months without WLI and totally changed my diet, however now at 82kg ( still overweight) at 5ft 4 I struggle now to lose unless I literally eat 1100 cals a day and don’t drink at all - I can maintain quite easily though and look pretty well, husband says I look great even if a size 16 , so what I am doing is being very vigilant all week at around 1300 cals and then eat what want at weekend ( but nothing sweet at all) and have half a bottle Friday and Saturday nights. I can’t lose at this but I can maintain so mentally I’m accepting that - I did 5 weeks WLI previously right at beginning and hated the sensation ( really bad indegestion annd felt like morning sickness 4 days a week) and the expense. To be honest if I just maintain it won’t be the end of the world. I’m 64 and apart from a bit hefty no issues.

I hear you. I do try to do things like keep a package of clearspring organic rye crispbread and an apple in my bag, so I can always grab a hardboiled egg and spinach pot from Pret, and then I know I can have the carbonara at that night. I am more mindful than I used to be that I should have a salad before the carbonara and have some protein (and often another vegetable alongside), so I'm eating less carbonara than when I was younger, but I'm still having it, with maybe a small glass of wine.

I do also try to be mindful of, if I've had a luxurious food day, to be fairly spartan the next day - salad, veg, grilled chicken or fish, vegetable heavy soup. I don't feel deprived because I know it's temporary. I'm also a fan of chicken bone broth with a bit of salt and a dash of sesame oil as a savoury way of staving off hunger pangs.

I'm honestly not saying I've got it cracked, everyone is different. But, while I do care how I look and how my clothes fit (contrary to mumsnet wisdom that you'll stop caring at 50 and embrace the whiskers), I would hate to be saying no to dinners out, social events and food that I love. Life is genuinely too short for that.

I guess my point is, if something's not working, instead of doubling down on it, maybe try something a bit different.