to find menopausal weight management mentally exhausting and restrictive?

[caretoshare]

I genuinely did not understand before how much mental energy it can take. You spend years being told to “eat healthy”, “move more”, “it’s just calories in versus calories out”, and then suddenly your body seems to change the rules without informing you. You can eat what feels like practically nothing and still gain weight from one takeaway, one dessert, one slightly normal weekend. Meanwhile people around you are saying “just be in a calorie deficit” as if you have not already reduced everything enjoyable.

It is not even vanity for many women. It is the exhausting feeling that maintaining your weight now requires permanent restriction and hypervigilance. You start mentally calculating every handful of nuts, every spoon of oil, every piece of bread, because the margin for error feels tiny.

What makes it worse is how invisible it is. Menopause is discussed in terms of hot flushes and periods stopping, but less about the sheer frustration of feeling your metabolism and body composition shift while being expected to behave as though nothing has changed.

Yes I exercise and I do weight training as well.

I know weight gain is not the worst thing in the world, but the constant mental negotiation around food can become draining. Sometimes it feels like menopause means your body now demands lifelong restraint just to stay the same size.

I know it is not like this for ALL women.

I have found my tribe ! Am just wondering should I give up and accept a swim ring around my middle. I used to look at older women in pencil skirts and wonder why?? Now here I am in the elastic waist department. Very tempted to jab

Yes. I was a size 12 at 18 and stayed that way barring pregnancy to mid 40s. Now 14 can be tight

Nothing stops anyone getting cancer but certain things like smoking and overeating increase the risk.

Best thing is to find a happy medium, still obviously have treats just limit them so you don't become obese.

It is hard when older, metabolism etc changes we just have to make a concerted effort. The effects of all the bad lifestyle choices we have made whilst younger catch up with us!

There are only so many eggs and fat free greek yoghurt a girl can eat!

I've been on Mounjaro for two years and still can't manage on just one meal a day. I really don't know how those of you who do it are getting through without punching someone in the face. I eat breakfast, lunch and dinner without fail. The jabs have made an incredible difference to my life and I'm approaching a healthy weight for the first time ever in my mid-40s, but it's certainly slower even with the medication to lose weight at this age than it was in my yo-yo dieting teens/20s and even 30s. Hormones have a lot to answer for!

Of course gaining weight in middle age affects men. Many, many men my age (mid 50s) and older seem to have expanding belly fat. DH is unfortunately heading that way, although some is steroid induced so I cut him some slack.

IMO weight gain at any age is down to genes and lifestyle. One you can't do much about, the other requires effort and to an extent they both influence each other.

I entirely concur @caretoshare I'm in the same boat and it's truly shocked me.

I've been slim all my life. Always eaten healthily, taken plenty of exercise, I'm tee total, never smoked. My GP has teased me that I'm "the NHS' dream" 😀

I've hit menopause and suddenly find that 1 calorie over my normal sensible intake and I put on 3lb within an hour slight exaggeration but not much

I was on some weight loss threads a couple of years ago under this username but have had to completely give up on trying to get back to that 😀

I admit I've been silently frustrated with friends through our twenties, thirties, forties, who have complained that they can't lose weight despite trying when it was clear that they were eating/drinking too much of the wrong things, not moving their bodies enough etc. This is different. It's like all the old rules are blown out of the water, all the adult life certainties are gone. I'm eating considerably less, still eating healthily, moving more than ever before...I still can't maintain, and can very easily increase my weight.

I'm having memories come back of women in my family who are now in their seventies and eighties saying to me when I was in my twenties and they were the age I am now that they were experiencing the same thing. I recall more than one woman saying that she could starve herself and she wouldn't lose weight. I remember being sceptical at the time, but I now realise they were right and I was very wrong!

If you find the secret to getting round this, let me know (and we can bottle it and make our fortunes)

Surely if you starve yourself ie eating nothing but water it's impossible to gain weight?

Could you have an underactive thyroid?

May I recommend switching wine to gin and slim, total game changer

You're not wrong, I think the issue is that we now need to eat so little to lose or even maintain weight that the body rebels, I'm starving, think about food constantly, can't focus, feel emotional and have no energy.

I'm 5'6 and used to be a 10-12 on 1800 cals, now I'm gaining weight on 1400 and lose 1lb a week on a 1100/1200 clean protein heavy diet with absolutely no room for the occasional special meal or a weekly treat.

That's not living and my family, work and mental health suffer. Jabs let me eat 1200cals without going insane.

I do wonder if once fully menopausal it might stabilise, so if I can keep it under control I might come out the other side.

That is fine. You do you. I know that if I relax and eat more, the weight piles on and takes a VERY long time to lose. I don't look good at a higher BMI because of my build - I look pretty chunky at BMI 21 to be honest. So it's easier to keep my weight down; to keep flexible and fit, than it is to try to 'fix things' at BMI 25.

This book might help a bit- it does seem like some women need to change the way they exercise when they are menopausal.

https://www.amazon.co.uk/Next-Level-Kicking-Crushing-Menopause/dp/0593233158/ref=pd_bxgy_d_sccl_1/259-8547414-7807441?pd_rd_w=pcIW1&content-id=amzn1.sym.ec630614-3f9e-4b7f-ba9a-fe89f8e4113f&pf_rd_p=ec630614-3f9e-4b7f-ba9a-fe89f8e4113f&pf_rd_r=CJ4JDSNEKJZF4X1RS2M4&pd_rd_wg=Ekech&pd_rd_r=0f8a0c9e-204c-49c9-8057-eed901c6475b&pd_rd_i=0593233158&psc=1

There are also a couple of others about runnign in midlife https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1839812877/?encoding=UTF8&pd_rd_plhdr=t&aaxitk=31b1471c2347341410242dd91c2b7cfc&hsa_cr_id=0&qid=1778857074&sr=1-1-e0fa1fdd-d857-4087-adda-5bd576b25987&aref=gaLZrLMgQs&ref=sbx_s_sparkle_sbtcd_asin_0_title&pd_rd_w=vsh00&content-id=amzn1.sym.358d43ed-81c4-455e-87e8-a84d0543fd5e%3Aamzn1.sym.358d43ed-81c4-455e-87e8-a84d0543fd5e&pf_rd_p=358d43ed-81c4-455e-87e8-a84d0543fd5e&pf_rd_r=NFPH3KA1SR3RKH6K9ATM&pd_rd_wg=NRUqd&pd_rd_r=3e24ff1e-806e-476d-8766-369500de4700 and https://www.amazon.co.uk/Runners-Guide-Menopause-essential-training/dp/1399423851/ref=sr_1_1_sspa?crid=1Z3IPYUAWJ0QC&dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.v1dboo4fUHr6fDeBoWJILmJrFv2wauSfV9xvzAAi06GbBWxynFcOatzDZtmAAISa81Qbvl6iDmuYPAIHReIdiOnX92TbI1hFfAZ6p8utjAE0Num2VlfP-TsvqtitvCptuzJeihYWZXozKwMHHK9PFnTDYU-Z26GsF9BBReRG7bw.GlfFWhYfAYFG-ivPEeL3NBgsqwbRqz1xNs-Ibyvu2Qc&dib_tag=se&keywords=running+in+menopause&qid=1778857026&s=books&sprefix=running+in+menopause%2Cstripbooks%2C163&sr=1-1-spons&aref=jo842NOoIS&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9hdGY&psc=1

Sorry about the awful links! Other bookshops are available!

@MyDuvetDay Yes. Up until hitting peri, at 40 for me, I struggled to put on weight. My BMI hovered just at the start of the “healthy” range for decades.

I started HRT 3 years ago, my weight crept up a bit but was manageable and I still fit into my clothes. I maintained a BMI in the middle of the “healthy” range.

In December I was put on Amitriptyline for migraines, I put on 2.5 stones in 2 months putting me at the top end of the “Overweight” BMI scale.

I’ve currently been trying to lose weight since March. I’ve lost a soul destroying 2kgs, I am walking an hour a day, lifting and calorie counting every meal.
I cook from scratch, eat all the whole foods recommended blah blah blah, constantly hungry and yet it does not shift.

I am due abroad in a couple of months and none of my clothes/bikinis fit. I don’t know what else to do. It’s so frustrating and brings me to tears if I think about it.

I am seeing a bit of weight gain currently, it's very annoying as more weight = more to carry around when running which = slower! But I know other women my age who are super-skinny so they've managed to work out how to avoid the meno-spread.

I really think you should have your thyroid checked and that many people who gain weight when eating as little as you do (<1400 calories!!!!) must have some endocrine/metabolic issue.

I wonder if the hormonal shift at menopause triggers an endocrine 'disorder' (for want of a better word) in some women in the same way pregnancy can trigger endocrine disorders?

One thing is for sure that is a very low level of calories to survive on and im not surprised you think about food a lot of the time.

unfortunately my thyroid is fine. (I mean not unfortunately but in terms of weight loss).
DH has just made a big dinner of fancy pasta for us all . He is now offended that I don’t want to eat it and have quietly made myself a bloody salad. And therein lies the issue. The effect it has on everything else. But we are going to a wedding tomorrow. I’ve got a dress to wear that won’t bear a 3 pound overnight gain if I eat it. Of course he doesn’t get it.

The women I know who avoid the memo spread do not eat ‘normally’. They skip one sometimes two meals every day. In addition I know one who fasts for 24 hours every Monday to ‘pay for’ the weekend. Before going back to 1-2 meals a day.
And lots of exercise. Running or gym every day.

I just don’t have the time, the energy or inclination to be that extreme.

I now only reliably lose weight on 1000cal per day or less. It makes me feel sick and dizzy and so so bored of salad and veg.
I’ve put on about 1/2 lb a month for years and now weigh about 3st more than my ‘best’ early 40s weight of 8st 2. Just ordered Mounjaro. We shall see.

I have tried 24-40 hours fasting too and it does work. It is just very hard to do.

I don't fast or run every day. I do however eat much less than in my younger years or else I'd be overweight .

No need for only salad either. It's a much used excuse that we need to eat lettuce. You just need to eat less.

We all have to adapt and adjust as we age.

I think you've taken that rather literally.

I was ill with a serious stomach infection in Nov 2024. I ate very very little for weeks. I lost weight then. But I was laid in bed, severely poorly. I wouldn't or couldn't live like that normally of course. And the moment I got better and started eating again - still healthily - I immediately started to gain weight. The point is that even if I cut my calories right down to point where I start to feel quite weak whilst going about my normal life I still don't lose weight. My thyroid is fine, others experiencing the same issues have said theirs is too.

This doesn't affect all women. It was the same for both my paternal and maternal grandmothers, but my mother has remained like a twig into her seventies, she's never gained weight even though she has never been as active as me. This thread shows though that lots of us are experiencing the same phenomenon - after years of being slim, eating healthily, maintaining a sensible weight, we get to menopause and something drastically shifts. I honestly wouldn't have believed it if I'd read this thread a couple of years ago. I'd have thought women were probably not actually exercising as much as they claimed, or were mainlining wine and having too much cake. Now I get it completely. The old certainties are gone, and it's quite a shock.

I thought most women got fat many years ago. Whatever their age, so many chunky people. Am confused to find a bunch of always skinnies only meno made us fat community.

My thyroid is fine too, have regular blood tests and vits and mins are pretty bad but everything else is good. Agree there's a problem somewhere, needs more research for us.

I don't want this to sound judgemental or critical, I'm just genuinely curious about the answer. For those who are fasting or severely restricting calories, if you had a daughter would you want her to do this when she hits this stage of life?

Of course I wouldn’t want it for either of my DD’s. I don’t want it for me either. But I also feel utterly miserable being heavy and flabby. And I find it painful on my joints. So for me it’s a choice between two miseries I suppose.

There are some women who sail through menopause without weight gain. For the rest of us, the most convenient and effective way to deal with it is to blag the weight loss injections, stay on the lowest dose, perhaps used intermittently.

Yes this is against all the current prescription guidance but I genuinely believe that it will be best practice in the very near future.