Don't understand 100% joint finances

[Lorendo]

I know I'll get flamed for this but I don't get it when couples only have joint finances and nothing separate.

Me and DH have a joint account to cover joint expenses (house, cars childcare) etc. We each put same in each month as earn similar.

We also have joint saving pots for certain things where we put certain amount into eg holiday, emergency fund, kids stuff.

That's it. Anything left stays in our separate personal accounts for whatever we please.

This seems like a logical way to do it. All joint obligations are sorted together but we still retain independence with what's left.

A friend of mine only does joint. She only works part time so a different situation to us but husband monitors every penny in and out. If she buys something he doesn't agree with or that she didn't clear with him first, he brings it up.

I told her my arrangement and she just said 'yes well we like to manage all the money together, as a team'. Right ok, sounds more like financial abuse than team work but hey ho

The majority of issues around finances are not only about is it shared or not. It is about is your husband a decent caring man to you

We do not have joint finances, but no kids. It works very well for us. We transfer money when required every few weeks. We do have a joint account for the mortgage but prefer to keep the rest separate. My DH earns slightly more than me but pays for a bit extra like dinners out.

Married for 37 years. Always had a joint account, which I manage. My husband has never questioned me, ever.

We do it the way you do - when we first moved in together we were certainly not at 'full shared finances' stage and we just kept it this way. We earn fairly similarly and we discussed going to a fully shared finances model but neither of us particularly liked the idea - feels funny to me, the idea of someone being able to see what I spend my money on, like having my diary read! Not that I'm buying anything exciting, TBH. I think entirely joint finances feels a bit old fashioned, although I'm not sure why.

Neither of us goes without anything, mind you. If one of us wanted something bigger that we didn't have the money for, the other would probably just buy it for them anyway, so it's not like one of us is getting to the week before payday counting their riches while the other scrapes around for coppers to pay for parking at work.

I think when people talk about ‘joint money’ they’re not necessarily meaning in the ‘only one pot sense’ , but more the thought that it’s all both of yours. So, your friend doesn’t actually have ‘joint’ as he thinks it’s his money, whereas you actually do have ‘joint’ because you both understand that it’s both your money and you’d share if needed. I think very many people would say ‘joint’ when they are probably putting in to a joint, but divvyong up the remainder 50/50 in to personal accounts for personal spends. That’s still ‘joint’.

We have no joint account but both of our accounts in our own names are considered family money. We pay different bills and neither of us track each others spending.

The same system has been working well for me and DH for 52 years!

We have always had joint accounts and still never felt that either of us lacks financial freedom.

well spot on...we keep separate accounts but we are not dick heads. Both of do not like spending on crap or vanities, so the family does not go without....when he is in the red, she shows me his bank account and I send him some amount over. When I was without work, he just gave me all the money I needed for my women's coffees and dresses and whatever

Each to their own but we do exactly what you do and it’s never been an issue.

The issue with that situation is the financially abusive man, not the system. He’d be the same regardless of the system.

We put everything into the one pot then divvy from there. Bills account, account for the kids costs, general expenses account, separate personal spends accounts (we get the exact same money for spends each month) then savings accounts. DH prefers the separate personal spends accounts because he’s a fritterer - takeaway coffee, magazines, random tools from the middle aisle at Aldi - whereas I tend to do the odd bigger thing and he felt I may spend larger amounts freely even though he spent more overall. He also insisted on the kids account as his late first wife often spent her spends on DS1 and he wanted to be sure that my money was mine for me.

We do 100% joint finances. Happily married for 25 years. Only thing we have separate is ISAs as they have to be individual but we have similar amounts in them and still count them as joint money.
We never run any purchases by the other one, unless it’s something major/very expensive. We trust each other and have similar attitudes to money.

I think it's one of those if it works for you things you find it really hard to see why you'd need to do it another way. I have to try really hard to see the attraction of your scenario.. why you have to have money in a separate account to spend it - we just put it all in one pot and I spend what I want when I want to. But I can see how you've got to your conclusion - although I think the idea that one arrangement is more 'modern' is laughable.

Financially abusive arses are another matter altogether and exist in both sets ups - their key lever being the higher earning partner and restricting lower earners access to money.

I recently learned that my parents (married 55 years) have never had a joint account. Still all money is joint. They have added each other to their several personal accounts (in case something happens). But there are so many variations on how to split finances.

I also think there might be a bit of a terminology issue with what is joint and separate money. Also there is a difference if you're 19 when you got married or if you're in your mid 50's, third marriage and both have two children from previous relationships. Money will likely be handled differently.

We do 100% joint, apart from ISAs but that’s our money too. It’s so straight forward.

We have a joint current account. We keep it at a specific balance and the excess goes into our joint savings automatically.

We also have separate savings.

DH does not check or monitor my activity. I tend to deal with life admin, paying for tradesmen's work and subbing uni DC rent. I don't earn as much as he does but he'd never say I couldn't buy myself something unless I was recklessly overspending, which I've never done, It's about being a grown up.

no financial abuse here - we have 100% joint because it’s easier. Neither of us needs to remember to transfer money over, or check there’s enough money if a bill is late or more than it needs to be, no having to figure out who owes what and who needs to pay what, and neither of us monitor what the other is spending or give each other grief about it.

maybe it works because we both work FT and earn pretty much the same amount. Also my DP gets paid weekly so being separate would be a lot of agg of him transferring every week and his pay fluctuates slightly every week.

We pool everything and monitor all our spending. We discuss what we’re buying as general chit chat, and occasionally one or other might suggest deferring a purchase if there’s a bill due, or we have a saving goal. But mostly we’re just fairly aligned on what’s reasonable.

I do what you do OP. DH earns more but he has a spreadsheet (lol) that calculated how much we each proportionally put into our joint account each month for bills and joint expenses like kids clothes etc. At times when one partner hasn't worked, the other has still transferred their portion of spending money into their single account. It's all fair, based on earning amounts, but we have separate savings and no view on what the other spends money on, as that all happens in our personal accounts. I'd hate DH to see everything I spend money on - seems kinda controlling to me and I prefer having my own money and control over it.

I have a few friends where they split things 50/50 including meals out etc. Maybe they don't have a joint account at all that they pool at least some money into? This always seems so inconvenient and impractical to me. To be constantly totting up who owes who what.

We've always had joint finances, works perfectly for us. No one checking what each other spends and just discuss bigger purchases. Easy.

All our money is in joint accounts. I wouldn’t want to organise our finances any other way. I couldn’t imagine thinking of “my” money and “his” money. If one of us wants to buy something, we buy it. No need for a discussion unless it’s a big purchase (a car or something like that). But we’re both careful about spending and neither of us has extravagant tastes. I suppose if one partner spent recklessly and the other saved every penny, there could be an imbalance leading to resentment. Fortunately, that has never been an issue for us.

Ours are completely joint & transparent.

All income goes into the joint current account and all bills & spending go out of it. We have a joint CC but again, that is paid off by DD out of the joint current account.
Savings are split between the two of us equally, we would add to PB's & ISA's to ensure both of us used our annual allowances. When my OH received an inheritance, it went into the pot and was put away & invested across both our names.

It’s only controlling if they actively check what you spend money on and feel like they have some control over it (and vice versa). DH couldn’t care less what I spend. He doesn’t go through our statements checking transactions. I also couldn’t care less what he spends. Neither of us are controlling the other.

Absolutely, we just have a joint account, and don't scrutinise each other - its our money, jointly, as is everything.