Don't understand 100% joint finances

[Lorendo]

I know I'll get flamed for this but I don't get it when couples only have joint finances and nothing separate.

Me and DH have a joint account to cover joint expenses (house, cars childcare) etc. We each put same in each month as earn similar.

We also have joint saving pots for certain things where we put certain amount into eg holiday, emergency fund, kids stuff.

That's it. Anything left stays in our separate personal accounts for whatever we please.

This seems like a logical way to do it. All joint obligations are sorted together but we still retain independence with what's left.

A friend of mine only does joint. She only works part time so a different situation to us but husband monitors every penny in and out. If she buys something he doesn't agree with or that she didn't clear with him first, he brings it up.

I told her my arrangement and she just said 'yes well we like to manage all the money together, as a team'. Right ok, sounds more like financial abuse than team work but hey ho

We do the same as you OP. Each paid into our own accounts, transfer an amount into a joint account for bills then the rest is kept separate. How do you even have a ‘joint’ ISA? DH and I both max out our ISA’s each year and they can’t be held in joint names so that wouldn’t work. Plus we have stocks and shares we manage ourselves. I don’t need, or want, his input into which funds I invest in and he feels the same.

In my case if this happened I’d still have access to (more than) half our savings which are in my name for tax reasons.
Every one of our bills comes out on payday, including the money that is sent to our savings and investments, so even if he decided to run off with the contents of the joint account there is never more in there than one months worth of our ‘spare’ money, so it wouldn’t get him too far.

We’ve had joint everything for nearly 40 years. My husband earns more than me.There is no judgement re spending as we both have the same stance with money. Neither of us like waste or debt and trust each other as adults to behave maturely with money. Has worked brilliantly so far.

You’re being unreasonable because you’re not comparing similar situations - one of them is financially abusive. I could compare my situation of completely joint to a situation where it’s split and the person on maternity leave has no access to money but that wouldn’t be representative of most couples who have separate finances - it would be financially abusive too. different methods will work for different people - for us, we are a team and we have two small children so we value time with them as much as paid work. DH works much longer hours and earns significantly more but he acknowledges this wouldn’t be possible without the flexibility of my role. I probably make more financial decisions than him and we contribute to a separate pension for me but we have similar attitudes and financial goals. I can’t understand being a man/woman who wanted to hoard money and not have equal access - feels a bit like they’re waiting for the divorce rather than building a life together!

I agree that the thought of completely joint finances isn’t something I’m comfortable with. I think it’s different if you have children though and one parent is on leave or earns less etc.

I’m married, but no kids. We have a joint bank account that we both pay a set amount into, every month, to cover the mortgage, bills, food shopping and any eating out/takeaways and things for the house. We also have a joint savings account that is for house expenses and a back up should the boiler go wrong etc.
Apart from that, our finances are completely separate. We have very different lifestyles and spending habits. I save monthly but am also quite impulsive and have the “treat yo’self, you work hard and only have one life mentality”. He will see something he likes and think it over for weeks before he buys it (even a small purchase of £30 or so). We have our own savings accounts, own credit cards etc. If we go on holiday, we each pay our share etc. It works for us. I can imagine we’d be divorced if all our money was pooled together!

1. My parents or siblings would immediately and without doubt lend me money, as I would to them.
2. My work would be able to advance me three months wage for unexpected hardship.
3. HIS parents would be so embarrassed about his behaviour that they would probably advance me the money.
4. Presumably I could just put stuff on a credit card for the few weeks until I got paid.
5. I make enough to finance our life so this would only be an issue for the three weeks till the next payday.

We have “joint” finances, in that we both have access to the same accounts.
However, my husband cannot access the children’s accounts (it was simpler for me to set them up for him) and he cannot access my business account for insurance purposes.
I can’t access his personal account. He earns nearly 4x what I do, so he pays the mortgage, cars, gas, electric etc. my money is used for holidays and food shopping.
And we make it work. Anything I want to buy that’s really pricey/expensive I usually run it through him first. Example; I wanted to take a holiday in May 1/2 term. It was a good deal, but my husband is trying to save for something else and actually it’s a good idea, so we’re saving the money for that instead.

Well my income is 0 and DH’s is £85k. It would be a bit mean of him to have separate finances 😂 we chuck an equal amount of money in our solo accounts for fun spending monthly and everything else is joint.

We have our own accounts, been married nearly 25 years. We have a joint one we never use. DH pays the mortgage and fixed costs, I pay for food, the kids’ stuff etc - we earn roughly the same but I’m self employed so mine is more erratic.
I love having my own money. If I want to spunk £200 on a nice dress I don’t feel I have to justify it whatsoever and same with him.
if disaster struck then of course we would pool funds but in the meantime this way works much better for us

And if he stopped paying those bills? How would you know?

We do joint but with own personal accounts for personal spending. He earns double what I do. Both salaries pooled on pay day - all joint spending and savings go into joint account. The remaining is split 50/50 and transferred to our personal accounts so we can spend and save as we each wish. If I want to spend my money on my friends hen do, that has nothing to do with him and vice versa. Think that's important in a relationship!

I think you just do the thing that suits you? We think of all our salary income as ‘joint’ and make most decisions jointly. It makes sense for all that to live in a joint account. Then we just hive off an equal amount each month for our personal spends that we can do anything we want with. If either of us gets a work bonus it also goes into the joint pot. I think we started operating like that when we first bought a house and money was tight so it made sense to have an overview of everything. I would find it faffy and potentially unequal if we had to work out who was paying for what but clearly lots of people with separate finances have arrangements that work fine for them too 🤷🏽‍♀️

I agree OP. Can't understand why anyone would do 100% joint finances, everyone should have autonomy over their own finances. Every single couple i know that does joint finances has had significant disagreements when one makes financial decisions the other one doesn't agree with. We have the same arrangement as you and no plans to change it.

Joint finances is just another form of financial abuse. If you have to share the money you earn with a man who didn't earn it then it's not really yours to begin with. What is even the point of working and being financially productive? It doesn't strike me as feminist behaviour. Gives me the ick.

I have the same set up. We have joint account for our joint expenses, joint savings for family things and then our own account. If nothing else it’s nice that my husband doesn’t see transactions for things like his birthday and Christmas presents. It works for us because we earn a similar amount so nobody is worse off than the other

100% joint. I think you’d be less keen if you had an earnings disparity to do it your way OP. We have joint goals and tend to agree on the big stuff but sometimes disagree on the smaller.

I couldn’t be doing with trying to work out what was joint v personal. Eg day out with the kids where I got lunch and a train ticket, something for the garden etc.

That is a massive stretch. It can be but absolutely isn’t in my case. My husband earns much more than me - we were much closer pre children. I think it would be a sad state of affairs if a higher earner in a partnership only ever wanted to pay for things for themselves. You get into a ridiculous situation where one can have lots of holidays and frivolous spending while the other doesn’t.

Ok, so in my scenario my husband earns a lot more than I do. We were both high earners, but our third child was born profoundly disabled and I had to leave work for a while to care for him. I’m now back at work but have scaled back my career to continue to care for our son, so DH earns significantly more than I do. We have joint day to day finances… all money goes into one pot. Savings and investments are in separate names for tax reasons. More in my name as I earn much less and therefore can earn more interest before paying tax on it. So I guess I’m the one financially abusing him here?

Hi OP. Not sure what you don't understand about joint finances.
We did this and it was a no brainer.

It was simple and founded on trust. We did not question what the other spent money on as we knew it would be sensible. We consulted each other over any planned bigger or unusual expenditure

It made things very simple when he died.

I can't understand couples where one is well off and the other struggling, or where one has to borrow money off the other. If one on the couple is financially controlling/abusive that's a different matter

I can't believe that couples might function like this!

All our money is “joint” in a technical sense but I couldn’t stand having a “one pot” system with my DH. We have completely different spending habits. Unless you have loads of spare money idk how you know the joint account will cover all expenses without having to discuss things. Or if you have none so nobody buys anything that isn’t absolutely essential.

Some do. I know a couple where he earns a lot but she always has to wait for her payday before she can afford to pay for anything

We did not question what the other spent money on as we knew it would be sensible

This is where DH and I would fall down. He buys stupid things. I, on the other hand, am eyeing up a trio of ceramic ducks.

We have separate finances. No joint account ever. Been together 34 years, married for 23 of those. And yes, we're very much a team.