Don't understand 100% joint finances

[Lorendo]

I know I'll get flamed for this but I don't get it when couples only have joint finances and nothing separate.

Me and DH have a joint account to cover joint expenses (house, cars childcare) etc. We each put same in each month as earn similar.

We also have joint saving pots for certain things where we put certain amount into eg holiday, emergency fund, kids stuff.

That's it. Anything left stays in our separate personal accounts for whatever we please.

This seems like a logical way to do it. All joint obligations are sorted together but we still retain independence with what's left.

A friend of mine only does joint. She only works part time so a different situation to us but husband monitors every penny in and out. If she buys something he doesn't agree with or that she didn't clear with him first, he brings it up.

I told her my arrangement and she just said 'yes well we like to manage all the money together, as a team'. Right ok, sounds more like financial abuse than team work but hey ho

100% joint finances here as well, we don’t question eachothers expenses but we also have the same sense of how much we can roughly spend without discussing it first.
It has been working for us for almost 20y

It harks back to the days when women didn’t work. Bit old fashioned these days, but I can see why it would be needed if one partner isn’t working.

We have joint finances because we have a joint life.

Yes maybe when one partner isn't working although don't understand why people do that. I've always wanted my financial independence

Most of our purchases go on a joint credit card which gets paid off every month. The only time DH has questioned a purchase on it is when he doesn’t recognise the name of the store etc and just wants to make sure it’s not fraudulent purchase.

Its the questioning of the purchases not the joint account that is the problem @Lorendo

Totally joint here. As pp said, your money is his money on divorce anyway. What’s the point separating it out? Neither of us are dicks about what the other wants to spend money on. Neither of us fritters money away.

You are only being unreasonable as you seem to think there are only two options. My husband and I have one bank account - well two as we have a savings account as well. All our money goes in and out of there. We both know where we are and what we have left. We make decisions individually if it’s the amounts that would be reasonable for us and collectively if it’s something like a car or other large purchase.

It only becomes a bit silly when we used to get each other gifts. Now we just get little things and buy what we want ourselves.

I understand how you do it so hopefully you can try to understand what works for me!

What would you do if your DH ran out of money due to illness or unemployment or some other situation?

Joint finances are completely fine and have always worked well for us but neither my husband nor I behave like a dick about it.

Completely joint and never questioned regarding spending - he earns far more than me. I will receive an inheritance soon (currently in probate) and it will also go into the joint account. A couple we know have separate finances (close enough to be told details) and she is always scrabbling around for money whilst he treats himself - I recognise it as financial abuse because my parents were similar.

All people are different, and all circumstances are different. I didn’t work for a while as my youngest is profoundly disabled and there was absolutely no child care available for him. I was also only getting 2 hours sleep a night due to his needs, so working was impossible. I’m back at work now, but earn far less than I did before he was born. You don’t really have to ‘understand’ why people do things differently to you, it’s irrelevant to you.

DH earns more than I do but we have joint account and separate accounts too. Basically, all our salary gets paid into the joint account and each of us transfer the same amount into our individual accounts.
The rest in the joint account pays all the bills, family savings, holidays, meals out, food, everything basically.
Over time, both of us have built up individual savings from the amount we transfer to our personal accounts because we’re just not spenders but having a separate account where I can decide to save what I get monthly to maybe buy myself a very expensive item that’ll be used exclusively by me, book a girls trip, or even just buying myself lunch at work without DH getting a debit alert is really nice.

We have everything joint and it works for us! We just have an agreement that we ask each other if we’re buying something over £100

Completely joint here , managed by me but nobody questions anyone’s spending , he spends very little anyway . No financial abuse from either side here and I’ve never felt the need to be financially independent of my husband .

We have been married 30 odd years and never had joint bank accounts. Never needed to. My DH pays for everything. My earnings are my own to do what I like. If ever we chat about a big purchase (say like a fridge or something) it’s down to who has financial capacity and job done. We never argue - we are pretty much aligned and transparent and would give each other our last penny anyway.

I think it’s pretty narrow minded to not be open to the fact that what suits you isn’t automatically the right choice for everyone

We do fully joint finances. We both work FT and earn similar amounts. It all goes in one pot, mortgage etc all come out and we spend as we please. We don’t keep tabs on each other, if it was a big purchase then we would absolutely discuss it but there’s no my money or his money, it’s just our money.

Just because your friend has a financially controlling DH doesn't mean that the accounts they have their money in are the cause. If they had money in joint and separate accounts like you do her DH would still be financially controlling and she wouldn't have much money to put in her own accounts.

Don't confuse the two issues and think you're choice of accounts is the deciding factor. That's just ignorant.

Your lucky friend! You being judgemental and a husband watching her spending!

Everything goes in one pot. We know the amount for normal bills but then I work out what else we have on that month and then we both get allocated same amount of spends to do with as we please.

All our money is joint. I still have financial independence. I don't ask DH's permission to spend money and he doesn't comment on what I choose to buy.

It works because we have a similar approach to money. Neither of us are big spenders and we have enough money for what we want.

Totally agree OP. The idea of totally joint finances makes me shudder. "What's mine is yours and what's yours is mine" is a level of love or trust that I will never get to.

We have mainly joint but we have savings in my name, as I’m low paid, so it’s better for tax. We obviously have pensions in our own names.
He earns practically all our money and I generally spend it. No one’s checking anything ! Other than basic good fiscal management like not getting over drawn, putting money in savings etc. I can’t imagine going ‘are you paying for this bill, that school trip etc’ it’s just done automatically, or by either of us out of our money .
But we have been together since university so maybe that’s made it easier as we weren’t established financially before we met.

I do get the idea about shared finance but my husband never wanted one shared account but has always given me as much money I want or need including paying for everything. When I restarted work he never asked me to cover anything but I covered it anyway and keep the rest in savings on my name. Not sure is my husband dick but ....whatever it is, is...cannot change my husband now, nor myself. I am glad I have somewhere to live, someone reasonably intelligent to talk to and he is very caring when I am ill for example. I have heard here horror stories about husband getting vile when the wife is ill or loses a job or etc....I can be all day, every day home and do absolutely what I want. He will keep paying the bills without a grudge, I get him shopping list, toiletries list, ladies pads list, anything, all bought and done....

We're very aligned and very open about spending habits so I feel completely free to spend as I wish despite 100% joint. Neither of us keeps tabs on the other, in fact, we both encourage the other to spend more. For tax reasons, we do have ISAs which are not joint but even those are allocated in practicality so he has more as I'm a higher earner.