Don't understand 100% joint finances

[Lorendo]

I know I'll get flamed for this but I don't get it when couples only have joint finances and nothing separate.

Me and DH have a joint account to cover joint expenses (house, cars childcare) etc. We each put same in each month as earn similar.

We also have joint saving pots for certain things where we put certain amount into eg holiday, emergency fund, kids stuff.

That's it. Anything left stays in our separate personal accounts for whatever we please.

This seems like a logical way to do it. All joint obligations are sorted together but we still retain independence with what's left.

A friend of mine only does joint. She only works part time so a different situation to us but husband monitors every penny in and out. If she buys something he doesn't agree with or that she didn't clear with him first, he brings it up.

I told her my arrangement and she just said 'yes well we like to manage all the money together, as a team'. Right ok, sounds more like financial abuse than team work but hey ho

Right? Madness 😂

Because most of us are working in the assumption that marriage is a team sport.

Usually if one person is working less its because of other responsibilities they're picking up for the family or due to health. In that case, why should they have less money?

We do exactly the same as you OP. He can spunk his left over money on expensive car parts and I can spaff mine on coffee and cake. Both happy!

By the same scale how would people look in the mirror knowing they are too idle to work full time but want a luxury life and get someone else to pay for it

And as I said sometimes it's through choice.

Not sure that's the word I would use to describe a SAHM.

My marriage would've been an absolute disaster with a joint account. Although he earned slightly more I had more expenses as was supporting 2 kids. He was totally irresponsible with no ey.

If we had a joint account he'd have spent the lot before the bills had been paid and my kids would have gone hungry

The one working long hours would still likely be relying on the other partner picking up the slack that they can't do (shopping, food, house maintenance, kids, admin).

People can do what they like. I really don't care. But joint makes sense for us.

And where was I speaking about SAHMs. Stop putting words in my mouth and read my posts properly

You didn't specifically mention SAHM, but you used the word subsidized.

And if the 70 hours person lived alone they'd still have to do this stuff.

Yes people who could work more and choose not to then want the lifestyle someone else is slogging their guts out for.

So where did you get SAHMs from

I could chose to work more.

Everything joint. We moved in together straight out of uni into first proper jobs earning pretty much the same. Everything was equal because it made sense and it’s stayed that way ever since even with income changes and marriage, children, house, redundancy etc.

Where has anyone given you an example where one of the partnership/marriege wants a luxury life and not work full time and get someone else to pay for it?

Bringing up the family. Looking after the home. Cooking. Cleaning. Insurance. Family issues. School Issues. Birthdays. Christmas. Elderly parents. Hospital. Doctors. Dentist. Clothing. Shopping

The list is endless but its about equality and if someone deems someone to be too idle to share their income my guess is they have bigger problems in their relationship than finances.

Of course there are situations where one earns so much they get happiness from allowing their partner to not work so hard. Again, as long as this is done in an equal manner (Pensions, financial control etc) then this is fine.

I didn't necessarily mean that everything has to be lumped in to a joint account, I just mean that neither should have more money to spend on luxuries than the other. If your husband was that bad with money then he's not being a team player either, hopefully he recognised he was bad with money and you two had a system that worked and was fair to everyone

I earn twice my husband. I encouraged him to go part time to allow a career change. I love that I can facilitate him having a great job he enjoys and us both enjoying a good life. We both benefit from his extra day at home too.

Well that's you. I certainly wouldn't be slogging my guts out for someone who CBA to work and had no good reason not to

Yeah it was called trying my best to get a household contribution on payday 50/50 and then divorcing him thankfully before his bankruptcy. Luckily as such a short married the divorce put us is same financial position as when we married

We both choose for me not to work!

I'm sorry for whatever you've been through that's made this such a sensitive topic for you.

That's fine. And it's also fine for me to choose not to pay for another adult

It is - but my husband (thankfully) doesn't look at things like that.

Yeah gets you a free ride

This, op you are using an extreme example to say why it is bad.

Me and my partner have 100% joint finances but it works perfectly for us as we are both very happy with each other spending money. We both have similar spending habits which I think is important for this to work, if you had one partner who was a hardcore saver and one a big spender then it would be tough and obviously if there is financial abuse it doesn't work.