Don't understand 100% joint finances

[Lorendo]

I know I'll get flamed for this but I don't get it when couples only have joint finances and nothing separate.

Me and DH have a joint account to cover joint expenses (house, cars childcare) etc. We each put same in each month as earn similar.

We also have joint saving pots for certain things where we put certain amount into eg holiday, emergency fund, kids stuff.

That's it. Anything left stays in our separate personal accounts for whatever we please.

This seems like a logical way to do it. All joint obligations are sorted together but we still retain independence with what's left.

A friend of mine only does joint. She only works part time so a different situation to us but husband monitors every penny in and out. If she buys something he doesn't agree with or that she didn't clear with him first, he brings it up.

I told her my arrangement and she just said 'yes well we like to manage all the money together, as a team'. Right ok, sounds more like financial abuse than team work but hey ho

We moved to joint finances when we had a child and we later got married. Neither of us would spend lots on something without a conversation but equally wouldn't suggest buying something we couldn't afford. We have very similar approaches to finances though which makes it easy. We aren't competitive about it either-if he buys something I don't feel I should buy something myself to make it 'fair'. He earns more than me as I work part time and have had time off to enable childcare but we don't keep score about any of that. We are financially a team with the goal of making sure we have enough money for everyone to be able to enjoy life, as far as our budget stretches. We are both quite risk averse and frugal though and our money discussions are more likely to involve encouraging the other to get what they want rather than restricting spending.

DH and I have been married for 38 years and have always had a joint account where both our salaries went into.When we got married DH earned more than twice as much as I did,but as far as we were concerned it was our money. I was a SAHM for 5 years and grateful we could manage one one salary.Neither of us are reckless with money.We have savings accounts ,bonds and ISAs in our own names.Now that we are retired ,my work pension goes into the joint current account as will DH’s state pension once he starts claiming it.

Well yes If they earn more why shouldn't they have more? They are also subsiding the lower earned by paying bigger percentage of bills

No of course they shouldn't!

But why? If someone is flogging their guts out 70 hours a week and their partner does 16 hours a week in an office why shouldn't the harder worker have more?

We do joint account and joint savings both wages go in 1 pot, then we each have the same amount of money per month for personal spending on whatever we please

If you are talking about bf/gf in a new relationship then your argument has some weight, if you are talking about husband/wife then it doesn't.

I work part time, although on maternity leave now and husband works full time so earns a lot more. We are married and see things equal so we both get same amount of spending per month.

Agreed!

We have 100% joint accounts and nobody has to check with anyone else before spending money. After a lifetime as partners, we have built financial trust in each other and there's no need to "ask" to spend our money.

If that's your attitude you're not really behaving like a team. Each to their own I suppose

Because the usual reason that one party is working fewer hours for less pay is because they’re taking on the bulk of the childcare and housework?
It’s funny, my DH earns way, way more than me but he’d never want me to have access to less money than he does. For a start, what would he do with it? Fly first class to our family holidays while I’m in economy? Wear designer clothes while I’m in Primark? Go out for solo expensive meals while I’m at home with beans on toast?
He earns more than me because I took a step back to care for our disabled son. He is happy for me to have full access to our family finances.

Exactly. Being a team isn't just about finances, it's your whole life together, working together to make life better for the whole family and that is far more than just the money that's coming in.

Not always the case. Sometimes people work less or lower paid jobs through choice

They still getting subsided as it would cost them much more to live without someone putting in a higher %

And what when the " kids" only belong to one person? Why should the others have to subsidy that

As someone else mentioned, we both have a standing order that comes out the day we both get paid. Husband’s is weekly, so he knows exactly what he has left to spend for the week. Mines monthly, so I then budget the remaining for the next four weeks. Can’t even begin to think how confused he would be if I then said oh no, you can’t spend this, as that’s actually my week three and four money 😂 he finds our finance confusing enough as it is, so this works best for us

I grew up in a 3 bedroom end terrace and my husband grew up in a house that in today's value is circa £6 million pounds.

Both him and his sister have been gifted high 7 figures, which is the sole reason we live in the house we do today.

Perhaps I should live in the shed at the bottom of the garden though?

Because it's meant to be a partnership.

Seems ridiculous for one partner to be driving a flash car, buying nice phones and indulging expensive hobbies if the other one has no spare cash left over or drives a shitty old banger because they can't afford a decent car.

Subsided - what a horrible word to describe a husband and wife.

I think once children come into play this has to be factored in. Is the one lazing around on 16 hours also doing night wakes and school picks up? Who manages the house? Is the person working weekends and night shifts able to do this because the other person minds the children? You’re dismissing so much work if you only count paid work.

But it is .

The fact of the matter is most people who work less hours, do more of the housework and childcare so there's a balance there. Of course there's people who take the piss and take advantage just like there are on the other side where sometimes the working/higher earning person is financially abusive

Exactly

How do people look in the mirror knowing their partner hasnt got access to the same money they have?

Seriously, how can you do that with someone you love? Does the same thing apply to your children? When you are buying dinner for the family are they only allowed to order at the same level as the lower income or are they allowed a % of your income too?

I really don't think it is the right word in anyway, shape or form.

I wasn't counting children was I. I was speaking about people who choose this

But speaking of children how does it work when the child is only one partners