To not reprimand staff for not smiling?

[squashedalmondcroissant]

I work as a manager in a catering/hospitality business, small local chain.

I had a call from a senior staff member about a negative review we were given online that essentially said they didn’t feel that the staff member on duty (not me) was smiley enough. I have now been tasked with pulling up this staff member on this.

I am very much not someone who is easily offended or quick to jump to misogyny but something about this feels..irritating to me. (The person complaining was a man and all the staff are women). They didn’t say the staff were rude, unpleasant or ignored them, just that were weren’t smiley and ‘welcoming’. I know the staff member and they are always polite and helpful but they do have a bit of a ‘resting bitch face’ when not intentionally grinning like a Cheshire Cat!

Something about this is rubbing me up the wrong way. It seems the main complaint is the staff not smiling while doing her job perfectly competently. Should I reprimand her for this? I understand that when customer facing sometimes you need to fake it a bit but is just her natural face position so offensive to someone that she should be forced to plaster on a fake smile? I’m torn!

I stayed in a premier inn just this past weekend and another customer told one of the staff to smile because it was ruining his experience. This staff member was just telling him where the guest services was to refill on essentials and was very friendly, and even said if you need any more help just let me know I'm happy to help, and he just stomped off.

Sometimes I do just think some people will pick faults with anything simply because they have a bone to pick.

Speak to the staff member and get the full story, but don't single her out for comms. Everybody should be aware that they're responsible for making their guests feel welcome, but equally know that as a manager you've got their back when things feel unfair.

My last boss was always telling me to smile more. The more someone tells you to smile the less you feel like smiling. Some of us have naturally serious faces. It doesn't mean we're not a great job.

It is possible this staff member is not aware of how their demeanour comes across. No one wants fake smiles and ‘have a nice day’ but just a genuine smile and hello when you greet someone can make all the difference.

Ironically, in therapy he's quite likely to be taught the fact that the physical act of raising the corners of your lips in a smile produces feel-good hormones in your brain.

But people working with the public should have mastered the ‘totally fake but looks real’ smile. It sucks but it’s part of the job.

If the employee is unaware then the OP should raise it anyway. She herself said the woman had a resting bitch face. She also said the complaint was that the woman wasn’t ’smiley and welcoming’ which isn’t the same as ‘smile love it might never happen’.

Being helpful is great but surely someone who manages hospitality staff understands that ‘welcoming’ guests requires a smile (which is why I don’t work in hospitality anymore 😬)

The OP said she had resting bitch face. it isn’t a judgement FFS - ‘manipulating women’s bodies’ is actually a ridiculous comment.

So you can’t feel someone is unwelcoming without being misogynistic? I hate the ‘cheer up love’ shit but this is someone in a hospitality job (the clue being in the name).

What if a female customer made the same complaint?

lol this reminds me of when I worked in America and my employer’s staff induction book said “always smile, showing at least six teeth.” The manager who wrote the book was a woman by the way.

But yes in general it’s not too much to expect those in customer service roles to smile. RBF isn’t really an excuse because surely your face is not “resting” when you’re interacting with customers.

I’d say that’s quite unusual. When you’re dealing with the public, it should be automatic to smile at them during an interaction, especially in hospitality! Male or female, btw - there’s no misogyny here.

You were wrong to do so. A lack of smiling does not mean sullen.

Is smiling essential for a welcome? Can you welcome without one?

Not smiling does not equal looking miserable! You can look alert and engaged without a smile.

You don't have to single her out. Next team meeting, just remind everyone you work in hospitality and remember to smile, be pleasant or whatever, if you feel the need to address it at all.

I never do complain, but was nearly moved to do so at a large London venue. No, I don’t want manic grinning but a stony-faced reception and not looking customers in the eye impacts one’s experience. You just feel like cattle being herded along.

A polite pleasant expression is fine. Staff who look like they really don’t want to be there ensure I, the customer, won’t be back.

No reprimand necessary- you could pass on the advice to smile when serving customers to all staff members though.
I was asked nicely by my boss to smile more when working in hospitality many years ago - I did try and I didn’t take it very personally, but if I’d been reprimanded it would have been really upsetting.

Yes, you can't make someone welcome without the hint of a smile. A huge beaming smile isn't necessary, but it's impossible to project warmth without some form of a smile.

It's interesting that all your staff are women.
I've worked in customer facing jobs and to not greet customers with warmth is unusual, to say the least. Men were also expected to greet customers appropriately (we were a diverse workplace with women AND men, crazy).
ETA Is the staff member from Eastern Europe or Russia? I think culturally they are less smiley. But they can!

I do think that in the hospitality business or indeed anywhere public facing it’s a two way thing. Yes staff should also be welcoming but as a customer I feel I should make an effort too, to be polite, appreciative and respectful. Too many people think they don’t need to be.

It doesn’t have to be a huge false grin, but greeting someone with RBF isn’t conducive to hospitality

I really don’t care that you don’t believe me and I didn’t say he was giving excellent customer service just like the OP didn’t say whether the woman was giving excellent customer service.

men get pulled up all the time. I’m sorry it doesn’t fit your narrative

That’s the nature of customer service though. The employee has to behave in a certain way but sadly the customer doesn’t.

It wasn't, it was an older male.

Of course there are many ways to be unwelcoming. And there are many reason to feel unwelcome. And many people will feel unwelcome despite dest efforts to welcome them.

But in the context of this scenario it was an older man complaining about a woman not smiling at him enough. And complaining on a public forum which is just lousy. I'm suprised he lacked the self-awareness to realise how it would be interpreted by anyone reading it. The OP shouldn't add legitimacy to his complaints by giving the staff member anything approaching a reprimand.

Hospitality is usually low pay and antisocial hours, short notice rotas... often the staff can't afford to eat at the places themselves. I have worked in bars where a pint would be the best part of my hourly wage. Terms and conditions often aren't great. The idea that you are expected to be constantly "on" to not only do the job role well but also beam at the sort of older man who tries to pull rank and publicly shame a woman - who OP says is competent, polite and helpful - for not smiling at him enough during a 5 minute interaction is insulting.

this reminds me of once I had a guy ask me out when I was on kiosk in a supermarket. I believe I had been smiling, I was very smiley and chipper at work just to bear the boredom of the job.Maybe he took it as flirting or whatever and the smiles stopped when he held up the line trying to persuade me to give him my number.

he went directly to customer services and the magazine spoke to me saying there had been a complaint I had been rude and abrupt with him.

I’d had a few incidents in my life where smiling had been interrupted as an invitation to men. I remember thinking what the fuck am I supposed to do either way I’m upsetting customers!?

so if it’s something like this definitely back your staff member. It also may be age dependent, this was a regular problem for me when I was young and slim (and dare I say attractive) but now I’m older and fatter and tired with no makeup anymore it’s no longer a problem. But as you say she’s generally not a smiley person I would frame it as training for everyone that appearing to enjoy your job and the interactions it’s important part of customers feeling welcome.

That’s quite the stretch. If he wanted to publicly shame her he would have mentioned it to her at the time. Should people not complain about an inadequate welcome? Or is it just that men can’t complain?

The clue is in the name, ‘hospitality’.

He felt she was unwelcoming. But because she is a woman and he was a man, everyone is assuming it’s misogynistic.

Well considering OP describes her as having a resting bitch face

my guess is the greeting face of the company is stood there with a face like a smacked arse
to welcome you in

but rather than putting resting bitch face or face like a smacked arse he said she wasn’t smiling

its pretty standard in any customer facing job to be smiley and welcoming