To not reprimand staff for not smiling?

[squashedalmondcroissant]

I work as a manager in a catering/hospitality business, small local chain.

I had a call from a senior staff member about a negative review we were given online that essentially said they didn’t feel that the staff member on duty (not me) was smiley enough. I have now been tasked with pulling up this staff member on this.

I am very much not someone who is easily offended or quick to jump to misogyny but something about this feels..irritating to me. (The person complaining was a man and all the staff are women). They didn’t say the staff were rude, unpleasant or ignored them, just that were weren’t smiley and ‘welcoming’. I know the staff member and they are always polite and helpful but they do have a bit of a ‘resting bitch face’ when not intentionally grinning like a Cheshire Cat!

Something about this is rubbing me up the wrong way. It seems the main complaint is the staff not smiling while doing her job perfectly competently. Should I reprimand her for this? I understand that when customer facing sometimes you need to fake it a bit but is just her natural face position so offensive to someone that she should be forced to plaster on a fake smile? I’m torn!

You're fixated on the 'smiley' when you should be concentrating on the 'not welcoming enough'.

I've worked with the public for 40+ years and being welcoming (which does involve smiling) is all part of the job.

For someone to take the time and effort to review, they must have not felt very welcomed by them.

I was trained to "smile you're on the telephone" years ago, and men got the same training. It really does make a difference to how warm you come across, even when someone can't see the smile.

I was always getting in trouble for this during my student waitressing days. People really don’t like women who don’t smile at them, it doesn’t matter how friendly you are. I couldn’t bring myself to fake smile at people (I mean, why would you smile for no reason?) so it was a recurring issue. Shame they just didn’t like my face 🤷‍♀️

Can you not just mention it in a whole staff meeting as a point of feedback to everyone to ensure when customers are about smile like you enjoy being there. Then it's not targeted.

And also why would you jump to 'reprimand' rather than 'quiet word' or 'reminder'?

I do think you're overthinking it.

You know your staff. If you have observed them undertaking their role happily and efficiently, then say that to your manager. Not “smiley enough” is subjective and I’m with you on its possible meaning. Probably means not giggly and fawning enough! I’d definitely say to your manager that the staff are meeting requirements and receive tips and praise (I’m sure they must!). This far outweighs one stupid comment.

I feel the same about men who serve or 'welcome' me.

This.

I am a mystery shopper for hospitality businesses. On nearly every report there is one question about your welcome and whether the member of staff was genuine, or going through the motions. Businesses expect to be told if a member of staff was surly, or had "resting bitch face" or anything else which made the welcome poor.

I don’t understand, you don’t like their faces?

Don't say
"Aright love, give us a smile, customers don't like to see a face like a slapped arse"

Do say
"We've had some customer feedback relating to how welcomed they felt when they visited. It's very important to the business that all customers are made to feel welcome, could I ask you to reflect on how they might be perceiving you"

I like both men and women smiling. Sullen men are just as unwelcoming

Is it actually possible to be polite and welcoming without smiling? If you're doing a job that involves greeting people and need to fake a smile, you probably should do something else.

I agree with PP, approach it as coaching, not reprimand.

Lol of course you don't 'understand' 🙄

You said "People really don’t like women who don’t smile at them".

And I replied "I feel the same about men who serve or 'welcome' me."

What's confused you enough to think I 'don't like their faces'?

See I would argue that there’s a big difference between “not being smiley” and “being sullen”. I agree that sullen people are not what you want to see in a service environment.

But either way, part of the review was that they weren't welcoming.

It doesn’t come naturally to me, and I feel very self conscious about grinning like a village idiot. It feels forced and uncomfortable.

My last sentence was “Shame they just didn’t like my face” so obviously I was going to assume that’s what you were replying to. I’m not psychic. You don’t need to immediately respond with rudeness and sarcasm. Your response was not clear.

Do you work with the public in the catering/hospitality business though, where you're expected to smile and welcome customers?

Please leave me alone and find someone else to pick on.

No, thank goodness. But that hasn’t spared me from inane comments about how I should smile once in a while

I would argue that she definitely isn’t sullen, her tone is not gruff she’s perfectly pleasant she doesn’t have a naturally ‘smiley’ face whereas I do. Maybe reprimand is the wrong word, I will try and frame is as being welcoming but the way the guy wrote the post very much seemed to imply she wasn’t smiley enough and that bugs me. I really feel 90% sure he wouldn’t have said anything if it was a man serving him.

Some men - usually older sexist ones - like to take offence if women (especially younger ones) do not smile and fawn over them. I have had this just on the street or in a shop, nothing to do with work. I had an older relative who complained when a waitress did not smile enough when answering his (nosy) questions. She was absolutely fine, polite and professional. In your shoes as manager I'd speak to her if I absolutely had to, but somehow phrase it that the customer was awkward and its not her fault.

I meant it to mean exactly the same

Oh you are funny @SleepingDogsLie and yes, I know you're probably not trying to be.

OP, why don't you just show the staff member the review and take the conversation from there?

For all you know, he may have been rude to her. There's no need to jump to 'reprimanding' until you've had a conversation.