To not reprimand staff for not smiling?

[squashedalmondcroissant]

I work as a manager in a catering/hospitality business, small local chain.

I had a call from a senior staff member about a negative review we were given online that essentially said they didn’t feel that the staff member on duty (not me) was smiley enough. I have now been tasked with pulling up this staff member on this.

I am very much not someone who is easily offended or quick to jump to misogyny but something about this feels..irritating to me. (The person complaining was a man and all the staff are women). They didn’t say the staff were rude, unpleasant or ignored them, just that were weren’t smiley and ‘welcoming’. I know the staff member and they are always polite and helpful but they do have a bit of a ‘resting bitch face’ when not intentionally grinning like a Cheshire Cat!

Something about this is rubbing me up the wrong way. It seems the main complaint is the staff not smiling while doing her job perfectly competently. Should I reprimand her for this? I understand that when customer facing sometimes you need to fake it a bit but is just her natural face position so offensive to someone that she should be forced to plaster on a fake smile? I’m torn!

I agree with a PP that it's less about not smiling and more about the lack of welcome. I don't think a smile is necessarily 100%. important to feel welcoming. Someone can greet you enthusiastically and politely without smiling, although Id' argue that a genuinely warm greeting WOULD naturally include a smile.

We've all been into shops and restaurants where the staff make you feel like they're doing you a massive favour just for showing you to a table. That's not welcoming and its inappropriate in this setting.

I do think this is part of the job in customer facing roles to be honest. If I go out for dinner and the waiter or waitress takes my order and brings the food out well but looks miserable the entire time it does impact the experience. It feels like you’re a hassle!

@SwanRiversOh definitely I will be getting her side of the story for sure! Customer lie all the time about how interactions go down, how long they had to wait, what time they came to collect orders, blah blah etc so it’s quite possible he was nasty first!

Agree with the person who said say it to the group rather than the individual. Remind everyone to be welcoming (which is important) rather than the smiley thing which could be the result or Botox for all the complainer knows.

I really feel 90% sure he wouldn’t have said anything if it was a man serving him.

You see I think in order to be professional, you need to go at it with a neutral mind.

You have no idea really until you speak to the staff member but seeing it firmly as sexist, because you've made your mind up that's what it was, isn't really helpful.

Of course there may have been sexism at play, but there may just as easily have not been.

Perhaps he was being a dick and that's why she didn't smile or welcome him.

Does head office really insist on a reprimand after ust one such review?

I'd have thought that either it's a really really bad review OR it's a consistent piece of feedback?

And I wouldn't say it to the group, I'd ask for a quiet word, show her the review and give her a chance to put her side forward.

I’m a retail manger - small business which requires the sales assistant to be hands on and help each customer.

Are you happy with your member of staff? Do you feel that they need to up the game when it comes to their welcome?

If this happened in my shop and I was happy with my staff member and had no issues then I would go back to head office and say that my member of staff is welcoming and approachable and give great customer service so I will not single her out to deliver the feedback. I would however say that I will do a refresher training session for all staff and inform them all that there has been a comment made on the welcome received by a customer. Then I would remind them all what is expected.

At the end of the day - our businesses don’t exist without customers. And with the way the high street is at the moment, returning customers make a huge difference to us so we want them to feel welcome and leave happy!! BUT - I have dealt with a few customer reviews over my years in retail which have greatly exaggerated the truth (and some just downright lies 🫠) so I’m not going to upset a good member of staff over something like that!!

I just can’t imagine a man being pulled up on lack of smiling

I work in customer service and greet customers with a smile but it is not normal to continue smiling for 10 hrs straight. There is nothing more irritating then men as its always men telling you to smile. I never get it said now im older but late teens early 20s men had an opinion on everything you are doing. Some Men always older men can be horrible and pervy to the young female staff.

@Millymollymandy4 exactly. Thats why I’m feeling conflicted. It was an older man leaving the comment which may or may not be relevant.

Agree. Welcoming is a combination of things. Eye contact, attention, pleasant tone of voice, words used, and yes, a smile of greeting, which isn't the same as a fixed grin, it's a brief expression that goes with the rest of it.
If I were you I'd observe her myself, focus on the whole package and then if necessary you can give specific feedback on things she could change that don't have to be about her natural face.

Whether or not the customer was correct, there is no harm in reminding staff to be welcoming - how your deliver that message is up to you.
I try to use independent shops but am always put off those where the staff barely look up, make no attempt to say hello (esp when I am the only customer) and generally look bored or make me feel like an inconvenience. This may not be how they intend to behave but if that is how they make me feel then they lose my custom.

I used to work hospitality and they most definitely did

I think you’re right to question it given what you know of the member of staff - I’d go back and ask customer what was it he didn’t get that he should of and if it’s only the able that’s so sus - did he get listened to - served in orderly fashion etc

im sorry I want to 🤢 about the whole situation

Aside i remember the male ceo at the charity I worked for asking me who was a women who I wanted to celebrate on women’s day and I said Janet street porter - he rejected it - he rejected my choice of icon!!! He just murmured and rejected it - not smiley and complaint to men enough!

Don’t do it OP - tell your boss you are not going to join in the harassment of women in your workplace

The expectation for women to smile, often directed by men, is a widely recognized social phenomenon often described as a form of social conditioning, politeness, or, in many cases, a microaggression or harassment.1, 2]

Here is a breakdown of the issue, based on social commentary and research:

Social Conditioning & Expectation: From a young age, girls are often praised for being pleasant and smiling, while boys are encouraged to be more stoic. This creates a "great divide" where women are socially conditioned to use smiling to defuse tension, appear approachable, or hide discomfort.

"Objectification" and Control: Telling a woman to smile is frequently seen as a way of reducing her to an object meant for male consumption, rather than a person with her own feelings. It can feel like an attempt to control a woman's body or emotional expression.

Context of Harassment: Many women report being told to "smile" by strangers on the street or in the workplace, which is often experienced as an intrusion or a demanding, condescending action rather than a friendly comment.

I think it would be mean to single someone out for the way they look. We can’t all smile all the time. Many of us have a resting bitch face.

On the other hand a PP has said well that the issue is to be welcoming. I think that this would need a half day on customer care and what we all want when we’re seeking a service in the service industry. Your staff are, of course, customers themselves outside work so it’s a useful exercise that everybody can think about. I remember very well indeed when I had my first customer care training. I thought it was a load of total bollocks as a concept but, I must admit that over the years since I have very much come to see the point.

In my view that would be the most tactful and the more productive way of dealing with this and would help the whole team.

When I think of good customer service I think of getting the right information - being dealt with swiftly and efficiently - not one iota of a smile is necessary

this is so misogynistic if you ask me - imagine a man doing the above - no smile needed

If I'm paying today's sky high prices I expect a smile not just efficiency.

You could even start a conversation on smiling and how the women feel about it

I remember a thread where an OP
made a similar complaint as a women about other women in a store - when the people on thread picked it apart the OP had built up the visit to the shop and was putting pressure on the women to welcome her as she was having a bad day!

Same, I did many years in hospitality. Smiling and a friendly greeting is essential for a positive customer experience. The best boss I ever had (my first boss) at a cake shop/cafe would always say to both the male and female staff ‘dazzle them with your smile so that they decide that today is a great day for cake!’. He treated us with so much respect, and always stood up for us against difficult customers.

I absolutely hate being greeted by a sullen, resting bitch face employee, who acts like they are doing me a favour by serving me. Or even worse, on their phones or ignoring you. It completely ruins the experience and I often don’t go back. Sometimes I just say ‘I’m ok thanks’ and walk out and don’t bother.

As more things move online, and the cost of living gets worse, retail and hospitality will need to make sure their customer service is up to scratch at all times.

OMG hospitality businesses are being crippled now and fighting over ever £1 in a customer’s pocket. If someone comes and spends their hard earned cash they deserve a big smile and a warm welcome. It’s in all your interests as customers have a lot of choice about where they go.

Most staff are pulled up (or spoken to) when they get a bad review.

If a man gets a bad review for not smiling and not making a customer feel welcomed, then of course they're going to get pulled up on it.

At least they have in just about every place I've worked.

absolutely hate being greeted by a sullen, resting bitch face employee, who acts like they are doing me a favour by serving me. Or even worse, on their phones or ignoring you

this isn’t what the OP has described - she has said the member of staff provides good service - it’s more about the elderly gentleman wanting the women to smile

Have you ever heard of a customer complaining because the man who served them well in every other respect didn’t smile?

I very much doubt it