AIBU to find constant hugging and saying ‘I love you’ unprofessional? (At work)

[theodextrey]

I work with this woman who is quite extroverted she enjoys hugging everyone daily (usually full frontal) and will say “I love you” to coworkers.

These people aren’t anyone she’s known a long time, I’ve worked there longer than her & she does this with almost everyone including new hires.

I am more introverted/quiet so these interactions make me feel kinda strange. To me, I only say I love you to people I am close to so I don’t understand it (I am on the spectrum)

We will be on group email or text and she will sign off “I love you!!! 🩷🩷🩷”

i know people are different but to me this seems inappropriate for the workplace (corporate) and makes me feel uncomfortable.
this woman will also disappear frequently throughout the day while she’s stopping and chatting with people (usually small talk that goes on too long)

is this unprofessional or am I being unreasonable?

I also want to add it makes me uncomfortable because if I’m standing there (we work on a team of two) while she’s hugging the coworkers, they then try to hug me, which I’m not a fan of, but it would make me seem cold in contrast to her for me to not participate.

I’ve never done this or seen it done at work. 🤷‍♀️

The only thing is it does take time out of the day with her going around hugging everyone.

she also isn’t this sweet bubbly delight with me behind closed doors in the building we are in together majority of the time

I'm afraid I'd have to vomit over her if she told me she loved me. How do the other colleagues react, or are they all of the same unctuous mindset?

OMG I would hate this - its hugely inappropriate & feels very manipulative.

Complain to HR & get them to tell her to keep her "love" & hugs to herself.

One of the senior workers just looked at her blankly and chuckled when she says it to her

the others seem receptive and engage with the full front squeezing, saying I love you back etc

it just makes me feel awkward and cold in contrast on the group chat when the previous text from my coworker to the people in the office was
“thank you gorgeous, love you🩷🩷”
and I have to begin the new message “good morning!, such and such”

I am very quiet, aside from professional greetings, a tiny bit of small talk most of what I speak about is work related when I do talk to these people.

If you are thinking off leaving anyway, why not cause a massive stir?

They can't fire you for objecting to this unprofessional invasive behaviour & it might just work out in your favour - at the elast you might get some nice long gardening leave.

Surely your colleagues aren't really happy with this?

There is nothing harmless about her behaviour.
It is causing this OP to feel uncomfortable. And I suspect she knows it.
And enjoys it. She has the manager in her influence.
Trust me, other people including those who do all the ‘love you’ back will hate it.

She can certainly look to move to a different part of the office ? Or a new job.
She should have clear work tasks. And focus on achieving those. And don’t do any work the hugger is supposed to do.
The OP should be polite but not show she is uptight about it.
Certainly repeat to her line manager if she starts being difficult.

Otherwise ignore it. Ignoring it will do her head in.

I might be off base, but could some of this be performative to make you feel left out? A bit of bullying/ostracising maybe? I have seen similar behaviour before and from some of your posts I'm getting this impression. Like she's desperate to show off to you what good friends she is with everyone, but there’s another aim, to dig at or unsettle you?

I’m definitely thinking about causing a stir if I decide to leave. I don’t know if it’s just me being on the spectrum I don’t understand why one would go around saying I love you to people who are acquaintances.

her behavior making me stressed adding up over the years has definitely made me irritated and ready to snap and quit 😪

I feel like if I were to say anything I’d be met with “but she’s so kind” these women in the office don’t spend long hours with her one on one throughout the week. She’s not this bubbly delight with me. I do think she’s attention starved though.

I’d hate this.

I think it could be! She has gotten rather irritated in the past hearing a coworker refer to me as sweet. I’ve also been at this company longer than her so perhaps she feels threatened.

I’ve also gotten unwanted attention from male delivery drivers (which I don’t like or enjoy) and maybe she’s jealous about that? I find the attention from these men gross and I dont like it. She will engage in long pointless conversations with them. She’s a married woman I’m not married.

The person who called her fake is correct. Really no need for this behaviour in an office setting.

She’s jealous you’re being called sweet as she thinks she is a queen bee type and should be the only one thought of as sweet. I’m sure a few others think she’s a right pita.

She wants to be Queen Bee

She sounds extremely weird and manipulative. And very unprofessional.

She also can be so mean talking about women who are conventionally attractive, picking out any minor flaw and being very, very critical.

But she will call women who aren’t conventionally attractive “gorgeous” and “beautiful”

I don’t like to talk about women’s looks, im just stating what she does, she does struggle with her weight and puts zero effort into her appearance but will critically tear apart a perfectly attractive woman’s looks very mean spirited, but perhaps she’s just very insecure.

Are you a man OP?

No I’m a woman

Just because someone is an extrovert, doesnt mean they're being horrible?

Gosh, people are all different

As long as she is kind and respectful of the fact that not everyone is bubbly, which sounds like she does need reminding of, she shouldn't have to make herself small

This is very TikTok. I joined and people were saying “I love you” to me when I’d barely known them a month or less. There’s absolutely nothing special about me to inspire love 😂 I’m not sure if these people just think “I love you” is a positive thing to say to people, but in the end, it’s just really fucking immature. Indicates that person doesn’t know what real love is or that it takes effort; they’ll be just as likely to become abusive and hateful, as I learned. You can be kind and respectful to coworkers without hugs or I love you’s; save those for people you ACTUALLY love and want to hug. I don’t particularly WANT full-frontal contact with Alan from accounts, but I’m also autistic, @theodextrey.

It seems so empty to me just throwing it around like that! I think I feel sickened too because she’s so gooey over the top sweet but in private she is quite different, very critical of women’s appearances (if we were discussing a random celebrity) and just generally commenting on women’s looks.

She doesn’t put down mens looks as much, she also is quite into slut shaming women which I find gross (I just don’t like to broach the topic)

I have struggled with insecurity so I don’t like to judge one away or another how someone appears.

There's some people in my workplace that like to hug but its genuine, they're just friendly women - this woman does not sound genuine so that's what makes it sound off and uncomfortable.

I mostly work remotely, so when I see someone in person who I like and haven't seen for ages I'll often hug them - but I wouldn't do it on a daily basis. And I don't tell them I love them!

she sounds riddled with fakery - this must be very difficult OP.

I WFH & I have to go to a work function next week. My big boss will be over from USA & I know we will hug.

I'm cringing internally about it already 😁

Edit to say it will be a genuine & warm hug but I still would prefer not to.