AIBU to find constant hugging and saying ‘I love you’ unprofessional? (At work)

[theodextrey]

I work with this woman who is quite extroverted she enjoys hugging everyone daily (usually full frontal) and will say “I love you” to coworkers.

These people aren’t anyone she’s known a long time, I’ve worked there longer than her & she does this with almost everyone including new hires.

I am more introverted/quiet so these interactions make me feel kinda strange. To me, I only say I love you to people I am close to so I don’t understand it (I am on the spectrum)

We will be on group email or text and she will sign off “I love you!!! 🩷🩷🩷”

i know people are different but to me this seems inappropriate for the workplace (corporate) and makes me feel uncomfortable.
this woman will also disappear frequently throughout the day while she’s stopping and chatting with people (usually small talk that goes on too long)

is this unprofessional or am I being unreasonable?

I also want to add it makes me uncomfortable because if I’m standing there (we work on a team of two) while she’s hugging the coworkers, they then try to hug me, which I’m not a fan of, but it would make me seem cold in contrast to her for me to not participate.

Urgh I couldn't think of anything worse!! YANBU

🤮

It makes me feel like I’ve taken crazy pills, because to me “I love you” should mean something, not be said to basically random acquaintances you have to communicate throughout the day with (we work in a separate building on the same property as the other coworkers)

to me it just seems like she’s really needy of some attention/affection but it always leaves me feeling very weird.

I feel like I look like the weird one while she’s all love dovey. It just seems inappropriate

I want to add sometimes it makes communication inefficient because on the group chat, if we have to ask coworkers about a particular task, she will have multiple lines of text saying things like:

hi beautiful!!! 🩷🩷🩷

I love you!!!🩷🩷🩷🩷

Then she will send gifs saying “you’re amazing” or something along those lines

then have to scroll and scroll to find the information for the question we were needing the answer to

i Was talking about this recently with my sister, how different the next generation is with affection etc, and I say this as an affectionate person! My sister and I are in our 40s, but we were talking about our cousins social media (cousin is in her early 20s) and my sister said “why are they all so lovey dovey with each other?!” 😂 I know part of it will be social media but they’re all constantly saying “love you!” Etc.

not that it’s a bad thing but I find it interesting how different it is - my friends and I wouldn’t do that on social media but feel that people are much more open with their affection / feelings in public now.

I do realise that this makes me sound really buttoned up 😂 but it’s just interesting to see how differently people express themselves as time goes on!

It's unprofessional in the extreme.

No point in letting it get to you though, just assert your boundaries.

Do you work with the Duchess of Sussex, perchance?

Is she from a different country/culture?

I only ask because it seems a very un-British way of going about things 😄

It is interesting how different people need/show affection. This woman is early 40s I’m a few years younger.

this woman doesn’t act this affectionate with me even though we work side by side in close quarters every day (which is fine by me)

She saves her lovey dovey heart squeezes for the other coworkers she doesn’t really know I just find it bizarre, and maybe kind of fake?

YANBU, HR or her manager need to have a conversation about professionalism and boundaries. I would hate it if someone kept telling me they loved me at work. Ditto the hugging. It's inappropriate.

Oddly though, I met some people at work recently in person, who I'd only previously met on Teams and they pretty much all went in for a hug. Ewww. Obviously I didn't recoil but I was expecting handshakes since it's a professional working environment. I hope it doesn't happen again and it was just because it was the first time of meeting.

Weird and unprofessional - her line manager really should have said something about her communication.

I would suggest it is manipulative.
It is a ‘show’ she is in favour with you. Or you with her. It is something done for the benefit of other people to see.
But inappropriate in the workplace setting.
The only way it is okay is amongst people who are already established friends.

She does the same thing with the manager (hugging, not so much the hearts and love yous) but he doesn’t say anything to her about it as far as I’m aware. I’ve mentioned it to him in private and he agreed and found it odd.

i know it’s no big deal but when I begin my messages with “good morning!” It makes my greeting seem cold in contrast

I worked with someone who is very touchy-feely and would hug you every time she saw you. If she met you in the street with family, she would hug them too. I see her now every so often and she's still at it. I am a hugger but never with colleagues

That is very irritating. Perhaps raise it with your line manager that her extreme behaviour is making you uncomfortable. Is there anyone else who feels the same? A colleague you are close to? Then they can raise it too.

I do think it is manipulative because she doesn’t act that way privately with me.

I know one woman in the office has called her fake to her face

she also has gossiped to me about these same women she goes around saying
“I love you🩷🩷🩷”

Yes, it is insincere and over familiar. So false.

I’ll also add one of the women in the office who has worked there over 20 years, this woman said “love you” to her and she just looked at her and chuckled in response.

it’s frustrating to me though because there’s tasks to be done and it’s time consuming when she goes around greeting/hugging/chatting/I love you squeezes throughout the day so I feel highly annoyed/irritated.

I like to tackle the work tasks and get them done, then I can relax at work if there’s down time some days.

Not socialize then have the tasks pile up and work in a frenzy to get them done before 5

Ewww.

Urgh no I couldn’t cope with that. So unprofessional.

I want to add her demeanor with me is more stern, but she’s soft saccharine sweet with the staff up front (especially the women)

I am naturally soft spoken and reserved with everyone. She has gotten bothered in the past when coworkers have referred to me as “sweet”.

She’ll say “she’s not sweet!!!”

like I never claimed to be? I just try to be professional and I’m polite/soft spoken.

Who on earth are the 8% saying you’re being unreasonable? How could anyone think this is OK.

This would drive me insane OP, it’s completely unprofessional and also time-wasting and attention-seeking. She should sit down and get on with her work. And her manager should tell her this.

I hope you’re not having to pick up the slack when she off hugging and loving people. Eww it’s made me 🤢🤮 just typing that!

Next time she hugs push her gently but firmly away and say, " Don't hug me, I don't think it's appropriate" in a quite loud but firm voice.
Even better if you see her coming offer her a handshake or hi- five instead. She'll soon get the message.

She is close to the manager and will take long lunches with him, I’m aware other people
in the office building have talked about seeing her up there for long stretches of time and not in the building where she should be but she’s not been addressed officially about the situation.

she apparently heard the gossip and doubled down and said “I was with my manager” instead of saying. “Oops lost track of time”, my manager told me this that she’s aware. It’s made me look for another job because I don’t think it can be fixed without me causing a massive stir about it.

Shes fun and happy, she means no harm!

Edit - she should be nicer to you though given that you're more reserved. But if youre making it clear you dont like her, maybe shes got her back up?

Maybe just make it clear that you really dont like hugs and affection from people at work x