Hi everyone,
Posting on AIBU for traffic.
I’m trying to make sense of my DD’s profile and would really appreciate balanced perspectives, especially from parents of neurodivergent children or people who know this area well.
My DD has just turned 5 and is in Reception. Overall she is doing well. School are happy with her progress, she is developing well academically and teachers say she is on track. She also does well in structured activities such as tennis, ballet and singing. Teachers/coaches generally give positive feedback. She has a lot of energy, but can also concentrate.
What makes me wonder about neurodivergence:
- She is very emotionally intense and can get very upset over things that may seem small.
- She finds losing, being second, or another child being “first” very hard. For example, if another child overtakes her on a bike or runs ahead of her, she can become very upset and say she doesn’t want to be friends with that child anymore, although this does not last.
- She can take refusal very personally. If another child doesn’t want to play her game or do something together, she can experience it almost as rejection of the whole friendship.
- She can be quite controlling in play. She loves children and wants to play, but sometimes wants very intense, close interaction and struggles when the other child wants space or wants to do things differently.
- She has some sensory sensitivities: hair brushing, hair washing, nail cutting. We have to put a cartoon on while doing all these things.
- She can be perfectionistic. She has said things like “I am not good enough” and can become very upset if her writing or numbers don’t look right.
- She is very sensitive to criticism or correction and can become upset if we point out mistakes.
- She can resist everyday demands such as dressing, handwashing and stopping play. We often have to make these tasks playful or interesting for her.
- She can be very shy around other people at first, especially adults.
What makes me less sure it is neurodivergence:
- She is very socially motivated and has always loved being around children.
- She has rich imaginative play and creates lots of different scenarios and games.
- Her play is flexible in the sense that she invents new games all the time, rather than repeating one rigid script.
- She generally does well at school and in structured classes.
- She can follow instructions and wait her turn in after-school clubs.
- She has good language and can often explain her feelings afterwards. For example, after one big upset with friends and craft materials, she later told me she was scared the other children would take her things without asking.
- She usually recovers after meltdowns and can go back to playing happily.
- She seems very empathic and relationship-focused, sometimes almost too much so.
I suppose what confuses me is that she is not withdrawn or socially uninterested at all. If anything, she is intensely social, very imaginative, bright, energetic and sensitive. But she struggles a lot with rejection, losing, sharing control, and feeling that her things or her place in the group are at risk.
Does this sound more like possible neurodivergence, or more like a highly sensitive / intense / strong-willed child who needs support with emotional regulation and social flexibility?