Is it ok for men to be in the ladies loos if they need to assist a disabled wife?

[someoneelsesshoes]

Not sure if I’m unreasonable to have felt a bit strange about this.

I went to the ladies toilets in a garden centre and there was a man standing by the sinks. I immediately went to walk out as I thought I’ve mistakenly gone into the men’s. He then said sorry and said he was waiting for his wife. He was next to a zimmer frame which I assume was his wife’s.

I felt really strange about this but went into the loo as usual. I understand maybe his wife really needed help to get on/off the loo so dismissed it. She was still in the stall when I left. But when I left the loo I checked the disabled and it was open and ready to use (though maybe it was occupied when she needed it and it was an emergency).

I haven’t come across this before so not sure if we make this concession for male carers. I know disabled people need to be supported and maybe he’s the only one who can help her.

@Flowersdie I didn’t say he didn’t pose a threat, I was asking the OP what threat I thought he posed. What alternative would you have suggested for a disabled person who urgently needs to go, who can’t go in the accessible toilet for whatever reason, and who needs the help of a male carer?

The OP has no idea if this was occupied when the woman with a zimmer arrived, only that when she arrived it was free.

I expect some on this thread will be convinced the woman bypassed the more accessible toilet so that she could have a more difficult experience. Or that her husband made her use the ladies to satisfy his perverted mind.

We don't know if it was available when they needed it only that it was available after OP left the ladies.

But OP acknowledged that it might not have been earlier, when the couple needed it.

They could have waited for a while, but then the woman's needs became too urgent. I can't imagine that she'd have chosen a normal cubicle if she'd had a choice

Stop being silly and dramatic how am i punishing her. It's not a minority of men and you well know it. Men shouldn't be in women's spaces full stop. Especially where women and girls are undressed. Women and girls are vulnerable and feel vulnerable. There are disabled toilets they could of used. He shouldn't of been in the women's toilets.

I honestly can’t get my head around this. I can’t even tell you the last time I went anywhere and there wasn’t an accessible toilet either at the exact place I was or for public use/in a neighbouring shop. I feel quite lucky to live in the part of the country I do after reading this.

I don’t think he posed a threat. But it’s something I haven’t experienced before. I said in my OP I did consider it was an emergency situation for the woman but I did panic when I thought I had walked in the Gents By accident.

Maybe he wouldn't want to take his young daughter past men with their bits out at the urinals!

You've hit the nail on the head but you don't realise it.

An accessible toilet.

One.

Not a set. One.

Our population is ageing and our health needs are becoming more complex as a society.

One accessible loo is often not enough.

Sometimes the accessible toilet is in use. And disabled people often take a very long time to do what the rest of us can do in a minute.

My late husband needed a disabled toilet, and anyone arriving just as he'd gone in would have had to wait a long time. Maybe this woman couldn't.

why on earth would you take a man into the ladies?? The mind boggles

if for some mysterious reason they couldn’t go to the accessible toilet, then she could go herself with the zimmer or ask a woman to help with the zimmer /door as she could obviously get into the cubicle herself

But that wouldn't protect women and girls. There would be even more male perverts hanging round as they'd be entitled to be there. Women aren't safe now they'd be even less safe then.

Tough. As an adult male, that’s what he has to do.

Men using urinals are usually keen to piss and go and don’t (to my knowledge) make a habit of waving their cocks around in full view

No it's never ok for a man to be in there. You don't even know he has a wife in there, you never saw her, he could easily have been a weirdo who likes listening in, unacceptable.

What about his young daughter though?

So.. if a man needed an urgent poo and the gents was full he could just go into the ladies?

Those who are saying the man should have taken his wife into the men’s… if it had been the man who was disabled and his wife who had been helping him, would you have been happy for her to take him into the ladies? Or would you suggest she goes into the men’s? Surely it makes sense for the disabled person to use the toilet designed for their sex rather than the carers.

She would not be able to transfer from a Zimmer to the toilet without help.

Think about it. She goes into a toilet forwards. The Zimmer is in the way. But she needs the Zimmer for stability in order to turn around, take her pants down, and sit down. And the same to get up afterwards.

I've been in exactly the same position as the carer, and my relative could not have done it alone. Asking a stranger to help pull her pants down is unthinkable.

Mysterious reason?!

It being occupied isn't that mysterious.

You obviously don't know this, but many people who use frames also need someone with them at all times.

The absolute disregard on this thread for this disabled lady has really shocked and saddened me.

Truly, only some women matter, and it isn't this one.

Honestly yes, I'd rather that than someone shits themselves. I wouldn't wish that on anyone and I think you'd have to be a bit of a psychopath to refuse entry to someone in those circumstances.

No. Men don’t belong in women’s toilets - that’s it,

well, just wait for the accessible then

Truly, only some women matter, and it isn't this one.

Nails it @InconsequentialFerret

Truly, only some women matter, and it isn't this one.

The thread summed up in one sentence

Don’t be ridiculous