To tell son it’s too much and affecting his dad’s self esteem.

[myfairladies]

We have a lovely lad who is 25 he moved out about three years ago and lives in the same town and we see him regularly which is lovely but the thing is he is very judgmental and this is making us uncomfortable.

He will unexpectedly call round early on a weekend and ask why we’re still in bed. This will be about 8:30-9 when he’s been up and been for a run already.
He will moan about what’s in the fridge and tell his dad he needs to lose weight and stop eating this and that, not just once but every time he turns up and we happen to be eating something he doesn’t approve of.

I’d like to add he wasn’t like this when he lived at home.

He makes sarcastic comments about Dh driving when he himself although holds a license chooses to cycle every where instead.
While I appreciate his lifestyle is his choice, I don’t think he should judge or preach to his dad about it, yes Dh is overweight and does like to sit and watch telly but at 55 there’s no way on earth he is suddenly going to buy a bike, sell the tv and spend his evenings jogging and eating whatever he recommends.
While he means well he is offending his dad and I can see this affecting their relationship.
Dh likes his lay in at the weekend as do I and as we no longer have children at home I agree we are entitled to sleep in but if he turns up and we’re not up yet it’s another chance to criticise.
I had a chat with him and said dad isn’t going to change so just accept him as he is but he isn’t going to back down and is determined to keep on at him, I can see it’s driving a wedge.
I can see the eye roll when ds arrives and ds told me he doesn’t feel like he has anything in common with his dad anymore because he tried to help him but he won’t listen which is true, he doesn’t want to listen as he doesn’t want to be changed or have his lifestyle choices criticised, just wish he would drop it because I can see his dad pulling away because he feels constantly scrutinised.

Any son of mine who did that to me would NOT find his name in my Will when the time comes.

Leave your key in the lock so he can’t use his

You need to tell him he is interrupting your weekend morning shag and you thought when he moved out he would no longer be a cockblock.

My kids have keys

They never let themselves in if we're home

What if you were dtd when he came in!? He's being very rude. Tell him he has to ring the bell, it's not his home anymore

And if he can't just come round to just see you and have a chat then maybe he shouldn't come?

Sounds like he'd prefer his dad not to die in the next ten years.

And when has criticism and constant nagging ever worked in changing someone? The opposite tends to happen.

His dad is an adult, fully aware of health and fitness.

Why is his self esteem affected? Either he embraces his lifestyle choice and find peace with it, or he knows he should do something about it and acknowledges it.

Yes, it sounds like your son is expressing his frustration too vehemently but your DH stubborn attitude is not much better.

I think you need to say to him that you and hubby are older than him and have different lifestyle choices and you all need to be respectful of that.
Tell him its upsetting you so would be stop making comments please.
My husband did similar with his cousin and it was beginning to annoy his. His cousins wife told me and I had a word with my hubby. He had no intention of upsetting his cousin and didn't realise he was doing so. He felt really bad. But it did the trick and everyone is happy again

Change your locks then!

You and your husband are allowing him to do as he likes.

He doesn't need an excuse

It's his life and he can live it how he wants

It's his life

He can be stubborn if he wants

I find it so surprising all these posters saying he's only doing it in a cruel to be kind of situation.

I actually suspect it has fuck all to do with worrying about his dad's health and future well being and everything to do with him jumping on a healthy bandwagon and expecting everyone to now listen to him as if he's the font of all knowledge.

If he actually cared about his dad's health then this is not how he would approach the situation and it doesn't account for the digs about being in bed all morning and the driving comments.

He isn't concerned about his dad at all and I'm staggered so many think he is.

Well for a start I’d be leaving the snib on, or a key in the door so your son can’t let himself in….

This is what I was thinking. Tell him if he wants his dad to exercise more he needs to stop interrupting

I think it is not ANY adults job, right, or duty for one adult to give another adult unsought advice especially when its presented critically or they are invading your house to do it. If politely pointing this out doesn't or hasn't worked then the next step is to confiscate their door key. If they continue to do it on invited visits then you tell them to leave and say there will be no more invited visits until he apologises and treats his parents like adults.

Change the locks. But being 55 is absolutely not a barrier to change.

Put a chain on, and tell him not to come before 11 as you both like a lie in. You both need to get firmer, he’s out of order.

He sounds like an insufferable bore. Get your own back by asking him why, if he's got such a great body, he's still single at 25. Probably because he's so dull and superficial.

this. Regardless of what your husband chooses to to, your son should keep his beak out.

He doesnt mean well. Tell him he's being a dick and needs to wind his neck in.

I think you should edit your post as I don't think it comes across clearly enough at the moment that you think he's fat and lazy.

I thought of adding obese and indolent. And it's not that I "think" it it's that OP has told us her husband is fat and lazy. But she's good with that.

He can be stubborn if he wants
One 100%... but will he also accept his son lack of empathy when his life will be all about pains, medical appointments and restrictions?

Because that's the issue. The judgement that they pass on when they don't get the sympathy and support when they later face the consequences of their stubbornness.

Exactly