AIBU to expect some housework done during my partner's mat leave?

[Cljw]

My partner is on mat leave, I work full time. Then when i get home, i have to tidy up after her and the mess that has been made throughout the day, do the washing and cooking etc. (Woe is me, i know) but when i voice my feelings regarding this, i get the 'im looking after our child, i dont have time to do any of that.' So AIBU to ask her to do some housework?

She should wash up the dishes from her lunch but if there is no time that would be done when OP is home and spending time with their baby. Probably easy to put a wash in too but again easy to do when OP is home. He is clearly expecting more than that or it wouldn't be a big deal.

How is your wife’s mental health generally? How was birth/recovery? Is she enjoying motherhood? How is your baby’s sleep and general temperament? How did you split housework when you both worked? Have you taken on/dropped responsibilities now she’s at home? I would want to know all of those things before answering whether she should be doing more housework!

Your partner is pouring all her Love and Care into the Baby. Even though she's recuperating after having her body and private parts ripped apart from growing and delivering a Human Baby.
When the baby grows up, he or she will benefit from this Love and be a Well - Adjusted, Successful Member of Society.
I'm sorry to have to explain this to you.
YOU ,on the other hand NEED A GOOD HIDING. You ungrateful twat.

No you’re not BU at all, she should be cleaning up after herself, put baby in sling and clean/ cook, I wouldn’t expect deep cleaning but get up off bum and do what needs doing. My baby was Velcro and I had a rota on mat leave, one day I mopped, one day I cleaned fridge. I still went out to baby groups etc, I wasn’t in all day cleaning. You can’t be expected to do everything when you get in from work.

Some people are so lazy, I have a SAHM friend who has the messiest, dirtiest house I’ve ever seen, think food dripping down counters, manky sofa, she gets annoyed if her dh who works 50 hours a week suggests she do some cleaning or cooking diring toddlers nap time.

Speaking as someone whose children are now adults, I think it is ridiculous to be mopping floors and cleaning fridges rather than spend time with your baby.

Single parents do, they have to.. But this person is not a single parent. OP hasn't given enough detail to let us assess whether he's BU or not. I expect he is but we don't have enough info.

Depends on baby s needs what sort of day it’s been if she hasn’t slept for a single night since birth hoovering a whole house is going to seem exhausting. Looking after the baby is a really hard task.
Hire a cleaner for 6 months even monthly if it bothers you.

Reason 4,000,000 why i hated mat leave

get a cleaner

All the people saying he's not wrong to expect it despite not knowing anything at all about how the postpartum period has been or if she's sleeping or what age the baby is, what do you think the OP should do? He's already brought up the subject and she said she doesn't have time, so what's next?

Well if reform get in, in the future then maternity leave probably won't be a thing anymore it will be like the U.S unpaid and you go back to work after a couple of weeks

Even if the baby is difficult and she isn’t getting much sleep, I don’t think she can simply decline to do anything at all. Unless she is actually very physically unwell, or suffering from severe PPD- which op has not said, and assume they would have if that was the case, then yes I do think she should be able to do something around the house most days. Even if it is putting the laundry on or a doing brief tidy. If she is genuinely so unwell that she can do nothing else at all, then I would advise she seek medical review.

I had a very colicky baby, I was EBF and no, not getting much sleep. I managed to do the basics most days. Because it was a necessity, and forcing my DH to carry the entire weight of the entire household duties/meals and managing the farm (when he was up most of the night as it was, plus busy most of the day as it was lambing/calving) was simply not tenable or fair. Was it easy? No. Was I knackered a lot of the time? Yes. It was, however, doable But I don’t think it is reasonable to expect your partner to work full time, do all the household chores, all the cooking and tidying after meals, all the shopping and so on. It’s not sustainable. I also expect she can do something- even if it would be preferable to her to do nothing.

Not everyone can use slings.

Quite a bit missing here it sounds like its your first child so getting in to a routine takes a while.
Is she breastfeeding as thats usually in demand and can get tiring
Is she doing all night feeds as thst makes for a disturbed sleep.
Once I got in to the swing of things I got a routine in place and when I got to the toddler years plus having a part time job I thought wow the baby years were easier than this.

She’s looking after a baby and physically recovering from pregnancy and childbirth and probably having to get up during the night to feed baby.

Stop being an arsehole

She needs to do the housework, I’m a single parent and I do absolutely everything myself so she has no excuse that she’s looking after the baby. I do that and my other child, and keep the house immaculate

This sounds like the chap who has just left his partner & baby because he's a snowflake, same complaint - housework. He likes to play on his playstation when he comes home from work. It's best he goes back to his mum's if he doesn't want to muck in. A mum's job is 24/7 she doesn't get any time off.

Of course she can decline. He appears to have brought it up a few times and she is still saying she can't do it.

I managed to do the basics also, doesn't mean that I don't understand that others mothers may struggle or that I can dictate what they should be doing.

She needs to do it 😅How do you suggest he make her do it?

I'd have thought that most adults unless very unwell are capable of it doing at least a bit around the house/something that isn't just baby. Otherwise no one would ever be able to have a second child.

Of course the shouldn't be making her do it, but as an adult she should be capable of knowing that it's part of being an adult.

Single people work full time and do all the household chores and cook their meals. Why is it too difficult just because their partner had a baby. I agree that she should clear up after herself in the day but could probably do that in the evening while OP has the baby.

Yes most probably do, and some don't and then the baby phase passes and things get back to normal.

And they will wonder why the birth rate plummets.😂

If they baby is waking at night and the mum is doing all night wakings, then she should be sleeping while the baby sleeps, not peeling spuds.