Baby given chocolate!

[areandare]

I would like honest feedback / opinions on this please as I don’t know if I’m overreacting and am happy to be told that I am.

My baby is 9 months old. He started weaning at 6 months and I have taken it quite seriously to do it as best as I can. Weaning books, trying home made recipes, introducing veggies before fruits, etc.

My partners parents like to have him once a week for a couple of hours to spend time with him and to prepare for when I return to work as they will be minding him for one day. Last week when I picked him up, MIL smugly told me “he had some chocolate today”. I was a bit taken back as I thought she was joking.

It turns out that she had broken up chocolate in to little pieces and given it to him. He has never had chocolate before , he was gifted a few Easter eggs and we still hadn’t given any to him.

I have a few issues with this.

1. The chocolate could be a choking hazard, everything that I have read says to melt it
2. She knows how I feel about giving him chocolate, and she didn’t even ask she just took it upon herself to give him it
3. This one sounds petty - but I would have liked to have been the one to give him his first taste of chocolate when I felt ready 😔

What do others think? Should I say anything or just leave it? I might be overreacting but I feel quite hurt by it. I feel quite strongly about a 9 month old not needing chocolate right now (no disrespect to those who give it) but he’s so happy with yogurt, fruit, etc so really doesn’t need chocolate as a treat yet.

It's not Nazi Germany. Unreasonable rules can be questioned.

You are going to need a serious conversation.

If thsy want to be regular childcare, thsy are going to have to work in the best interests of their grandchild. No naps, constant screens, overboard on treats etc is not acting in their welfare... its actively detrimental to it.

I presume they want the best for their grandchild. So they need to be part of that.

It’s not unreasonable if the OP is regularly being handed back a grumpy overwrought baby to deal with because her rules on naps, screens and now snacks aren’t being followed.

Mil being smug would annoy me more than the chocolate

OP can say no. No one is forcing her to leave her child with grandparents.

Yes they can insist, but she doesn’t have to.

Have you seen what the average baby shoves in its mouth? Your kid probably ingests more dirt than chocolate.

My MIL tried to feed my 2nd born some magnum at 4 months old. He hadn’t had any solids yet. She denied it, but he has chocolate ice cream all over his top and neck. I’d literally left the room for 5mins as I was trying to extend trust towards her, as she’d been a spiteful nasty piece of work after my 1st, but was trying to do better.

If you’ve expressed that you didn’t want to give him chocolate or wanted to be present to experience that, then it was a pretty shitty thing for her to do. I know there seems to be this “I’ll do what I want” attitude from some Grandparents because they’ve had children before. But times change and parenting approaches adapt and advance. So that is not an excuse. Being a Grandmother doesn’t give you automatic entitlement to what you want.

I'd be a lot, lot more concerned about the constant screen time. Thats 10 times worse in my opinion

Hi @areandare I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry for some of the responses that you’ve had on here and I completely get why you are upset.

With regards to choking as long as it wasn’t ball or small egg shaped and he was supervised whilst eating some pieces of chocolate should be fine, so don’t worry from that point of view.

But with the other 2 points, them not listening to you and you missing this first, I think you are completely within your rights to be upset! Even if they disagree your rules should be followed, obviously unless they are actually dangerous. And first experiences matter and in my opinion wherever possible belong to the parents. Yes things happen and sometimes it’s unavoidable but purposefully giving him chocolate isn’t one of those situations. It doesn’t change what’s happen but there are lots of lovely treat firsts for you still to look forward to, ice cream is a great one!

I’m sorry that the people you trusted with your child didn’t respect your wishes.

I would be annoyed about this too. Children who don't have much (ideally, any) added sugar in their early lives have are thought to have a lifelong benefit with a lower risk of diabetes and hypertension. Do you think it would help to explain the reasoning behind not giving children sweet things? My child was absolutely delighted with bananas and berries at that age (actually still is).

I don't think it's fair to say that just because a grandparent offers childcare, the OP can't want choices they make for their child's benefit to be undermined. My in-laws look after my child regularly and I am so grateful. They respect our choices but they also say when there is something they think we could do differently, which is generally very helpful. I think it's best when nobody assumes they know best and you have good conversations about what it is in the best interests of children.

Reading your subsequent posts, I would actually be most concerned about constant screen time.

Thank god you aren’t my DIL. Yes she was wrong going against your wishes. Totally agree. But you sound so precious. Bet you love telling all your friends that your baby doesn’t have sweet treats whilst they have given their kids deep fried mars bars 😂
And I can’t believe you think you are doing her a favour by allowing her to care for him whilst you go back to work. You are doing her and your son a huge favour. Grandparent relationships are so so special. I adored my Granny and my son was the same with my parents. Still is at 30.
Get off your high horse and appreciate the support you get from her. And remember your son will benefit the most

My mum encouraged DS to walk for a chocolate button...
He lived!

Honestly, I really don’t understand why it’s so hard for some to read past OP’s first post.

YANBU and like usual people can’t be bothered to read your second post,

I would just pay for that day as planned and let MIL sulk.

She wanted your child but not only doesn’t want to follow something so simple but blatantly going against you and her adult child’s so why should she continue having him. She obviously shows she doesn’t respect you both as parents and will do whatever she want.

It really isn’t hard to not give a 9 mo chocolate, not put them in front of a tablet to the point they can’t nap so you have to deal with the fallback. It is not a hard ask whatsoever and making out to be is ridiculous.

Stuff like this is the reason people rather spend money on childcare providers even if it means tightening their own budgets than using family members who act like this.

Wait until said child is knocking back energy drinks. Then you really will have something to worry about.

errrrr op didn't tell them not to give her child chocolate. She wouldn't have read its a choking risk because it's all about size, shape etc

Also you didn't read the post, she doesn't need to pay for childcare, they are looking after child for a few hours whilst she's on mat leave to prepare her for work

Right firstly, I am NOT expecting free childcare. I have not asked for childcare. They have INSISTED that they have him one day a week. I had full intentions in paying for childcare on that one day.
The main issue is that she has totally dismissed what me and my partner have told her. I don’t care if you agree or not, in my opinion a 9 month old does not need chocolate. He doesn’t know what it is, (had) never had it before so there was absolutely no need. I’m not going to deprive him of sweet treats, but would rather him not have stuff like that during his weaning journey. She knew this but still decided to go against our wishes and give it anyway!

My DC are in their 30s and weaning then started at three months and by the age of the posters child my DC had tried most foods. Steak and chips at about seven months. Lightly blended.

I know she doesn’t.

Good for you but this is really not ideal.

The issue is that the had point blank been told that we aren’t giving him any chocolate yet and she went ahead and did it anyway. I don’t care that she’s his grandmother, I’m my opinion that doesn’t give you the right to go against what the parents have said, period. The issue is more her feeling entitled enough to do that, when really we’re doing her the favour by letting her have him one day a week because like I said I had full intentions of putting him in childcare for that day which would have been my preference.

She knew how?

You also have no idea about weaning

YANBU. some people are UNHINGED. of course a baby who has no idea what chocolate is shouldn't eat chocolate. It was mean of your MIL. I am also the same that I want to see my baby eat an ice cream, chocolate, fizzy drink for the first time. I dont care if someone thinks that is stupid. When my baby actually knows what those things are and asks me for them, sure, they can have them. Until then, im taking the opportunity to shove as much healthy food down their throat haha.

One day the guidance will no doubt change back to earlier weaning and then it will be "ideal" again.

Not just mums. Both me and my husband want to be the people that first see our baby eat an ice cream, chocolate, fizzy drinks. Why does that bother you?!