To not want to pay above a full tank of petrol for a lift to the airport?

[alexandrasm]

I fly from my “local” (2 hours away!) airport at the end of summer. My flight is in the early evening and I have an appointment in the morning.

My brother offered to give me a lift, it won’t affect his work as he’s on 0 hours and can just request a late start/no hours on that day (he usually doesn’t work on a Friday anyway).

I said yes please, and said I’d be happy to cover a tank of fuel as it would probably use about that to get there and back, and have some left over. (So I’m thinking about £40, he has a hybrid so it doesn’t use a ton of fuel).

He’s now said £40 plus £75 on top for “his time”

AIBU to think sod it, I’d rather just pay a taxi (about £100 according to local Facebook groups) because he’s being a CF?!

My family are not cold or transactional. They would help me if I needed it. The difference is I wouldn't expect anyone to spend 4 hours driving me about when I could just pay to sort out transport. I wonder what sort of things you expect other people to do for you to save a bit of money.

So it’s 4 hours of driving for your bro, possibly at an antisocial time of day? That sounds like a big favour. It depends on whether you also do big favours for him really. When my bro takes us to the airport, a 45 min drive, I’d definitely give him a good chunk of cash, probs £80-£100

I wouldn’t charge my family anything, if they offered to pay towards petrol that’s fine, but I would charge for my time.

I see it as Swings and Roundabouts, I’ll probably want a favour from them in the future, so it all evens itself out in the end.

When did family life become so transactional ?

We don’t expect anything, we offer to help each other with things we know make life a bit nicer. A two hour drive with my sibling is a way to spend a bit of time together, and saves my sibling paying for parking and also the stress of a drive home after a long flight. And yes I will do things to save the younger or less well off members of the family money - like let them stay in my holiday home for free. And when I broke my leg and lived alone, my cousin came and stayed at mine and worked remotely so I had some help. These are just normal things in our family so we probably do ‘expect’ it, because we also ‘expect’ to reciprocate at some point.

ETA I do find it cold and transactional to only help loved ones if they ‘need it’. Help because it’s enjoyable, because it’s kind and because you want to. Helping only when someone is in dire need is pretty rubbish imo.

Me and my friends would see no issue is going out of our way to help each other out and save them money.
It’s not about expecting people to do it, it’s wanting to help out people you love.

People defending the brother… He’s a CF.

If I took my sister somewhere, I wouldn’t accept any payment, even for fuel. Not a chance.

I‘M amazed at these replies suggesting you’re in the wrong to query his demand for payment for his time. He’s your brother, he’s doing you a favour as siblings should, in my book, and you’ve very properly offered to pay for a full tank of petrol which at current prices is way more than £40. He’s got a nerve asking you to pay £75 on top. I’d get a taxi and don’t di him any little favours in future.

Meh, I'd rather not have to drive someone 4 hours on a random day of their choosing and sort myself out when it came to my own holiday. I know I have people I could call on on times of real need but things like airport lifts I'm more than happy to organise for myself. Different strokes for different folks.

Nobody is saying you have to do anything. People are saying they want to help friends and family. They like doing it and don’t view it as an inconvenience.

If you’re the sort of person who is going to resent helping someone then definitely don’t bother. Nobody needs that sort of negativity in their lives.

Crikey I should start charging one of my brother's since I take him to airports often as he works for them so can travel far or near....as do my other siblings of there not at work we take turns and never once has it entered my head to ask for anything even the fuel he just gives us it...not how our family works

Just book an uber in advance - I do this regularly for airports, and they have never been late.

The OP repeatedly saying how normal it is for family and friends to drive to airport for each other.

Strange that no one seems to have offered to do this for the Op. She had to actually ask her brother.

Why does it matter if she asked or he offered? These things usually require a two way conversation.

My point is - if this is so very normal amongst the OP’s friends and family… odd that no one offered so the op had to ask her brother.

and rather than just ask any one of the many family and friends she referred to that do this all the time… she’s planning long convulsed bus and train journeys

Well my point is I don't get involved in these sorts of favours so don't worry, there's no negativity. I help out people around me in absolutely loads of others ways. I know no one is saying I have to do anything, I was just saying (casually, not sure why it evoked such a brisk response) that for me it's easier to sort myself out with driving and for others to do the same. Getting a lift to the airport isn't something I need help with any more than getting to work or going to the supermarket is. Those of us who aren't involved in lift swapping are perfectly pleasant people who do plenty of favours in other areas of our lives!

Despite not being at all close to your siblings @HighLadyofTheNightCourt , would you do this for them out of interest?

I have done. And other things to help out when needed.

I’m much closer to my friends than my siblings and we help each other out all of the time. Over the years that has included airport runs, pick ups from nights out for each other and now our children, childcare, shopping, moving house, accommodation between house moves… and other things I’ve probably forgotten.

Are you close to your siblings?

Not particularly. We get on well but we’re not super close.
That doesn’t mean we don’t help each other out where possible. We’re still a family who get on well and have no toxicity or fallings out.

Why?

Stansted is dead easy into London. Please don't go off and find a hostel, that's massively overcomplicating it! It's not really the kind of area with lots of hostels either I don't think.

You simply go get the train direct to London (45 mins) or wherever you're going. It's a 2.5 hour train journey to Bristol from Stansted, for example.

Bristol Airport is a bit of a pain by train so it's worth checking for National Express and Flicbus services that go there directly, even if you need to go to a nearby town to connect to them. Also local bus services from Bath etc. Train isn't necessarily your quickest option

Otherwise, though, airflyer bus from Temple Mead has been very reliable the last few years, and if you're running late you can easily get a taxi from the station

Why are you being so gleefully spiteful to a stranger on the internet?

Is he insured for paying “customers “? Normal car insurance doesn’t cover for “hire or reward” so he may end up driving without insurance.

Just thank him for his offer but say you’ll
decline on the grounds you can get to the airport cheaper by other means.
No need to fall out over it. If he really wants to do it he’ll lower his prices.