Ex unhappy with my FWB after he turned up unannounced

[Exproblem2]

NC’d for this.

Ex DP and I share DS (3). In general, despite separating a couple of years ago our relationship is friendly and grown up.

Ex turned up at mine unannounced earlier this week (as he was ‘in the area’) to drop something off DS left at his.

I have a FWB who I usually see on my child free weekend and he occasionally visits me in the week too. DS is always in bed. FWB hasn’t met him.

FWB was at mine when my Ex knocked. I answered the do myself but it was obvious I wasn’t alone. I then get a text from my Ex to say he thought we agreed we’d inform each other if we were to introduce anyone to DS. I explained that I have stuck to this and no one has met him, nor am I dating anyone. He then said I was wrong to bring a ‘random’ back to mine. I said he isn’t a random and he’s someone I’ve known for years (through nursery/pre school).

I have told him it’s none of his business and asked he doesn’t turn up unannounced again. He didn’t reply to this. Does anyone think I’m in the wrong?

It’s non of his business who you have a FWB relationship with, or an exclusive relationship with for that matter. You’re also not obligated to share that information with him if you don’t wish to.

Does he have a partner? If not he’s likely just jealous.

That's none of your business, Don.

And refuse to discuss it with him.

Was DS with you when ex called round and your fwb was there?

Presumably DS could wake and come downstairs and accidentally meet this man?

Not any of ex's business but you entered into an agreement to keep each other in the loop and I can see why he feels you broke this agreement (even though it didn't cover this exact situation).

Not sure why you couldn't just say fwb was a mate though? Ex doesn't need to know the 'wb' part of fwb!

I wouldn’t be particularly happy at a woman coming round for a shag to be honest if I were separated and my husband did this. Children wake up, especially at 3.

While I think you're free to shag whoever you like, what would happen if your DS woke up while FWB was there and wandered through to find a strange bloke in your bed?

Agreed. I think the opinion would be slightly different if the OP was a man.

It's because your child was in bed. If he got up, your FWB would be there. That's why he's upset - the fact that he's in the house. I'd be upset also.

I assume he thought since the bloke was in the house and so was your son, that they had met or there was a chance they might which was not the agreement the both of you have.

You've clarified with him now so hopefully that will be the end of it.

Why does he need to come round to your house anyway? Does he do it a lot? Is he checking up on you or something?

If I dropped in unexpectedly to my ex’s house on his weekend and he had his female FWB there I wouldn’t like it.

I would try to stick to child free weekends only in the future, and that would be none of his business.

I kind of think he has a point tbh. I wouldn’t have a man who I don’t know very well (although you haven’t said, maybe you do in which case void) in my house with my 3 year old. To say ‘he hasn’t met him’ is somewhat disingenuous as that’s simply been luck.

I specifically don’t allow my partner who hasn’t met my kids yet to come round when they’re asleep (6 and 2) - it limits our ability to see each other in the early months but why risk them waking up and finding him in your bed?

Bit grim to be shagging a FWB in the room next to your toddler. He’s only 3.

It doesn’t sound like he’s jealous, he was just surprised that you had a guy there when son was in the home. He’s naturally going to assume this is a boyfriend you’ve introduced.

If I was him, I wouldn’t like to have this guy being snuck upstairs in the night, even if not formally introduced.

Ultimately it’s up to you…so

You were seeing your fwb while your three year old was home? Oh boak. Actually double boak.
not ok at all.

Yeah I am with your ex on this.
What if your son woke up? Or even walked in on you with your FWB.
Would you be happy knowing your ex had a woman over when your son was there?

If your FWB is coming round for a coffee and a natter, fine.

If you're sneaking him in for sex after your 3 year old has gone to bed, it feels seedy.

Your ex can't tell you what to do, but he is allowed to have an opinion.

OP wouldn’t feel quite so blasé about a reversal of this situation. No matter how long her ex had known his new shag.

In any event, the fact she’s known the FWB for so long would inevitably (and I mean almost anyone would think it) raise the ex’s suspicions about exactly when that all started in the overall timeline.

Absolutely not his business who OP sleeps with, now he’s an ex, but nobody encountering this would be impressed.

This. And the same rule goes for your ex husband.

I have a lock on my door - no chance he walks in.

Locking your 3 year old out to have sex, even better🙃

He’s asleep. Do couples who live together with their DC not have sex then?

Op, this is really seedy. So you lock your door and shag some bloke your 3 year old has never met whilst he’s a few meters away and can’t get to you if he needs you, and you probably can’t hear him if he calls you?
there are no laws against this, but I would never ever do this to my children.