Ex unhappy with my FWB after he turned up unannounced

[Exproblem2]

NC’d for this.

Ex DP and I share DS (3). In general, despite separating a couple of years ago our relationship is friendly and grown up.

Ex turned up at mine unannounced earlier this week (as he was ‘in the area’) to drop something off DS left at his.

I have a FWB who I usually see on my child free weekend and he occasionally visits me in the week too. DS is always in bed. FWB hasn’t met him.

FWB was at mine when my Ex knocked. I answered the do myself but it was obvious I wasn’t alone. I then get a text from my Ex to say he thought we agreed we’d inform each other if we were to introduce anyone to DS. I explained that I have stuck to this and no one has met him, nor am I dating anyone. He then said I was wrong to bring a ‘random’ back to mine. I said he isn’t a random and he’s someone I’ve known for years (through nursery/pre school).

I have told him it’s none of his business and asked he doesn’t turn up unannounced again. He didn’t reply to this. Does anyone think I’m in the wrong?

Ya, same, not in the remotest bit pearl clutchy, very sex positive, been a single mother a long time, lots of dating and FWBs, no way would I have a man I was shagging in the house when my child is asleep. They could wake up, they could hear something, the guy could be a creep around kids... Just totally irresponsible really and I’m definitely on the dad’s side here.

You're a bit odd. I hadn't 'taken over the thread' I just commented on a few posts & no more than you have.

I've posted my own experience of being a child in this situation here.
People keep saying 'the three year old doesn't understand' like that makes it fine. How would you feel waking up at night hearing strange noises and strange voices in the house, and then in the morning nothing is mentioned and you don't know whether it was real or not?
I'd say the same whether it was mum or dad at home.

Sorry you’ve had that experience @Birdsongisangry.. can imagine the posters disparaging your experience are of the “happy mum = happy child” ilk, where as long as the mum’s priorities are herself… alls good.

Thanks @PoppinjayPolly . I think sometimes adults are unaware of just how much children pick up. I'm not suggesting my situation was the same as the OPs; my mum was neglectful (unintentionally, and standards were a bit different at the time, but it was). For me it would have been around similar age to OPs child through to about 8, I remember feeling my mum was rushing at bedtime or annoyed I wasn't yet asleep, people being in the house, listening out for the noise of the front door, hearing arguments (my mum had some partners who were abusive to her) and noticing signs the next morning, eg extra rubbish, wine bottle in the bin etc. For me as a kid it put me on a state of high alert and at the time I didn't even know why. My mum would have been sure I was asleep the whole time and knew nothing. She didn't say anything and I somehow knew it was a secret and not something I could ask about. I didn't know what sex was, or what relationships were, but I still had an idea that something was 'off'. Just because a child doesn't get out of bed and knock on the door doesn't mean they're unaware. And just because they don't know what sex is doesn't mean that they're not affected by it.

Yeah, I think it’s seedy. Sex is great, but there’s a time and a place.

Introducing casual boyfriends into a home with small children is a known risk factor in child neglect, abuse etc. Most people would draw the line at multiple randoms showing up, I just draw the line a bit further up the ladder than others on this thread.