Ex unhappy with my FWB after he turned up unannounced

[Exproblem2]

NC’d for this.

Ex DP and I share DS (3). In general, despite separating a couple of years ago our relationship is friendly and grown up.

Ex turned up at mine unannounced earlier this week (as he was ‘in the area’) to drop something off DS left at his.

I have a FWB who I usually see on my child free weekend and he occasionally visits me in the week too. DS is always in bed. FWB hasn’t met him.

FWB was at mine when my Ex knocked. I answered the do myself but it was obvious I wasn’t alone. I then get a text from my Ex to say he thought we agreed we’d inform each other if we were to introduce anyone to DS. I explained that I have stuck to this and no one has met him, nor am I dating anyone. He then said I was wrong to bring a ‘random’ back to mine. I said he isn’t a random and he’s someone I’ve known for years (through nursery/pre school).

I have told him it’s none of his business and asked he doesn’t turn up unannounced again. He didn’t reply to this. Does anyone think I’m in the wrong?

So you can’t have friends over? How did he know this was a FWB not just a friend? Did you answer the door in a neglige or something?

This 💯

Very selfish behaviour.

Ok just read about the lock on the door and I change my vote, yabu. TBH I should have thought through the logistics a bit more and realise you had some strange (to your DC) sleeping in the same house. You don't get away on a technicality on this one..

Yeah youre absolutely right, but she's not fucking the platonic friend in a locked bedroom. The DC doesnt chance meeting the platonic friend naked in the hallway.

The only reason the ex has any consideration in this scenario is because naked man in the house. Thats all.

Send the kid to a childminders, fuck the FWB during the day when DC isnt in the house. I dont have answers but if youre not at the point of introducing your DC to FWB then dont have him at the house.

She only gets 2 days off - tough shit. DC first - sex life 2nd.

If we didn't have sex in the room next to our toddlers, all children would be onlies...

It's a bit dangerous having him round with your little one upstairs if you don't want them to meet, but, to be fair, once my two were sleeping through, an earthquake wouldn't wake them (I've literally had the fire alarms go off in the house and them sleep straight through it) so you've done a risk assessment there.

Other than that, he doesn't get to control your life now. Your 3 year old is safe and happy, and that's the extent of his business.

Locking the bedroom door is weird when you have small children or to be frank, just in general. Older children would know to knock first anyway and wouldn’t just burst in, younger children wouldn’t but also shouldn’t be locked out? He’s 3 so might need you in the middle of the night.

I agree with your ex but I think it’s more because this isn’t someone you like enough to be in a relationship with. FWB means he comes around to screw then leaves, I guess? Fair enough when your DS is at dad’s but I wouldn’t invite him over when he’s in bed.

I think it’s different when it’s your long term partner / spouse though. FWB is just a bit seedy really, it does sound like she barely knows the guy and obviously isn’t that into him (except for a shag).

No it doesn't - she says she's known him for years. She's not pulling some bloke in off the street, it's a FWB, and it turns out she's taking reasonable precautions.

When I was with ex we would block the door when having sex so the kids couldn't wander in - it's pretty normal TBH, it's not like you wouldn't notice if they came to the door.

Exactly this ! I have male friends. Post divorce one of them had also divorced and we regularly met up for a whinge. Neither of us remotely fancied the other and we have never and would never do anything sexual together.
Practically though he worked long hours and so he rarely came over when the kids were awake so often there would be man in the kitchen if they had woken up. I can't see why single mums are expected to just sit alone and never have a visitor in case a DC wakes up ?!

Wtf why are people inventing facts like that this guy walks around naked in the OP’s house? I very much doubt that. Maybe she has an en-suite as well so no chance of randomly bumping into the child.

How many nights a week or month does your ex have his child?

How was it obvious you weren’t alone?

Um. No. Your poll didn’t make grammatical sense as it contained a double negative. The poll is void.

Rubbish.

so the Mum should never have any friends (sexual or not) around after the child goes to bed in case he hears a different voice,

be serious.

Yeah, he's in bed, you don't get to come downstairs & meet friends, you get settled back to sleep.

Yes I agree totally!

Don't be so utterly ridiculous. The child is asleep in the next room, not in her room. Most of us old enough to have kids are also mature enough to be able to have sex that doesn't require a lot of performative screaming & ridiculously vocal carry on.

The OP says she has a lock on her door which implies she fucks him upstairs.

So yes, a 3 year old is bound to get anxious hearing the voice of a man who's locked in mummy's bedroom with her, and he's never met him.

Oh God I've just realised you appear to have taken over the thread?

Bit odd.

it's not boak. Are you 12? Do you not understand the difference between FWB & FB?

Yes I do thanks, I’m ok on the alphabet and letters and all that. Thanks for asking though.

Seedy??

Don't be so daft. She's not 'sneaking him in' anymore than she'd be 'sneaking in' any other friend after a 3 year olds bedtime, or do you expect her never friends over? So what if they also enjoy having sex, it's allowed.

This thread has massive surprised me. I don’t consider myself ‘pearl-clutchy’ whatsoever, but i would never ever have a bloke round who is stranger to my kids, and havd sex with him with the kids in the house. I genuinely find it shocking that anyone either thinks that’s ok, or would do that. The comparisons to husband and wife shagging with their kids at home are ridiculous, it isn’t remotely the same thing.

I’m with him shagging FWB when kids could if woken up

Really, please point out the double negative?