OH wants custody of baby niece?

[milkshakess]

So OH's younger sister has recently had a baby and there is possibility that the baby may end up in care.

She already has an 18 year olds on who has lived with their mum since he was 8.

She dips in and out of his life, she even forgot his last birthday, she hasn't really been a mum to him at all. Despite this he has turned out to be a lovely, smart and hard working lad.

Everyone was so surprised by the pregnancy.

From what we understand she was kept in hospital for 2 weeks whilst some kind of team were getting stuff ready for the baby.

I think the hospital staff were monitoring and observing her interact with the baby and something must of been flagged?

Her mum has sold her house and was due to move abroad in September but she had been visiting her and the baby at the hospital daily and helping.

OH isn't really close to his sister but he is close to her son, he calls OH the "best uncle" as him and the other uncles have all chipped into help raise him.
OH would sometimes not see his sister for years and she was always changing her number and would have to talk to her though her son.

Anyway the family don't want the baby to end up in care but everyone has young kids themselves ( we have toddlers and are trying for a 3rd).

OH wants to go for custody but the care would really fall on me and I work from home and have a very flexible job.

Just wanted input on the situation as OH and the family don't want the baby to go into care

Wouldn’t she be your number 3?

oh look, here's a spare puppy....

oh look here's a spare puppy

CANCEL THE CHEQUE. (So sorry for shouting).

If she wasn't capable of parenting a teen in the last 5 years ago do you really think she'll be capable of parenting a pre-schooler over the next 5 years.

The Gran has done encourage over the last 8 years or whatever she can't be relied on for the next 18 years

The teen moving into a council flat makes me think he's classed as a looked after child, care leaver.
Based on no councils seem to give houses out that easily unless its the roughest of areas that nobody wants to live in, with loads of empty properties.

Feels like lots of bits missing. But op can only make the right decision for her and her family

I would look at getting full custody of baby girl and she calls you mum (and also has a tummy mummy) so she grows up knowing the truth but she is the baby girl you always wanted.

So many people have 2 boys and try for their 3rd expecting a girl but it’s another boy. This is your chance to have your princess and make a difference to that little girls entire future.

If your sibling had a baby and needed you to take her would you?

If I was you, facing all these dilemmas, I would just keep an open mind for now. See what social services have to say (which may differ from SIL's story). Would you be looking at a full adoption, a fostering situation - as I agree it would be hard to co-parent with SIL. You could still have another of your own as well as taking on DN. Just don't feel pressured into it as raising someone else's baby is a big ask.

Yes because non blood babies are totally interchangeable with a child you WANT to carry and give birth to aren't they 🙄🙄🙄

I just can't...

And would YOU be saying the same rubbish if the baby was a little Prince, and not a Princess <<vom>>

So if he was a boy it’d be fine for him to end up in care, but not a girl? Have I understood you correctly?

Being removed from her mother will cause her to have high needs.

The fact that the baby has spent 5 weeks in hospital suggests that there may be medical issues.

It could suggest that, and these could be temporary or long-term medical issues, or could suggest the mother has. We simply don’t know, so jumping to conclusions isn’t helpful.

It’s not that simple, as I’m sure you understand.

That's not true, I'm not sure why people are insisting on this unscientific idea as if it's fact.

It's easy to talk about putting children into care, but care, these days, means more or less writing off most children. Care is dire, and I speak as a witness. As far as you adopting this baby goes, how damaged is your niece? Is there likely to be pre-natal damage? Has she been able to form an attachment with at least one adult? The damage done in these early stages can't be under-estimated.

This child is part of your OH's family. Of course he should 'step up' and take on as much of the care as he can, but if you take this child, you will have to be prepared to be a mum for her just as much as for your own children.

It's a real dilemma and I feel for you, OP, but even if you say No, this situation won't go away. This baby now exists, wherever she goes, and will continue to be an important factor in your OH's mind.

Care does not mean 'writing off children' what an awful and wrong thing to say. Would you say that to the face of a couple waiting to adopt a child from care?

You’ve written off the poor baby either way - ‘damaged’ already, and the prospect of going into care where she’ll be ‘written off’.

The baby isn't up for adoption though. ATM the baby's mother doesn't want to give up the baby.

I know a family who also took in their baby niece, they see her as a daughter and their children see her as a sibling. However, both adults wanted to take her in, so they have a lovely family set up. Is that what you want? Could you see yourself raising the child as your own and treat her exactly the same as your children? It’s not fair on the baby or you for that matter if not.

Why would the baby go into care - surely there are still many couples wanting to adopt a baby - it's the older children who go into care as far as i understand it.

This child is part of your OH's family. Of course he should 'step up' and take on as much of the care as he can, but if you take this child, you will have to be prepared to be a mum for her just as much as for your own children.

But WHY should he? Why specifically him when there are other family members (even though they seem to be off the hook as they have children, conveniently forgetting so does the OP …)

It would be a huge undertaking for anyone, and no one should feel obliged to do this. If someone suggested sharing a pet out amongst a family, it would be an insane idea, so heaven knows why it should work with a baby!

And still there is no reply to why none of the other sibs who also have young families, could take this child on.

Cant believe no ones picked up on the brand new house. Because a lot of ppl on this site certainly would have picked up on it had this been a pensioner we were talking about. The SIL does not even want the kid full time but gets the house that has been allocated to her because of it. So she would be under occupying no? Not having a go @milkshakess and your OH is expecting too much of you.

I guess part of it is not every child in the care system is up for adoption.

Hats off to anyone who fosters children but I just don't think I could do it.