Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

You fool, you idiot!

227 replies

coulditbeme2323 · 07/05/2026 09:24

There were a couple of threads on MN yesterday about what posters spend their money on. One was about a slice of cheesecake in London and the other the cost of a toastie in a Garden Centre.

Neither items were cheap, but I thought there was a lot of rude comments such as "only idiots pay that" or "you fool."

Now MN is for debate and there is nothing wrong with disagreeing, but is name calling really fair just because people choose to spend their money on different things.

OP posts:
Original poster
coulditbeme2323 · 07/05/2026 12:55

NFunny · 07/05/2026 12:54

But you started a thread complaining about the cost of things. And the example you chose was your £19 Michelin cheesecake slice. It was just a bit of an odd example with which to make your point.
I don’t support personal insults though.

Show quote history

It was probably the wrong example, I should have used the theatre tickets as a better one.

OP posts:
InterestingDuck · 07/05/2026 12:55

BleedinglyObvious · 07/05/2026 12:51

I've linked to the cheesecake upthread @InterestingDuck .

This was expensive? | Mumsnet
I got in first but the OP was '£32 😬 for a quick bite to eat...'. No mention of meeting friends or anything.

Everything has gone up | Mumsnet
If I was meeting friends or relatives I'd pay.
If I was nipping to a garden centre to browse or buy plants, I'd probably take a bottle of water and something to eat with me or would have eaten before I went.
Absolutely delicious cheesecake with good company in a location you're unlikely to go again? Yes, why not if you can afford it.
As for name calling, there's a mix of people on here and not all of them are polite or rational human beings.

Thanks, I will have a look.

theQuarterly · 07/05/2026 12:57

ColdAsAWitches · 07/05/2026 10:05

The toastie one was asking opinions on whether she should have spent that much or not. In that situation, I think she should be prepared for people to think she was an idiot.

It wouldn't have been very practical though?From that thread, she was already there, she'd already told her friend she'd treat her to lunch. It would've been embarrassing to say 'Ooh no, I know I said I'd buy lunch but I thought it would be cheaper than this!' (or any variation thereof) and then the whole rigmarole of having to find somewhere else at short notice. Her friend might have already checked and chosen what she wanted and was been happy with it to not have said anything beforehand.

I would always check personally but I don't think someone who doesn't is an idiot.

BleedinglyObvious · 07/05/2026 13:00

@InterestingDuck , I had no idea my rather obvious answer would have caused such a fuss. Smile
Chuckling at the thought of me carrying a flask and a tupperware into a garden centre as opposed to me sitting by the canal or river on a sunny day having a mini picnic.

NFunny · 07/05/2026 13:03

coulditbeme2323 · 07/05/2026 12:55

It was probably the wrong example, I should have used the theatre tickets as a better one.

Show quote history

Yes they have become so expensive. And subject to dynamic pricing. We went to see Evita for £85 last year; we booked great stalls tickets ages before. After Rachel Zegler was cast, the same tickets near the end of the run were over £350. Insane.

emuloc · 07/05/2026 13:10

momager1 · 07/05/2026 11:12

I agree! my husband is flying to Canada for 10 days on Saturday, and he will eat in the airport and just take a bag of trail mix on the plane, I on the other hand, fly to Canada May 30 for two weeks. I will have my cream cheese and cucumber sandwich packed in my cabin bag, and will enjoy it with the free tea on board. Not because I am being tight, but after a bowel resection I prefer to eat something I know will not cause me any issues, especially in a tin can in the air for 4.5 hours! Mind, as soon as I land, I will be hitting up Tim Hortons for a nice tea with real milk (only get UHT here) and more than likely a sickly sweet apple fritter donut lol.

Show quote history

I will be doing the same thing, when I go on holiday this year. I like taking my own lunch, made up exactly how I want it. It does not stop me from enjoying my time abroad!

NFunny · 07/05/2026 13:12

LadyMacbethWasFierce · 07/05/2026 09:46

I do still come on here (joined in 2011 when my youngest was newborn) as I find human life and interactions fascinating.

But a previous poster has it right that it’s a bear pit. And 2 things surprised me hugely as I noted the change - the increase in casual insults and the general lack of empathy.

I posted on 1 January this year after the unexpected death of my beloved daughter 2 months previously. I had been surprised and a bit unsettled that some friends had messaged me wishing me “a happy new year” and I asked if I was unreasonable to feel surprised about that. Although the responses I had were largely kind, I was taken aback by the number of people who thought that I should be grateful to have been remembered at all and I could not expect a tailored message just for me. One poster even suggested that my friends might have thought I was “getting over it now” (I can’t be sure that was the phrase they used it might havd been “feeling better” or something similar) given we had been out of the country for Christmas. Despite my having explained that this was just because we could not face Christmas in the UK and that I had been having suicidal thoughts.

Sorry, op, I digress. But I agree with you. It’s madness on here at times. With some quite startling bluntness, rudeness and lack of sensitivity. BUT. And it’s a big but, before anyone wades in, I choose to have a look see several times a week and even to post occasionally. It’s still a fascinating place. And there is kindness to be had too. It’s just a bit harder to find than maybe it was 14 years ago. But I think that might be a reflection of life in general.

I remember that thread. I was shocked that anyone would wish you HNY without mentioning your most cruel of losses. I have a young adult daughter and can’t even imagine the anguish; I send you and your family all the love in the world.

LoopyLoo1991 · 07/05/2026 13:12

I've been hounded for over a year on here , by some 🐄 over a ridiculous argument about me using a voucher to buy an incredibly expensive lipstick ... just once ... 🙄
She obviously has nothing better to do ...

TheDenimPoet · 07/05/2026 13:15

I think a lot of it stems from jealousy. I often think to myself when people say they've spent x money on something, "Oh, I could have bought a whole month of groceries for that!" because I'm struggling at the moment, and luxuries just aren't possible.

DP's family recently arranged a family meal for his mum's big birthday, and it cost £200 a head. So we'd have had to fork out £600 for the three of us. That's three months of meals in my world right now. It's sickening that some people have that kind of money and don't even need to think about it - but it's not THEIR problem or THEIR fault.

I would never SAY that though, because my problems aren't theirs!

Theseventhmagpie · 07/05/2026 13:15

LadyMacbethWasFierce · 07/05/2026 09:46

I do still come on here (joined in 2011 when my youngest was newborn) as I find human life and interactions fascinating.

But a previous poster has it right that it’s a bear pit. And 2 things surprised me hugely as I noted the change - the increase in casual insults and the general lack of empathy.

I posted on 1 January this year after the unexpected death of my beloved daughter 2 months previously. I had been surprised and a bit unsettled that some friends had messaged me wishing me “a happy new year” and I asked if I was unreasonable to feel surprised about that. Although the responses I had were largely kind, I was taken aback by the number of people who thought that I should be grateful to have been remembered at all and I could not expect a tailored message just for me. One poster even suggested that my friends might have thought I was “getting over it now” (I can’t be sure that was the phrase they used it might havd been “feeling better” or something similar) given we had been out of the country for Christmas. Despite my having explained that this was just because we could not face Christmas in the UK and that I had been having suicidal thoughts.

Sorry, op, I digress. But I agree with you. It’s madness on here at times. With some quite startling bluntness, rudeness and lack of sensitivity. BUT. And it’s a big but, before anyone wades in, I choose to have a look see several times a week and even to post occasionally. It’s still a fascinating place. And there is kindness to be had too. It’s just a bit harder to find than maybe it was 14 years ago. But I think that might be a reflection of life in general.

I remember your post and I agreed with you entirely. I still don’t know what to say to you about your loss- I simply can’t imagine the pain.
MN is a very mixed bag but as you say, still interesting.
💐

ShizeItsWeegie · 07/05/2026 13:34

tamade · 07/05/2026 09:26

It is bear pit

True. It's the worst it's ever been.

Afirat · 07/05/2026 13:37

I noticed that too, OP and didn't post on that thread as a result. It was very rude of some people and not a pleasant way to make a point.

I think deletion messages should be clearer about name calling. Not that name calling ever gets deleted these days.

NovemberMorn · 07/05/2026 13:40

ShizeItsWeegie · 07/05/2026 13:34

True. It's the worst it's ever been.

Show quote history

I have been on forums a lot worse than this one. Ultimately it's down to moderation.
Here the pack mentality is what makes some threads unpleasant. It's probably the same posters (probably name changing) but some do enjoy a pile on.
It always seems to me that some women have never advanced from the school playground bullying; they carry it on when they can, ie, anonymously on a forum.

ShizeItsWeegie · 07/05/2026 13:43

MoFadaCromulent · 07/05/2026 10:44

Tbf if you pay those prices i have no problem saying you're a fool, you're an idiot, you're a slot* *badger, you're a two pin din plug, you're a bush dodger, you're a small been regarder.

Say what now?

eggandonion · 07/05/2026 13:46

Mumsnet isn't a great place for anyone to mention a bereavement in my experience.

Which is nothing to do with the price of cake!

ThisJadeBear · 07/05/2026 13:47

I think in the moment you just pay out of embarrassment and usually feel a bit upset if what you were given was awful with crap service.
Taking a flash and sandwiches to a garden centre though? It’s a bit much. Have them in your own garden.
Name-calling? Yep, no need.
You are an ‘idiot’ to pay those prices. Well, maybe but most people don’t go out thinking, I’d like to get ripped off today.
I’ve just seen a piece about paying £34 for a club sandwich in Claridge’s. I’m not swimming cash but I would pay it.

  1. because a BLT is my fave
  2. the people-watching.
Ukisfinished · 07/05/2026 13:48

People can spend money on whatever they like, it's a Free Country, just about anyway, sometimes people irritate me either paying to much for something to show off or being overly tight, to make a point but hey not so much as I actually care what they do in reality, only if they are wanting to buy one can of coke that has came loose from a six pack in the supermarket or something and I am parked in the loading bay about to get ticketed do I really care.

Newmeagain · 07/05/2026 13:51

AliasGrape · 07/05/2026 09:44

I quite often take my own sandwiches (have been known to do so on a plane, though not always), but would equally be happy to spend £20 on a piece of cheesecake if it was amazing cheesecake in a fancy place and I thought I would enjoy the experience.

We went to a NT place over the weekend, took our own sandwiches because I didn't feel like queuing for half an hour and spending £30+ on lunch on what was supposed to be a cheap day out. Quite happy to spend the £7 on 2 ice creams though because they were delicious and we enjoyed them.

I don't like paying over the odds for things that aren't worth it (whether that be in terms of the food itself, or the overall experience) but I've certainly been known to fritter away money on things others would view as a complete waste.

Answering the actual point - I think a lot of mumsnet, especially AIBU, is just people enjoying getting to insult others and project the version of themselves they most want to believe (they're so rich they can afford stupid prices for cake, or they're so good with money that they'd never do such a thing even though they earn 6 figures or whatever it is). Fool and idiot are not the most offensive terms that get thrown around on here! I don't care so much when it's general discussion topics, but it's really nasty when it's to people genuinely looking for help.

Edited

I complete agree. People don’t seem to realise that we all make different choices. I am the same. I often take food with me to work or to the airport, etc but will happily pay ££ for a nice meal out. Or, for example, I don’t spend money on things like getting my nails done but I buy the kind of groceries that many on here will disparage - locally baked sourdough bread, nice eggs, etc.

ErrolTheDragon · 07/05/2026 13:54

There’s certainly no need for name calling. But MN is generally pretty civil relative to a lot of social media. If you think anyone is indulging in personal abuse, that’s explicitly against Talk guidelines and you should report it.

ThisJadeBear · 07/05/2026 13:57

Reminds me of a guy who asked me to the cinema.
He had a box of Maltesers on the dashboard with a price sticker - this is from the days of yore.
We got to the cinema late - surprise surprise he’d got the times mixed up.
Ended going to a fancy bar where I bought two rounds as he’d paid for the petrol.
As he was dropping me off he said he would then go to the newsagents to return the chocolate.
Er, no you don’t, fella.
I took them in and had a cuppa with my mum. We scoffed the lot.
And I’m aware some people don’t like ‘cuppa’ so don’t flame me for it.

latetothefisting · 07/05/2026 13:58

momager1 · 07/05/2026 12:05

the flight I take a few times a year, is only 4.5 hours, but leaves at 7 am. I leave the house at 4 am to get there for 430 ish. I am not ready for food. I am starting to get ready around 8. So I eat on the plane.

Show quote history

Right, but the posters are chatting about sandwiches etc. i.e a fairly substantial meal. Surely you don't want or need a sandwich or hot cooked meal at 8am?

Id have a banana and a brunch bar or something and then a nice lunch after you land at 11am - in which case my point still stands, the choice is between spending 50p bringing those items from home or £4 buying them on the plane - personally not a delicious "treat" that justifies the markup.

EligibleTern · 07/05/2026 14:03

LoopyLoo1991 · 07/05/2026 13:12

I've been hounded for over a year on here , by some 🐄 over a ridiculous argument about me using a voucher to buy an incredibly expensive lipstick ... just once ... 🙄
She obviously has nothing better to do ...

Edited

There are some posters who seem to come to MN just to criticise OPs. You see the same usernames cropping up again and again, almost never (if ever) posting anything positive, and finding any angle they can to have a dig or make out that the OP must be at fault. It does make me wonder what they get out of it, and how they think of it - "right, I've made my coffee, time to log on to Mumsnet and be nasty to some clearly distressed people"? Your case is more extreme, with being targeted by someone, but there are definitely people for whom being horrible on Mumsnet is a daily activity. I'd love for one of them to explain why they do it but I doubt that will ever happen.

Buscobel · 07/05/2026 14:08

If you are going on a family day out and you have several children, the cost of buying a meal for everyone, plus sundries during the day, may well be prohibitive, whereas taking a packed lunch for everyone, whilst possibly inconvenient, may mean the difference between having a family day out occasionally, or not.

LoopyLoo1991 · 07/05/2026 14:13

EligibleTern · 07/05/2026 14:03

There are some posters who seem to come to MN just to criticise OPs. You see the same usernames cropping up again and again, almost never (if ever) posting anything positive, and finding any angle they can to have a dig or make out that the OP must be at fault. It does make me wonder what they get out of it, and how they think of it - "right, I've made my coffee, time to log on to Mumsnet and be nasty to some clearly distressed people"? Your case is more extreme, with being targeted by someone, but there are definitely people for whom being horrible on Mumsnet is a daily activity. I'd love for one of them to explain why they do it but I doubt that will ever happen.

Show quote history

Exactly what I've observed. Thanks for making those points - I often feel I'm the only one who notices this and gets paranoid sometimes.

One person has used multiple accounts here - with spill over to Facebook - to hassle a couple of friends and me. Apart from arguing with her on a grand total o TWO threads, I don't bother to engage the bovine any more. May she stew in her own toxic personality ...

danglethedingle · 07/05/2026 14:21

Its nothing to do with what you do or don't choose to buy, its being called names for making that choice that is wrong. Its also lazy, if you disagree, fine, but just disagree or give your reasons why, nothing wrong with debate, but don't stoop to name calling.