To think DM is taking advantage

[incognito1991]

I’m not entirely sure here as I do offer help in any way I can, I would always go out of my way to help but I also feel a little taken advantage of. DM car has been in the garage for 2 weeks now, I of course offered to help in anyway I can which usually involves me spending the entire day with her as she says oh let’s get a coffee, come to mine for a while etc. perfectly fine if I’m not busy I don’t mind. On Friday my DM has a club she goes to, it is 2 miles away from her home, it would take maybe 10-15 minutes on the bus, I live a 25-30 minute drive from her and she hasn’t asked but expects me to take her, wait around an hour and take her home, I will do it regardless but I can’t help feel abit annoyed, DM is 50 so not elderly she just doesn’t want to take public transport, again on Saturday which is my DH only day off this week, she wants me to take her other hobby, wait for 2 hours and then take her shopping, again I will do it but I just want others opinions. To add also, when I had DD I wasn’t driving and she did help with a lift home if I was there in the afternoon but never came out of her way to help take me anywhere.

Stop being a doormat and say no!!

Your mother is 50??? She's completely taking the piss. Stop being available.

Yanbu for seeing your mum is taking the pis.

Yabu for allowing her to.

She expects you to wait because you will "I will do it regardless"....why?

Just say you've done enough and that she'll need to make other arrangements or miss her activities! She's taking advantage and she'll know it!

She’s only 50???!!!! Jesus Christ, tell her you’re busy.

Yes, I’m 30. This is the issue I feel like I can’t say no, she’s my mother

That's crazy, she's younger than me, i wouldn't dream of imposing like that. But unless she's a mind reader or super thoughtful/a normal amount of thoughtful she's not going to know. Seemingly these don't apply.

Why don't you say no/make an excuse or jokingly say "get the bus" whatever it is you need to say to communicate you don't want to. She's having a laugh.

Two weeks! What the hell are they doing to her car? Next time she should book it in somewhere that offers a courtesy car.

Good luck.

She's FIFTY? Unless she has disabilities she can get the bus!!!

At 50, unless she has acute health issues, she could walk to her club.

I can understand someone who doesn't use public transport regularly being a bit nervous about it, but asking your DD to come miles out of her way just to give a lift to a woman who has alternatives is silly. She needs to woman up.

YABU for being a total and utter pushover.

"woman up" 🩷🩷🩷🩷

I am older than your mum and know that all of my kids would, quite rightly, say no if I tried this madness with them.

Don't be so silly. I'm older than your mother and would expect any of my kids to say, 'Sorry, I've already got plans on Saturday' if it was their DHs only day off.

Also, it sounds like she isn't asking you to do this - you are simply assuming she would like you to and martyring yourself. Just stop.

That would take her 15 mins on a bicycle

Just say no. There cannot be any reason why a fit and healthy 50 year old woman can’t take a 20 minute bus ride.

Have put YABU for not saying if you don’t want to do it or have other plans. On the other hand it sounds like maybe she wants your company - the fact she’s wanting to go for a coffee and for you to go back to hers for a bit - I would guess it’s less about her not wanting to get herself around but perhaps because she is lonely. I lost my mum a few years ago and would give anything to have some days like that again. But you should be able to say no if it doesn’t work for you

This is in a way probably why I feel I have to, I don’t think she’s lonely as such, she’s not on her own and I do see her multiple times a week but I just feel guilty

Have you ever said 'no' to her? What do you think she would do if you did say no? Are you scared of her?

As someone whose mother has late stage Alzheimers and has been in a vegetative state for over 5 years, I'd kill to drive her anywhere she wanted.

My mum's dead and I think OP's mum is being really unreasonable.

Not at all but I would feel bad that’s all, I know I’m a pushover with everyone I would do anything for anyone

Also my sister always has an excuse why she can’t help and my mum constantly moans about that so I feel it upsets her when we don’t help

I am mid 50s and would walk the 2 miles!

I've voted YABU because you are being a total doormat. You really don't have to do everything she asks just because she's your mum.
You are allowed to have your own life with your own plans and not fit everything around your mum.