To think DM is taking advantage

[incognito1991]

I’m not entirely sure here as I do offer help in any way I can, I would always go out of my way to help but I also feel a little taken advantage of. DM car has been in the garage for 2 weeks now, I of course offered to help in anyway I can which usually involves me spending the entire day with her as she says oh let’s get a coffee, come to mine for a while etc. perfectly fine if I’m not busy I don’t mind. On Friday my DM has a club she goes to, it is 2 miles away from her home, it would take maybe 10-15 minutes on the bus, I live a 25-30 minute drive from her and she hasn’t asked but expects me to take her, wait around an hour and take her home, I will do it regardless but I can’t help feel abit annoyed, DM is 50 so not elderly she just doesn’t want to take public transport, again on Saturday which is my DH only day off this week, she wants me to take her other hobby, wait for 2 hours and then take her shopping, again I will do it but I just want others opinions. To add also, when I had DD I wasn’t driving and she did help with a lift home if I was there in the afternoon but never came out of her way to help take me anywhere.

Do Friday but tell her you can’t do Saturday as you have plans

she can get a taxi if she doesn’t want to get a bus

My mum is 79, she flys from the other side of the world once a year and back again to visit, and she uses the bus when here to get around even though she never used public transport in her own country!

Your mum is BU.

You say you don't feel you can say no (which would be utterly reasonable) because she's your Mum. Yet she has no issue with taking advantage, despite you being her Daughter.

I’m 70 this year. This is nonsense.
Tell her to ask some hobby friends. or get the bus. or God forbid, Walk ! or she’ll gave to miss the hobby till car is fixed

again on Saturday which is my DH only day off this week, she wants me to take her other hobby, wait for 2 hours and then take her shopping, again I will do it but I just want others opinions.

So your mum is more important than your husband. My opinion is that he has a DW problem. You are proposing to spend a large chunk of his only day off to placate your mother.

Get over to the elderly parents board and read a few threads on there. If she is like this at 50 she will be unbearable at 70.
Don’t waste the years with your kids waiting hand and foot on a woman who has another 17 years of working life
Your kids won’t forget who you put first and you won’t see them for dust when they are adults

Your sister doesn't have excuses; she has boundaries. She knows your Mum has a brass neck the size of a small county and thought fuck that for a game of soldiers

YABU to be driving her around and waiting while she engages in a hobby when her commute by public transport is shorter than your drive to her place. Absolutely ridiculous of her to even ask and of you to be entertaining it

Whats wrong with the car-2 weeks is a long time?!

I’d be supporting her to ask when it’s coming back!

Sorry to sound mean but stop being so pathetic.
You are a 30 year old woman, you wernt put on this planet to please everyone else whilst moaning about it, start getting used to the uncomfortable feeling of saying no...it gets less uncomfortable everytime.

You would do anything for anyone. Except yourself. Think about it and put yourself first sometimes.

Also if it's your DH's only day off that shows him where he is in your priority list - not good for your relationship when your mum has plenty of options. Including ringing the mechanic to see if her car is ready (I suspect it has been for a while).

But hang on I’m 51 can you come and give me a lift cos I am old?

What a load of rubbish, your mum is having a laugh….

You asked if you were being taken advantage of.

The resounding answer is yes, but you are coming back with weak reasons why you have to carry on as you are.

Sorry OP, but you being taken advantage of, but if you refuse to do anything that is suggested then what was the point in posting.

That's very weird. That you feel guilty I mean
If I were your mother I would feel guilty for being a burden on you when I can perfectly go by bus. My Mil is 80 and walks and take public transport everywhere. She only asks DH to fetch her if it's a medical intervention and she can't go home by herself.

You really need to look at this objectively: you are there for your mother when she really needs you. Don't enable her into becoming helpless- it will only get worse. Does she often try to guilt you into doing things for her? I'm almost 50 and I wouldn't dream about pestering my kids for help. Ok they are teens but even when they are adults I would never do this. It's time to grow a backbone and be reasonable about what you are willing to help out with and not.

OMG your DM is only 2 years older than me! I would walk, jog or bike that distance without breaking a sweat. You need to stand up for yourself.

I'm 50. I'm disabled (epilepsy, had a stroke and Multiple Sclerosis) and id still get the bus (I cant walk). I'd never ask my kids to take me anywhere.

Oh wtf? She’s going to meet far more people locally if she starts walking and taking the bus places!

Is she working? Health problems? I mean, I’m 57, I work full time, I drive all over the county for work, I’m helping my son move house next week. I am hoping to help my son if he has young children, not need his help!

I know I’m lucky to be healthy. I feel she must have significant health issues to need this much input. But there are still things she could do to share her love and support for you, if she’s lonely. Read bedtime stories. U3A. Women’s Institute. Gym/exercise. Nobody should lean so much on one person, especially a busy one.

Time to reflect on your upbringing and why you feel you have to serve everyone else’s needs and especially your mother’s.

Heck. I’m a lot older than your mum and work full time. I do this for my own mother as she’s late 80s. Can’t imagine asking anyone to do it for me whilst I’m capable of getting the bus.

You’re not being unreasonable, she should get used to the bus in case for any reason she’s without a car again in the future. But I’m wondering if she wants to spend time with you.

I’d be saying I was busy for at least one. She is perfectly capable of getting the bus

She’s 50!?! What the hell? Start being busy!

FIFTY?! She’s having a fucking laugh. I am older than that and I am frankly stunned that she is acting like that.

Good grief OP, she's only 50 and perfectly healthy!
Just say nothing - if she asks you to take her there just say No, what's wrong with getting a bus?

If she has no health issues, she shouldn't expect you to drive her round all the time-sometimes would be kind, especially if she's helped you a lot, or if she's joining you all for a day out at teh weekend. But to leave your partner and child to chauffeur? No, not unless it's a hospital appointment or something.