To think DM is taking advantage

[incognito1991]

I’m not entirely sure here as I do offer help in any way I can, I would always go out of my way to help but I also feel a little taken advantage of. DM car has been in the garage for 2 weeks now, I of course offered to help in anyway I can which usually involves me spending the entire day with her as she says oh let’s get a coffee, come to mine for a while etc. perfectly fine if I’m not busy I don’t mind. On Friday my DM has a club she goes to, it is 2 miles away from her home, it would take maybe 10-15 minutes on the bus, I live a 25-30 minute drive from her and she hasn’t asked but expects me to take her, wait around an hour and take her home, I will do it regardless but I can’t help feel abit annoyed, DM is 50 so not elderly she just doesn’t want to take public transport, again on Saturday which is my DH only day off this week, she wants me to take her other hobby, wait for 2 hours and then take her shopping, again I will do it but I just want others opinions. To add also, when I had DD I wasn’t driving and she did help with a lift home if I was there in the afternoon but never came out of her way to help take me anywhere.

She’s 50? The way you were describing the situation I thought she was elderly! Tell her to get the bus.

OP it’s definitely not usual to be driving a 50 year old mum everywhere. The majority of us in our 50s have kids who we’re still driving to school, college, work etc, not the other way round!

You're only being unreasonable in that you're not just saying no!

I think you need to see a therapist and work through this with them. It's not easy changing an ingrained behaviour, not only you can make the changes.

Possibly because your mother has made you this way? Something to reflect on.

I'm 65. I could RUN two miles (and back). Your mother is using you and you really need to firmly set some boundaries. As she ages she's going to become more and more needy and you are going to end up with no life at all.

I’m in my 70s, had 3 strokes and never ask my kids to do anything for me. I’d walk.
She needs to stop pretending to be so helpless, and you need to say, you have plans for the second day’s hobby at the very least..since you are a people pleaser , ease into standing up for yourself by doing the first, not the second and don’t stay for coffee etc , letting the first take up your whole day.

Start practicing!! I’m older than your mum and i regularly use buses.

Most welcome

Perspective

Glad to oblige

Then rethink. Don’t be a martyr.

Based on a mother who was most likely loving and caring. This is not the same thing. OP has a mother who is clearly manipulating her and making her second guess her boundaries. Her mother is putting terrible pressure on her and is potentially putting her marriage at risk.

It can be hard to understand how devastating a bad mother/daughter relationship can be when you haven’t experienced it. Please believe what the OP is saying. She needs help to break free from the toxic relationship she has with her mother. She doesn’t need comments that make her feel any more guilty. Her mother is doing a very good job of that already.

You were very lucky to have such a wonderful mother. Not everyone is so lucky.