To report colleague who offered to buy my underwear

[Colleagueissue26]

NC for obvious reasons!

Work night out the weekend before last. There was a drunken/joking conversation between several of us about onlyfans. Consensus that no one would go the full way on there but selling clothing would be an acceptable way to make money. All lighthearted discussion of course.

One of the (male) colleagues involved in the discussion was on holiday last week.

At the weekend, I received a late night DM on social media from him along the lines of ‘if you were being serious about selling your underwear, I don’t mind paying. Our secret’

I ignored it. The next morning, he messaged to apologise and said his friend stole his phone and sent it as a dare.

I don’t believe him for a second.

Would you report to HR? He is younger, early 20’s.

I don’t think discussion in the pub warrants an invitation at all. But still, he didn’t send it totally out of the blue, so I feel it’s unfair to report without the context. HR can then judge what to do with all the information.

💯

Even if it was his ‘mate’, he relayed the story to his friend and identified OP as his colleague within the context of her selling him her underwear. Gross. He got the ball rolling…

I wouldnt report but wouldnt be hanging out with this douche again.

The desire to link a direct request for sexual favours to a prior GROUP discussion is concerning....what motivates you do you think, to minimise his contacting OP to buy her used underwear?
Op says the discussion was lighthearted i.e. not REAL...you know like Marry, Shag, Avoid or any other hypothetical discussed lightheartedly.

The need to turn this into a dependable sexual invitation is really really disturbing. It has the effect of silencing women...because ...well it could give a green light to someone's kink and contact to pursue that unwanted thing

An individual reports, HR investigates

Have you ever heard of a straw man argument?

I would report. Not necessarily to get anything done but the texting at night and then when you don't get a response texting in the morning to apologise (and blame a friend!) is a classic way of testing the waters. You've got to wonder if you are the first person at work he's done this too or if he hassle many of the women to try and see if he can make headway with any. So report so that it's on HR's radar and if someone else complains they can see it isn't an isolated incident.

Exactly. What’s sauce for the goose is sauce for the gander.

Wow so many grasses on here like!
I'd sell him my old drawers nee bother.

Sex work isn't exempt from tax.

How did he misjudge a comment on a hypothetical situation as an Okay to directly and privately message OP after she departed? 🤔
I wonder if he did the same to everyone else, including the men?

I wouldn’t need to relay that detail though
thats really low. Do you think HR wouldn’t ask him about this ? And everyone who was part of the conversation will likely be interviewed by HR so you’d be better off being completely up front.
His text is really inappropriate and I would have no hesitation in telling him that, any further unsolicited inappropriate contact will be reported.
I’m a senior manager and have had to, on a few occasions, in social setting, remind colleagues to simmer down the conversation as it’s NSFW even in an out of hours work social setting, it’s bloody tedious and I hate having to do it but I’d absolutely would not want to be interviewed by HR regarding a conversation about selling soiled underwear. Cringing at the mere thought of it.

Have you read the OPs posts?

Leave it. You obviously joined in at the time and said what you said. He was just trying to take you up on your offer. Stop playing the shocked wide-eyed innocent now.

That's classic blame the victim, mate.

Here's the younger colleague ^^

Do you always feel things discussed are invitations to join? Parties, operations, weddings, appointments....or do you realise a lighthearted theoretical discussion is not an invitation for you to seek sexual pleasure / masturbate?

Or do you always centre yourself...in speech that you hear?

Maybe dont laugh and joke about things of a sexual nature if you don't want people to respond?

....respond by making a sex work request?

So women can no longer discuss sex or sex related things ...because that means they want to do that thing to anyone who overheard??

Really??

Leave it. You were a willing participant in the "only fans" conversation, he either misread the situation or was missed when he contacted you and has quickly retracted and apologised. You're unlikely to be in a position to be puritanical about this.

OP said she thought it was acceptable to sell, he asked if he could buy.

The poor lad is probably mortified. Likely he sent the message after a few drinks thinking it was either funny or flirtatious. It missed the mark. He’s young and stupid. It would be bang out of order to report him and potentially leave a mark in his record.

He apologised. Let it go.

How many of you saying you’d report this have young, naive sons who have done something silly? He will live and learn. OP just needs to block him. That should give him the message.

One of the OP’s HR team may have read this thread!

So talking about something lightheartedly in a group ...means you want to do it?

I really don't think it does and is not a free pass for sexual predators

OP isn’t being puritanical...she is asking if a unsolicited request for sex work from a colleague should be reported

They're not a weasel, and we are not in the fucking playground!!

Report.

Right, so his mate managed to take his phone, send a message based on a conversation the mate wasnt at.... im a Nigerian Prince and have 70 billion pounds im trying to get out of the country. You can have half if you help me with, 20k?

I’d be inclined to buy the biggest pair of cotton bloomers I could find, gift wrap them and present them to the work colleague for him to present to his ‘friend who was pissing around with his phone’.